Archive for January, 2006
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Friday, January 27th, 2006Edgar StilesCTU’s calorically-challenged chimpanzee would have been fired from a real government position years ago. Of course, if he worked in Philadelphia, he would be mayor by now. At one moment, Edgar is tracking Islamo-fascist terrorists. The next moment, he is whimpering like a Dr. Phil guest about his multitude of personal, psychological, and pasta [...]
Miracle On Ice
Friday, January 27th, 2006As in, “It’s a miracle I didn’t keel over after the month-long break.” My first game back with the X-Men was an exercise in futility. We faced the top-ranked Battalion, and victory (for them) was all but assured after their two quick goals in four minutes. You know the team is suffering from bad karma [...]
Frequent Flyers
Thursday, January 26th, 2006So, last night I got the chance to attend the Philadelphia Flyers/Montreal Canadiens game with my friend Chris, his brother Kevin, and their nephew Ryan. Since Flyers tickets are ridiculously expensive, this was my first time there since ’03. As luck would have it, my former corporal’s husband works security at the Wachovia Center, and [...]
E-Ring: The "E" Stands For Excruciating!
Wednesday, January 25th, 2006This politically correct nonsense is out of control. It was bad enough last year when Keifer Sutherland constantly reminded us that not all Muslims were terrorists. And, as The Man pointed out, 24 is airing no such disclaimer about people from the Balkan republics. Tonight, NBC’s E-Ring – Garfield Ridge’s favorite show about The Pentagon [...]
Ding, Dong, The Witch Is Dead?
Wednesday, January 25th, 2006Here’s good news worthy of a Geico commercial: a recent Gallup poll found that 51% of the respondents “would definitely not” vote for Hillary Clinton for President. Is America finally coming to its senses?
Duct (Tape) Tales
Tuesday, January 24th, 2006Just when you thought it was safe to unwrap your head . . . Plans are in the works to “reunite” Joey and Mary Jo Buttafuoco with “Long Island Lolita” Amy Fisher for a televised reality special. You may remember, but don’t care, that Fisher shot Mary Jo in the face after having an affair [...]
Stupid Questions
Tuesday, January 24th, 2006Now that I’m re-certified in CPR and Rescue Breathing, do you think I can help the Indianapolis Colts with their choking problem? If the Senate is simply going to vote along party lines in the Judge Alito confirmation – as expected – what was the point of the hearings? Would New Orleans mayor/boob Ray Nagin [...]
Deja Vu All Over Again
Monday, January 23rd, 2006Today was the first of four straight days of annual training. Every year, police officers must be re-certified by the Pennsylvania MPOETC (Don’t ask!). Even though I spent three weeks in this classroom last month (for promotional training), I’m stuck here again. I couldn’t tell you what I learned during the eight-hour classes, so I’ll [...]
Kobe: High On The Hog
Monday, January 23rd, 2006Sports pages across the country are kissing the tushie of Los Angeles Lakers power groper Kobe Bryant today, after the former defendant scored 81 points against the Toronto Raptors. It was the second-highest point total in NBA history, behind another infamous “hands-on” player, Wilt Chamberlain. Whee! Somewhat lost in this story is the fact that [...]
Michael Schiavo: Scumbag Extraordinairre
Sunday, January 22nd, 2006He barely waited until Terri’s body was cold: SAFETY HARBOR, Fla. – Michael Schiavo, whose brain-damaged wife was at the center of a contentious end-of-life battle that played out on a worldwide media stage, has remarried, family members said. Schiavo married his longtime girlfriend Jodi Centonze on Saturday in a private church ceremony, said John [...]
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