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Weekend At Burnies

By Wyatt Earp | August 28, 2011

I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I’m not going in to work tonight, so I can continue to clean up the basement. The bad news is that I’m not going into work tonight because some jerkass plowed into my car while I was enroute to the division.

Yeah, I’m a little burned up right now.

So, I had to take a different route in tonight, because the two roads that were washed-out last night were now out from fallen trees. The new route was a little longer, but a familiar one, since it goes past my brother-in-law’s house. I was driving down a road that is divided by a low concrete median, and came upon a Prius. Yeah, from the Libtard Priuses. The driver was doing about 25 in a 35mph zone, but I didn’t care, since I am never in a rush to get to work.

The road we were driving on is wide enough for two lanes, but most people use it as a one-lane road. I blissfully followed this toad until we got to my turn (Route 611). There are three lanes at the intersection – one for left turns, one for right turns, and a through lane. I needed to make a left turn at the stop light, so I turned on my left blinker and started to move to the left of the Prius, who was obviously going straight.

Why do I say that? Because with less than 50 yards to the light, he never activated a turn signal.

I moved left and was slightly behind him when it happened. He immediately tried to turn into the shopping center on the left, without using a signal. He cut across the front of my precious, precious, Saturn VUE and clipped the right front fender. I slammed on my brakes, but he hit me before I could stop.

Then he kept moving left. Apparently the crunch didn’t faze him. He continued his left turn and drug his entire left side across my right fender. I could actually see him looking straight ahead while he continued to dig into my car. I threw my car into Park, put on my hazard lights, and screamed, “F*CK!” about ten times in a row.

I got out of my car and screamed the sentence enhancer a few more times, and the idiot in the Prius – who looked to be in his mid-50′s – pulled into the parking lot and yelled something in my direction. I couldn’t hear him, but it didn’t sound like an apology. It sounded like a “Frak you!” As I tried to get myself to stop shaking, a police officer pulled up. Here I am, outside my car, looking at the damage with my gun on my hip. I identified myself as a police detective, and told him what happened. The toad then interjected, saying the collision was all my fault.

My fault??? I remained silent, because I was choking on my own rage.

The man, most likely an Obama-voting hippie, twice told the officer, “I didn’t see him.” I smiled, because his claim that this was my fault was slowly deteriorating. His wife, a harpy shrew, stopped him and said, “He must have been trying to pass us as we were making the turn.”

Yeah, that’s it. I was going to gun the engine and make a high-speed pass a mere 50 yards before I’d have to slam on the brakes. My only interjection came at this time, when I said, “Except you never put on your turn signal.” The toad and the shrew said nothing.

Enraged as I was – I really love my car – I politely gave the officer my information, and copied it down for the toad. I also handed him my business card, and he made a frown when he read it. Mr. Toad was not a fan of police officers – or at least not a fan of police officers who call them on their bullshit stories. The responding officer wrote up a report and gave us both the incident number for our insurance policies.

The toad, in his last despicable act, asked the officer, “You wrote in your report that it was his fault, right?”

This was delicious, because I know how the township writes their reports. I smiled as the officer said, “No sir. We just take the information and report the damage to the vehicles involved. The insurance companies look at the damage and make a determination.”

Chew on that, toad-boy! And feel free to frak yourself when you get home. Piss-flap.

Thankfully, the damage to my car isn’t too severe. Dents, scratches, a cut tire – which cost me $165 – and a messed-up realignment. It goes in for a full checkup in a few days.

If you need me, I’ll be nursing my migraine and waiting for this weekend to end.

Topics: All About Wyatt | 35 Comments »

35 Responses to “Weekend At Burnies”

  1. Code Monkey Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    I strongly recommend killing some zombies.

  2. Wyatt Earp Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    CM – When the kids go to bed, I’m killing some brain cells with my good friend Captain Morgan.

  3. Robert B. Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    The Balvenie Distillery’s Single Malt, Doublewood aged Sottish whiskey calms this old bear.

    Sorry to hear of your bad luck. I’ve “ran into” a couple of jerks in my many travels also.

  4. Loaded Dice in Vegas Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    My wife has always told me that Prius drivers think they are better than anyone else. Chalk up another one for the little sweetie.

    Glad you’re not hurt. I curl up with a bottle of Jameson and I’m not even Irish.

  5. Parrothead Jeff Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    Earthquakes, hurricanes, and now this??? Hang in there and consider moving to someplace safe – like Vegas ;-)

  6. RT Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    Geesh…sorry about all the unfortunate stuff this weekend. I hope your week is a million times better.

  7. joated Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    His entire left side is crumbled, right? I sure hope his entire left side is mangled beyond repair. I truly do. Cost of repairing a Prius is pretty high.

  8. Jim Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    Can’t you total a Prius by slamming the door too hard?

  9. Rho Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    I once had a jerk pull backwards out of his driveway as I was going up the hill to my house (he lives on the left going up the hill). I was on the right side of the road, going at about 15 miles/hour. He never looked, pulled right into the side of my car between front and rear doors on driver side.
    He refused to give insurance info, called the state police. He gave the trooper a hard time, swore it was my fault. I finally heard the trooper say, “so this is your third story about what happened and this is the correct one? Her car jumped over to the left and hit your car as you were stopped at the end of your driveway?”
    Never mind the marks on the road which showed what he had done. He ended up with all the insurance costs AND a ticket!
    Loved the irony-our insurance would prob. have split the cost.

  10. C/A Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    One of the many issues the public NEVER even contemplates- how the hell do first responders get to work during natural disasters? We suck it up and risk our personal vehicles, how the hell else do you think? That’s why I drive a 4 wheel drive and I don’t give a sh*t what the tree huggers say.
    I have been on I-95 at the height of blizzards on my way to work when it was shut down, and the rest of the world is still asleep. The roads may be too dangerous for the rest of the world but somehow we make it in. I really love when “non-essential” personnel get the day off. We are only “non-essential” at contract time. By the way PFD- over two years without a new contract.

  11. BlackOrchid Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    oh my god Wyatt!

    This SUCKS!

    I am so, so SO sorry.

    Idiots!!! Damned idiots. You so would THINK this dufus would simmer down a whole hell of a lot once he learned you were a police detective!

    I swear to God – sh*t for brains, literally

  12. Wyatt Earp Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    Robert B. – Yeah, this weekend won’t go in the family scrapbook.

    LDIV – Whiskey? Pass. It gives me the spits. Although I do recommend this if you like whiskey. It’s awesome.

    PJ – Or Tripoli.

    RT – Kyle’s hockey championship game is Tuesday night. I’m working 3-11. Maybe the week after Tuesday will be good.

    Joated – No. He hit me, remember? Just scratches and scrapes down the left side.

    Jim – Apparently this ass-douche bought one made of steel.

    Rho – That’s awesome. Poetic justice.

    Captain – No worries; Mayor Squidward has that on his “To Do” list . . . after the election.

    Orchid – And I didn’t even throw it in his – or the officer’s – face. I could have said, “I’m a detective, dude; it’s my job to be observant. you didn’t use your turn signal, and that’s a ticket for you.”

    Didn’t expect any special treatment from the officer and I didn’t get it. He was very courteous to both of us, even though the other guy was a tool.

  13. Ingineer66 Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    Sorry to hear about the crash. One of the few things my mother taught me about driving. Always look over your left shoulder before turning or changing lanes to the left. I guess the Toad’s feeling was, of course he didn’t see you since he never looked.

  14. andycanuck Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    So he wasn’t a drunken Mexican illegal then. Lucky for you or he might have called the Feds on you, Wyatt.

    I curl up with a bottle of Jameson and I’m not even Irish.
    But are you at least half drunk?

  15. piperfromtn Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    Sorry, Wyatt! Isn’t it like a libtard to claim they were turning left when they didn’t indicate they were going to turn? Was this John Kerry kind of nuance that we common folk missed…”oh, I’m sorry, officer, that this man didn’t know we were going left…”

    My daughter was cut off recently by a unwise driver and she, thankfully, admitted fault. Her insurance picked up everything, including a rental car for a week.
    Hope yours goes as well.

  16. Randal Graves Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    That sucks; but don’t they just fix Saturn’s with crazy glue?

    Luckily, my two trips down to CHOP during the hurricane were uneventful.

  17. AJ Lynch Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    Prius in Jenkintown Abington Elkins Park area? I bet that guy and his wife are hipster doofi and they are living off an inheritance from their hard working parents.

  18. Wyatt Earp Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 10:09 pm

    Ingineer66 – I do the same thing. Wish other people did.

    Andy – “The legal driver acted stupidly.”

    Piper – Technically, don’t all libtards turn left? And Nationwide was right on top of things, thankfully.

    Randal – Weren’t swept away by the Schuylkill?

    AJ – Yeah, the guy was really ignorant considering his role in the event.

  19. Smite A. Hippie Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    A couple of liberals that have a problem with taking personal responsibility for their actions? shocking!

    stupid hippies…

  20. realwest Says:
    August 28th, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    Howdy Wyatt. I can certainly understand your frustration and your anger. And aside from the libtards all turn left comments and all , I’m glad your safe and apparently unharmed.
    Was there any possibility you coulda shot the s.o.b. for some legal reason? I mean, I realize that turning left without putting on your turn signal is not a capital offense, but OTOH, you’d be saving someone else this asshat will no doubt hit cause his nose is so high in the air cause he drives a Prius, that he’s just bound to hit someone else. Sort of a protect the innocent folks who’d have gotten in HIS way defense? I swear if I’d be on that Jury and heard he was driving a Prius, I’d vote “Not Guilty” at your trial!!!


  21. carver Says:
    August 29th, 2011 at 12:14 am

    Prius = douchebag, practically a scientific fact. Always give them a wide berth, I think you have to show your retard card just to purchase one.

  22. dr. evil Says:
    August 29th, 2011 at 2:01 am

    FYI/ Now For Something Completely Different:

    The George W. Bush telling of 9/11 on Nat Geo channel is phenomenal! It airs again on channel 109 (in Parkesburg, PA National Geographic in your area) on Monday nite 8-9 pm.

    It it very realistic, interesting, and HUMBLING, After viewing I truely beliebe “W” doesn’t deserve all the crap he recieved and really wasn’t the “SHIT” president he was made out to be.

    Sorry for the profanity I try to seldom use, but thought it was necessary.

  23. Skip Says:
    August 29th, 2011 at 2:28 am

    Out west, its ‘shoot, shovel, shutup’
    I’da capped ‘em both just for the mouth.
    ‘Course I’m not in Philly, and an officer of the Court.

  24. GroovyVic Says:
    August 29th, 2011 at 5:37 am

    Dr. Evil – SSSHHH!!! I DVRd the interview and haven’t watched it yet! No spoilers!!

    Wyatt, I’ve been thinking about this all night, and what chaps my arse is the other driver’s attitude. He didn’t even turn his head? Where did he learn to drive? And his disdain when you handed him your card, WTF?

    Priuses are the reason why I love my Tahoe and drive rightupontheirlittleplasticbumpers and scare the behoobies out of those liberal weenies.

    Of course, this also gets me the one finger salute…but I AM NUMBER ONE!!

    Glad you’re okay…don’t get yourself injured.

  25. Dannytheman Says:
    August 29th, 2011 at 7:32 am

    As usual, I am late to the party and sober… What a couple days you have had! Personally I think you kept your cool through a lot of crap lately and that speaks volumes about you.

    I hope the Capt Morgan got you your mojo back!

    I drive a Silverado Pickup 1500 HD to piss off pompous Prius drivers…

    On a good note, I was in Philly last night in New Liberty, which used to be the old Schmidts beer factory neighborhood. Had dinner with son at El Caminos. I noticed ample police and cameras guarding the yuppies and dinks. So I donated to the devil last night!

  26. Ranba Ral Says:
    August 29th, 2011 at 9:25 am

    Wyatt, sorry to hear about the car…and, hell, even having to deal with a Prius person. I’ve been in a few crashes (only once while driving), and it seems there’s an adverseness to taking responsibility. The worst one was when I was riding with a friend in his old Bronco and the light turned yellow while we were going through this double-wide intersection. Guy sitting at a light, coming out of a shopping center floored it while our light was still yellow and t-boned us right in front of my door. The pisser was, there was no oncoming traffic, so my buddy took us all the way into being 1/2 in the opposing lane, from the right lane on a 4 lane (each direction) regional highway, and the douche still hit us hard enough to knock us sideways about 4 1/2 feet, based on the skidmarks. Of course, this was our fault somehow too.

    I feel for the people in emergency services during bad weather. I didn’t really think about things like that until about 7-8 years ago. We’d get those lake effect blizzards that just sit and loop on themselves up in BG/Toledo. Managed to get caught in one then when I was driving back from home, because Screw You Mason Ohio. Got stuck in the first few hours of it with visibility of about 15 feet (we ultimately ended up with 2 feet on the the already iced-over accumulation of about 5 inches, and 6-8 foot snow drifts). Thank God for 4 wheel drive, because there’s no real place to pull off and stop on the I-75 corridor between Lima BG, other than Perrysburg. Found a highway patrolman who’d been run off the road into a ditch with a snowbank and had been stuck for about 3 hours. Nobody could come get him because they didn’t have Tahoes up there for some reason, like they do down here in Cinci, and everyone else was sitting tight. Ended up digging him out enough for him to get out of the car and took him to a Highway Patrol station so they wouldn’t be retrieving a copsicle later. Spent a lot of time that year digging people out of snowbanks, mostly because they were stupid and tried to drive their prius/vw/other-tiny-car over a 4+ foot snowbank, because if you can walk over it with snowshoes, why can’t you drive over it? Some were the stupid hippies who’d given me trouble for driving an SUV earlier in the year, heh.

  27. Smite A. Hippie Says:
    August 29th, 2011 at 9:45 am

    Billy Bob has the answer to your problem:

  28. Lou Says:
    August 29th, 2011 at 10:09 am

    Hell really is other people.

  29. Bob G. Says:
    August 29th, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    Sorry to hear about your car…glad YOU’RE OK, though.

    The 2 times I got to play “tag” with idiot drivers in Philly, they were BOTH AT FAULT…one ran a damn stop sign, the other bounced off another vehicle and slammed into me on Rt 130 in icy weather (nowhere to go but UP, and I couldn’t get it off the ground).

    NO-FAULT insurance???
    Not a chance!

    It’s ALWAYS somebody’s “fault”.
    (like the person that HITS YOU)

    You take it easy out there.

    Stay safe.

  30. Thomas F Says:
    August 29th, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    My favorite fender-bender was the minivan mom who t-boned me as I was driving in the lefthand turn lane, she managed to do this after weaving her van perpendicularly thru three lanes of traffic that was stopped at the same light.

    I pull up the parking brake, trafic moves on, and as the police arrive out comes somone yahoo who I can only assume is her father from the local diner/restaruant that she had just left, screaming how I caused this accident, barely started his second sentence when I asked the officer to, “tell that dumbass to go back inside, he wasn’t in the fucking van….”

    The officer didn’t say a word, dad shut his mouth and walked back inside…..

  31. Mike47 Says:
    August 29th, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    I’ve observed a growing attitude among younger drivers that everyone else must look out for you instead of the other way around. Do they even teach driver training in school anymore? What happened to defensive driving? Even bicyclists are not watching for hazards and expecting the hazards to avoid them! Duhhhh…

  32. Wes S. Says:
    August 29th, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    Wow. That’s one for the “when it rains, it pours” files.

    Should I just make you a permanent fixture of my prayer list? ;)

    Seriously, stay safe.

  33. metoo Says:
    August 29th, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    So sorry to hear about the dip stick that hit your car. Every time I see a Prius I know there is some “I feel entitled” clown behind the wheel. Those and Volvo drivers are the bain of my existance on the road.

  34. richard mcenroe Says:
    August 30th, 2011 at 12:56 am

    Boy, if ever there was a time for the “furtive movement” fairy to wave her wand…

  35. "He said His Telephone Number Was 911" Says:
    August 30th, 2011 at 9:19 am

    A Prius? All I have to say is “Jeff Dunham”