Hippies: The New Redneck?
By Wyatt Earp | February 11, 2009
RT sent me this story and it is just ripe for snarkasm.
The good people of Hollywood often seem compelled to justify their every move - like dinner with a new couple down the street or a weekend out-of-state - with a reassuring “they’re very liberal” or “it’s a very liberal town.” You know, just in case there’s any doubt.
Meanwhile, send them a picture postcard from, say, Texas, and you’ll get a begrudging, very un-liberal, “Better you than me” response. These brave torch-bearers of tolerance rarely hesitate to wish the worst on ”red” states - turning Biblical on a dime with curses of hurricanes, fires, floods - as if real human beings didn’t live anywhere besides Los Angeles and New York. It’s alway payback time.
To understand this dogged, help-we’re-surrounded-by-foes mindset (that only applies to fellow Americans they’ve never met), one needs to look back about 30 years - to that golden age of violence and paranoia: the 1970s. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Straw Dogs, The Wicker Man, Deliverance, and The Hills Have Eyes were just a few of the message movies that taught an entire generation one very important rule: don’t leave the city!
Inspired by the grisly Manson murders that took place just days before the equally gruesome Woodstock Festival - sending everyone from Doris Day (R) to Barbra Streisand (D) into a state of panic (rock music was a real career killer) - Hollywood released a slew of scary flicks about city people terrorized in the woods by hippies-gone-wild, genetically-challenged rednecks, and working class bums. (H/T - Big Hollywood)
Man has a good point - as if we didn’t hate hippies already. Of course, this story also gives way to a whole new comedy routine for Jeff Foxworthy. Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you “You Might Be A Hippie.”
* If you’d have to bathe to be a slob . . . you might be a hippie.
* If you get “the munchies” thirty seconds after eating dinner . . . you might be a hippie.
* If you think the Animal Liberation Front has become too conservative . . . you might be a hippie.
* If you own at least one pair of hemp clothing . . . you might be a hippie.
* If you own a 50-gallon drum of patchouli oil . . . you might be a hippie.
Okay, this is an interactive post, so feel free to insert your own creations in the comments section. Aaannnddd . . . Go!
Topics: Snarkasm |
February 11th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
If your car has a bra and your girlfriend doesn’t wear one, you might be a hippie.
If your State employees take a couple of unpaid days leave and only the press notices (and we don’t care) you might be a hippie.
If your property value goes down 14% and your house is still worth more than a million, you might be a hippie.
If you dream of selling your house and retiring to Idaho, you are a hippie and you can stay the hell home.
MUD
February 11th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
MUD - Fan-freakin’-tastic!!!
February 11th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
If you experience explosive diarrhea any time to see a firearm. . . you might be a hippie.
February 11th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
If you say things like “I support the troops but not the mission”… you might be a hippie.
If you would rather see a woman bloodied and beaten versus her assailant with a center mass entry wound… you might be a hippie.
If you are a Branch Gorevidian… you might be a hippie.
If you have ever uttered the phrase “no blood for oil” … you might be a hippie.
If you fail to believe that the trade of elicit narcotics contributes to widespread violence… you might be a hippie.
If you believe that the UN is the answer… you might be a hippie.
If you believe that tax cuts are unnecessary as people won’t know what to do with their money … you might be a hippie.
If you think the U.S. Constitution is a “living document”… you might be a hippie.
February 11th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
If you carry protest signs with you at all times. . . you might be a hippie.
If your “garden” must be hidden in a secret compartment in your house. . . you might be a hippie.
If you think a tie-dye t-shirt is conservative clothing. . . you might be a hippie.
February 11th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
Speaking from a libertarian perspective,
If you believe that a drug’s existence and use is what causes the violence, rather than, say, its illicit nature due to laws (causing a violent criminal element to deal with it), you might be a tad undereducated on the subject.
At the same time, if you think the most powerful gun any civilian should own is sold by NERF, you might be a stupid hippie.
If you think that the government has any right to tell a private citizen what they can put into their body, you might be a tad fascist.
At the same time, if you think that it’s a good idea to bring pot brownies to the church bake sale, you might be a hippie.
Both sides have some issues they could correct, no?
February 11th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
The first point was pot-related, if that wasn’t clearly stated. Some things DO make a person violent, in the wrong mindset. I’ve known a lot of people who, collectively, have done every drug that is regulated, and some that aren’t. PCP, heroin, and meth are three that really set the stage for infringing on the rights of others (through violence, theft, disorderly conduct, etc.). All the others… well, provided they are careful, I really don’t care. They should simply take pains not to tread on the rights of anyone else.
February 11th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
When I worked there, the deputies in Santa Cruz, CA would say: “Hippies didn’t die; they just moved to Santa Cruz.” UCSC sports mascot, BTW: the Banana Slug.
BZ
February 11th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
If you have a bobble-head of Timothy Leary in your car, you might be a hippy.
If the Grateful Dead played at your wedding, you might be a hippy. (Unless you actually married one of the members of the band, then you’re conformist sell outs)
If you’ve had the pupil of your eyes genetically altered to look like peace signs, you might be a hippy.
February 11th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Kaveman - Brilliant!
Jason - Branch Gorevidian. Bawahahahahahahaha!!!
Elm - Everyone loves the “hidden garden.” It’s better than the Chia Pet!
AJ - NERF guns. My kids so want those!
BZ - I knew that from Vincent’s t-shirt in Pulp Fiction.
DL474 - “conformist sell outs.” Heh. Now that I think of it, mine suck compared to all of your entries, guys!
February 11th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
If you have a bobblehead of DENNIS Leary in your car, you might NOT be a hippy.
February 11th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
J Ringo, if they sold Denis Leary bobble heads, I’d so be sportin’ one.
February 11th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
If you accidentally smoke parsley instead of “parsley”, you might be a hippie.
If I try coming up with an original joke and bomb a bit like Hiroshima, I might be a bad joker.
February 11th, 2009 at 9:02 pm
If your computer has a fruit on it, you might be a hippy. (courtesy of Mr. Dragon)
February 11th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
I am not a hippie! (Even if I did laugh at some of the comments.)
Slob is an improvement over poop-covered. (Dangers of farming.)
And if dinner is a salad, getting the munchies is valid.
The hemp tye-dye t-shirt is comfortable. And it even has a protest slogan on it. (Pro-homebirth midwives.)
As for the hemp essential oil, it is a popular selling goat milk soap scent.
And the patchouli is only a small bottle.
I also wear a bra much more often now that I am no longer breastfeeding.
I am not interested in moving to Idaho. As long as I can get potatoes to grow here.
And what is wrong with the Greatful Dead?
I am NOT a hippie! (Ok, maybe a bit of one. But my garden is legit!)
February 11th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
IF YOU VOTED FOR “HOPE AND CHANGE” OBAMA AND REALLY THINK HE IS ‘THE ONE’ YOU ARE MOST PROBABLY A HIPPIE!
February 12th, 2009 at 11:13 pm
If you think Che Guevara was a misunderstood freedom fighter, you’re probably a hippie.
If you think you should always be sick so you can use medicinal marijuana legally, you’re probably a hippie.
If you abstain from pork because you think it’s made from cops (pigs), you’re probably a hippie.
If you know who Gaia is, you’re even money to be a Branch Gorevidian hippie.
February 13th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Fantastic, guys! Much better ideas that I had!