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No Vitamin Would Have Prevented This

By Wyatt Earp | October 3, 2011

Don Lapre was not the best TV pitchman in the world. He couldn’t touch the late Billy Mays – let alone Vince the ShamWow Guy. He did have great hair, and now, that’s all we have left to remember him by.

Embattled TV pitchman Don Lapre was found dead of an apparent suicide in his cell Sunday morning. The manner of his death has not been confirmed, but we’ve learned from U.S. Marshals that his body was indeed found at 8:30 a.m. Sunday at a holding facility in Florence.

Supervisory Deputy U.S. Marshal Matt Hershey says at first glance, his death appears to be a suicide — but the investigation is ongoing.

Lapre was being held in federal jail without bond, awaiting trial on charges of defrauding at least 220,000 people out of nearly $52 million. Prosecutors accused him of selling worthless vitamins that could not live up to advertising claims.

Yes, he’s dead, but if he acts now, we’ll throw in a trip to Hell for the low price of $19.99!

Topics: Snarkasm | 11 Comments »

11 Responses to “No Vitamin Would Have Prevented This”

  1. Smite A. Hippie Says:
    October 3rd, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    He should hold out for a – but wait, there’s more, double offer – two tickets to Hell, for 19.99. Maybe he can bring Obama along with him.

  2. Jon Brooks Says:
    October 3rd, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    AAAnnnnddd if you act NOW we’ll throw in a free set of snake knives!!! Always remember to store in a refrigerator where if you close the door..THE LIGHT STAYS ON!!

    Pssssst..everybody..quiet…don’t let wyatt know…but
    somebody has really brewed a bacon tasting ale..I kid you not.

  3. Wyatt Earp Says:
    October 3rd, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    Smite – Or at least Obama’s most trusted reverend.

    Jon – Mmm . . . bacon . . . and ale!

  4. JT Says:
    October 3rd, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    Was he sharing a cell with someone who bought his stuff ?

    Maybe they should look up his chute for a bottle of vitamins.

  5. Loaded Dice in Vegas Says:
    October 3rd, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    Ya can’t beat the Flintstones…….and they’re chewable……

  6. Wyatt Earp Says:
    October 3rd, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    JT – They’re thinking it’s a suicide, but the investigation continues.

    LDIV – And delicious!

  7. Ferrell Gummitt Says:
    October 3rd, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    A fraud like that missed his calling. His only mistake was he should have been a Democrat…

  8. Chris C Says:
    October 4th, 2011 at 1:10 am

    He also mainstreamed Cindy Margolis. Before she was the first internet pinup she was Lapre’s presenter on his infomercials in the early 90′s.

    He did not die in vain. He gave us Cindy.

  9. Beelzebub Says:
    October 4th, 2011 at 9:01 am

    but if he acts now, we’ll throw in a trip to Hell for the low price of $19.99!

    Plus Shipping and handling

  10. Gunnutmegger Says:
    October 4th, 2011 at 10:59 am

    That clown’s informercials made me seasick. It was just his smug face jammed in the camera talking, while the camera slowly panned back and forth, as he talked at you from his Very Own Luxury Home, which he paid for with the money he earned placing small want-ads in the paper.

  11. Wyatt Earp Says:
    October 4th, 2011 at 11:27 am

    Ferrell – He may have been.

    Chris C – God bless that man . . . and her cans!

    Beelzebub – But of course.

    Gunnutmegger – That money isn’t doing much good for him now, is it?