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Archive for October, 2005

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I’m Sorry!

Thursday, October 27th, 2005

For sickening everyone with that Hillary pic yesterday. Please accept this Shania Twain offering as a gesture of my contrition.

This Day In History

Wednesday, October 26th, 2005

124 years ago today, the Gunfight at the OK Corral took place. Here’s a write-up from Wikipedia: “During the day, reports of the cowboys going about with firearms and seeking more floated about Tombstone. Ike Clanton was noted claiming to want a showdown with the Earps. Virgil Earp, looking to enforce the town’s law saying [...]

Idiots Need Not Apply

Wednesday, October 26th, 2005

Take a gander at an e-mail my partner sent me yesterday. I thought she was messing with my head. This story, though seemingly unbelievable, is absolutely true. Welcome to the Theater of the Stupid: “A call came out for a theft in progress at the Dollar General. I went because the sector car (of course) [...]

Over The “Hill”

Wednesday, October 26th, 2005

(Damn you, Karl Rove! Get out of my bathroom!) Let’s all wish a very happy birthday to Senator (God, that still hurts to say) Hillary Rodham Clinton. Everyone’s favorite shrew turns 58 today. She doesn’t look a day over 65.

Presidents For Dummies

Tuesday, October 25th, 2005

Batten down the hatches, Wyatt is gonna talk about politics! In this terribly divided nation, many citizens formulate an opinion of the Chief Executive primarily by listening to the mainstream media and syndicated radio talk shows. This usually results in diametrically opposed views of the President, depending upon which side of the political fence you [...]

Vote Or Dye!

Tuesday, October 25th, 2005

Somebody call Schoolhouse Rock! “BAGHDAD, Iraq – Iraq’s constitution was adopted by a majority in a fair vote during the Oct. 15 referendum, as Sunni Arab opponents failed to muster enough support to defeat it, election officials said Tuesday. A prominent Sunni politician called the balloting ‘a farce.’” Somebody complaining about balloting? Wow. They’re getting [...]

Caption Me Thankful

Monday, October 24th, 2005

Two in a row! I won GOP and the City’s Weekend Caption Contest . . . again! Whoo hoo! Despite my usual self-deprecating tendencies, for the first time ever, I actually believe mine was the funniest entry. Hell, even Rodney Dill was laughing! Admittedly, though, I was surprised I won, since my team “The Gunfighters” [...]

Cue Lou Gehrig

Monday, October 24th, 2005

“You suck-diddly-uck Flanders!” – Homer Simpson, The Simpsons Today, I consider myself the suckiest man on the face of the earth. At some point in every man’s life comes the realization that he isn’t a kid anymore. Mine came about six years ago, when I hit the big 3-0. Still, I kept convincing myself that [...]

First With Flair!!!

Sunday, October 23rd, 2005

“Would you like smoking or non-smoking?” With all apologies to Steve, someone else was first with flair today. Jeff Gordon won the Subway 500 (“I’m on the Jared diet!“) at Martinsville Speedway, just barely staying ahead of Tony Stewart (yes, GunnNutt, I am laughing at you, and not with you). It was Gordon’s 73rd career [...]

An Open Letter To Major League Baseball

Sunday, October 23rd, 2005

To whom it may concern, As a pseudo-baseball fan, I wanted to take this opportunity to suggest some ways to improve the game. Of course, your pomposity will compel you to ignore my ideas, but I feel it my duty to mention them just the same. Batter up. The Season – Okay, a 162-game season [...]

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