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Gunga Din! Bring Water!

By Wyatt Earp | November 26, 2005

I just knew this would happen.

The past few nights in Philly have been bone-rattling cold. As such, water mains around the metropolitan area have snapped quicker than Joe Theisman’s leg. So, it was no surprise when the main two houses down from mine broke yesterday – for the second time in as many years! Here’s a short synopsis of my day:

8:00am – Water main breaks, flooding the street with mud and grime. My neighbors notify the water department. They say they will fix the problem.

10:00am – I wake up (gimme a break – I finished work at 6am!) and the missus tells me there is no water, and I might as well get dressed without a shower. Being an obsessive compulsive – especially about personal hygiene – I decide to wait it out.

12:00pm – The police show up for the automobile-sized sinkhole that has resulted from the main break. Although the hole is three houses down, the idiot cops put barricades in front of my driveway – as if we didn’t have any plans to leave the house. The water department is still not on location.

2:00pm – I am starting to get antsy, because I still haven’t the chance to shower – and I think ants are actually crawling on me.

4:00pm – Now I’m freaking out. Still no water, and the water department still has not arrived. It’s been six hours.

5:00pm – I surrender to my own filth and drive to my in-laws house to use their shower. Nothing like traveling to get clean. As I walk to my car, a water department toad shows up, and my neighbors John and Denny rip the city – and the water department – loud enough for the toad to hear. “I’ll bet if this was the mayor’s street, we would have water by now!

8:00pm – I am clean, the kids are in bed, but Kyle can’t sleep. Why? Because the water department has finally shown up with jackhammers and a bulldozer – at 8pm! It has been twelve hours and still no H2O.

9:00pm – Kyle still can’t sleep “because of the noise.” Friggin’ swell.

12:30am – After sixteen and a half hours, the water is finally back. I put away my sniper rifle, and go to bed. Frak this town!

Isn’t life in the big city just grand?

Topics: Philly | 7 Comments »

7 Responses to “Gunga Din! Bring Water!”

  1. rt Says:
    November 26th, 2005 at 4:08 pm

    At least they didn’t bulldoze a gas line and blow up the whole block. You know how Philly is…coulda happened. YOu probably had a skating rink on your street too, eh? Can’t wait to hear your unplowed street stories. HE HE. I actually like Philly, but it is such a hassle to live there.

  2. SK Says:
    November 26th, 2005 at 5:02 pm

    Damn Wyatt, all we had was a heated pool, a jacuzzi, some Baileys and palm trees. I feel cheated:)

  3. linda Says:
    November 26th, 2005 at 5:50 pm

    Hmmm, what would Wyatt Earp think of this? We are so spoiled?

  4. Tyler D. Says:
    November 26th, 2005 at 7:34 pm


    What was your body count for the night?

  5. Uber Says:
    November 26th, 2005 at 10:04 pm

    Dude, take it from me…move to the country where “they needed killin’” is an appropriate defense in such situations and dig a well. *g*

    sk…I have water and even I hate you! ;)

  6. rightwingprof Says:
    November 27th, 2005 at 12:18 pm

    It’s been cold as hell here too, but no water line problems. And it’s up to 36 (!!!) and that damn snow is finally starting to melt …

  7. Wyatt Earp Says:
    November 27th, 2005 at 1:42 pm

    RT – An exploded gas line would be welcomed. End my misery. I got screwed on the ice rink as well, since the water froze in tiny puddles. Bastards!

    SK – I hate you.

    Lin – See above comment.

    Ty – Oodles of Nazis wasted. Courtesy of Medal of Honor: European Assault.

    Uber – My luck: I’d get a well, then fall in it – like the CIA “cleaner” from Prison Break the other week.

    Prof – I hear it’s gonna go up to 60 by the middle of the week!