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An SYLG Companion

By Wyatt Earp | November 27, 2005

When I was writing my previous blog, many of my readers told me that sometimes they didn’t understand what the hell I was talking about. What’s worse is that when I wrote about politics, they tuned out entirely. This is the reason I rarely pontificate about the toads in Washington anymore. I don’t want anyone to tune out nowadays, so here are a few translations for some of my commonly used police terms.

Offender (or Doer) – In Philadelphia, we keep it simple. (We have to, since many of our officers barely escaped high school with a GED.) Obviously, an offender is a suspect in a crime. Do not under any circumstances refer to this person as a “perp.” This ain’t Hollywood, baby.

Toad – Toad is pretty much a catch-all for the scum of the Earth. It can be used for offenders as well as cops. A toad offender can best be described as “white trash,” although they come in every shape, size, and color. A toad cop can best be described as most of my platoon – do-nothings who are just there to cash a check.

Pinch – Simply, a pinch is an arrest. For example, I have three pinches this month.

Whore – This word has a dual meaning. The local prostitutes are commonly referred to as whores, but so are some cops. For example, my current partner responds to almost every auto accident in the district, with the hopes of pinching someone for DUI. Why? Because he is an overtime whore.

To quote Animal Mother from Full Metal Jacket: “You talk the talk, but do you walk the walk?” There’s nothing more embarrassing than leaving a comment on a police blog and using some asinine word you heard on one of the three thousand Law and Order programs. Knowledge is power!

Topics: Uncategorized | 10 Comments »

10 Responses to “An SYLG Companion”

  1. wagonsux Says:
    November 27th, 2005 at 7:50 pm

    YO Wyatt…
    I take issue with you describing most of the platoon as toads. Sure we have our share. But I don’t think we have any more/less than any other work place. In fact, I think we have a pretty good platoon. The toads, I believe, are in the minority. (They seem to be the ones who have not transfered in from someplace else).

  2. Insolublog Says:
    November 27th, 2005 at 10:13 pm

    Lieutenant Lockhart (John Terry) to Joker (Matt Modine):

    It’s a huge $hit sandwich and we’re all gonna have to take a bite.

  3. SK Says:
    November 28th, 2005 at 8:29 am

    Thanks for splainin’ in such an eloquent way:)

  4. Wyatt Earp Says:
    November 28th, 2005 at 9:00 am

    Wagon – Shut up, you toad! Actually, you’ve got a point. We do have more than our fair share, though. For example, 3 car (Don Knotts), 15 car, (Mr. Personality), 10 car last night (Miss Sleepy), 12 car (Mr. 45 min ped stop), the sergeants, Knotts’ boyfriend, Pizza Man, Johnny Quest, and so on. All toads.

    Insol – I like, “Anyone who runs is a V.C.! Anyone who stands still… is a well-disciplined V.C.!” – Doorgunner

    SK – I’m here to help :)

  5. airforcewife Says:
    November 28th, 2005 at 10:26 am

    This kills me!

    It sounds as bad as when people try to talk about armaments with hubby. You know, those who have seen a picture of a gun…

    While hubby was riding around on tanks, a guy at a parade proceeded to discuss how those rubber treads were merely for city use and they put in steel treads in the field.

    Gotta love those people. Or not.

  6. The Conservative UAW Guy Says:
    November 28th, 2005 at 12:15 pm

    Thanks for the edumacatin’!
    BTW, Full Metal Jacket kicks total ass!

  7. Wyatt Earp Says:
    November 28th, 2005 at 7:11 pm

    AFW – Agreed. They watch one episode of NYPD Blue or Over There, and they think they’re experts. Maddening.

    CUG – Greatest movie . . . ever!

  8. bob Says:
    November 28th, 2005 at 9:59 pm

    Besides, you got a lot better version of coptalk in the book “Homicide” by David Simon (not the TV series, the book). Recommended reading.

  9. Wyatt Earp Says:
    November 29th, 2005 at 9:28 am

    Bob – Thanks, I’ll check it out on Amazon.

  10. wagonsux Says:
    November 29th, 2005 at 10:15 am

    Johnny Quest… ha ha ha…

    I must admit, it took me a minute. Groucho Marx is becoming more and more a toad everyday. I hope his bus comes soon…….