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Because Crack And Heroin Are So 1995

By Wyatt Earp | October 11, 2011

Meet Amanda Owens of Minnesota. Amanda is one of the millions of Americans battling addiction. She is powerless against it, and it is ruining her life.

Sadly, Amanda cannot go to rehab, because there’s no detox program for her addiction. It’s not heroin, it’s not crack. No, there’s a new “addiction”" in town – and it’s called porn.

Amanda Owens, 18, was nabbed this week for allegedly squeezing through the doggy door to get into Darin Pake’s home in East Bethel. Pake said he set up a hidden camera after his home had been burglarized several times last week. On Monday, the camera recorded Owens slipping into Pake’s home around 8 AM. Owens previously worked for Pake as a babysitter.

When questioned by investigators, Owens reportedly copped to entering Pake’s home on several occasions and stealing a jar of money and a camera, which she planned to pawn. The teenager “stated she is addicted to pornography and purchased 20 to 30 DVD’s and owed money, that’s why she burglarized Mr. Pake’s home.” (H/TSmite)

Okay, two things. First, is porn is an addiction, then every man in America is a junkie. Second, has Amanda ever heard of a little thing called the internet? It’s on computers now, and you can’t swing a set of nipple clamps without hitting a free site.

Topics: WTF? | 17 Comments »

17 Responses to “Because Crack And Heroin Are So 1995”

  1. Jon Brooks Says:
    October 11th, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    She should become addicted to acne jel instead.

  2. Sally Anne Says:
    October 11th, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    My guess: someone is slipping various hormone tablets into her chow. Or by “porn” she meant “meth”. That is not the face of a healthy 18-year old human female. Jeepers!

  3. John D Says:
    October 11th, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    If you connect the dots on her face you’ll get a picture of Jenna Jameson.

  4. Dannytheman Says:
    October 11th, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    Some call a dermatologist!! Jesus H Christ!!

  5. Ferrell Gummitt Says:
    October 11th, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    Two Questions:

    1) Is she addicted to Porn or candy bars?

    2) Was she hit with buckshot at the time she was going through the doggy door?

  6. Jon Brooks Says:
    October 11th, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    Ferrell – Maybe she doesn’t want to admit the dog chewed on her face awhile?

  7. Bluwall Says:
    October 11th, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    I’m scratching my head pondering your knowledge of swinging nipple clamps . . . . . just sayin’

  8. fozzy Says:
    October 11th, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    Those are meth sores on her face. If she had’t said she was a porn addict noone would have noticed another junkie burglar getting busted. As it is she’s going to be internet famous.

  9. JT Says:
    October 11th, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    She looks like she was in an icepick fight and she forgot her icepick.

  10. Metoo Says:
    October 11th, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    Looks to me like she’s powerless to purchase Noxema. That is a face only a mother could love.

  11. Wyatt Earp Says:
    October 11th, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    Jon – She looks like she got blasted in the face with birdshot.

    Sally Anne – First thing I thought: meth. She already has the meth-head going.

    John D – Or directions to the nearest free clinic.

    Danny – She is why brown bags were created.

    Ferrell – I can’t imagine what kind of porn she could be into. Beastiality?

    Bluwall – Oh, did I say that out loud?

    Fozzy – Agreed on all counts. A little young for meth, but what are ya gonna do?

    JT – Woodpecker attack.

    Metoo – And even then . . .

  12. andycanuck Says:
    October 11th, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    Obama’s done porn?

  13. Skip Says:
    October 11th, 2011 at 11:32 pm

    She caught her face on fire and beat it out with a track shoe?

  14. Bob G. Says:
    October 12th, 2011 at 9:30 am

    I did have some witty comment to post, but after reading the OTHER comments, snotting out coffee while I laughed my ass off…I plumb forgot.


    Well done, everyone!

    Stay safe out there
    (and FAR away from her)

  15. shane Says:
    October 12th, 2011 at 10:44 am

    I don’t doubt for one moment she is addicted to porn: her face is completely fucked!

  16. Wes S. Says:
    October 12th, 2011 at 11:08 am

    Methinks we need to deal with her meth problem before worrying about the pr0n issue…

  17. Wyatt Earp Says:
    October 12th, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    Andy – Nah, he’s too busy watching her eat.

    Skip – No, metal cleats.

    Shane – More divots than a driving range.

    Wes S. – Maybe she’s into meth-head pr0n?