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Woman Accused Of Driving While Diddling

By Wyatt Earp | August 26, 2010


No, seriously . . . dude.

Read this story and ask yourself these questions. First, how the frak did she do this without crashing the vehicle? Second, is the suspect a man or a woman?? And finally, what kind of name is Colondra???

An Elmwood Place police officer who stopped a car because it had illegally tinted windows received a bit of a shock when he looked inside. Officer Ross Gilbert said the driver, Colondra Hamilton, a 36-year-old Downtown resident, was sitting with her pants unzipped and a sex toy in her lap.

He said Hamilton told him she was using the toy while watching a sex video on a laptop computer that a passenger in the front seat held up so she could see it.

Gilbert charged her with “driving with inappropriate alertness” and having illegal tinted windows, according to the traffic ticket.

“Driving with inappropriate alertness?” Oh puh-lease, they made that charge up. I’m sure my readers can think of a better legal term than that! Aaaaand . . . go!

Topics: WTF? | 23 Comments »

23 Responses to “Woman Accused Of Driving While Diddling”

  1. Sully Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    Driving on the rumble strip for an hour…?

  2. Mrs. Crankipants Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 8:01 pm

    I’m going with “assault with masturbatory accouterments while operating a motor vehicle”.

    Somehow I don’t think this is what Nat King Cole had in mind when he sang “Get Your Kicks On Route 66.”

  3. RT Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 8:29 pm

    Am I the only one curious about the passenger?

    I exhibit inappropriate alertness when I drink a mocha frapp…I better stay off the roads.

  4. Robert Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 8:37 pm

    Pubic area molestation while Operating a motor vehicle?

    Vaginal manipulation during vehicular travel?

    Driving while self absorbed?

    Lord have mercy this is pretty sick LMAO.

  5. Mrs. Crankipants Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    Manipulating a clitoral stimulator under the influence while operating a motor vehicle.

  6. bob (either orr) Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 8:51 pm

    Driving while sexually addicted.

  7. Watuschskie Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    Colandra is the Ebonically approved dimunitive for “colander” (which is what that bimbo looks like). Really, those nitwits’ parents just throw darts at an alphabet chart when naming their offspring.

  8. Mrs. Crankipants Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 9:35 pm

    So the inspiration for her name came from draining rigatoni?

  9. Jon Brooks Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 9:58 pm

    If she had been anywhere near good looking you possibly could have said..Driving While Intoxicating.

  10. Wyatt Earp Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    Sully – I hope her seats were Scotch-Guarded.

    Mrs. Crankipants – That would be Route 69.

    RT – The passenger was probably holding on for dear life . . . to the dashboard, I mean.

    Robert – “Driving while self-absorbed.” WINNAH!

    Mrs. Crankipants – I’m already sorry I asked for you guys’ input. Heh, “input.”

    Bob – Hell, I do that!

    Watuschskie – I think it’s Dutch-Irish. And yes, hospital staff should have veto power when these idiots make up names.

    Mrs. Crankipants – Better than draining the lizard, I suppose.

    Jon – Sadly, she doesn’t qualify.

  11. Robert B. Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 11:03 pm

    Operating two motorized devices simultaneously?

    Illegal use of a hand powered self-starter?

  12. John D Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 11:29 pm

    Driving Under the Influence of Steely Dan.

  13. Mrs. Crankipants Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 12:31 am

    Auto-eroticism in the new millennium!

  14. skip Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 1:28 am

    That skank so ugly she hadda do herself.

  15. Matthew Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 4:42 am

    Now that’s how you get arrested!

  16. Dannytheman Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 8:38 am

    She was cumming and going at the same time!!!
    Less road rage!!

  17. 1oldleg Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 11:07 am

    She has absolutely no idea why anyone could get upset. None. Those eyes are as totally void of awareness as they get. She’s a zombie.

  18. Wyatt Earp Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    Robert B – Self-starter. Heh.

    John D – *shudder*

    Mrs. Crankipants – Emphasis on “auto.”

    Skip – I can’t see many volunteers dumb enough – or blind enough – to do it.

    Matthew – Arrested with a bang.

    Danny – But more accidents when she gets sleepy afterward.

    1oldleg – Not a lot of higher brain function in there.

  19. Bob G. Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    Just plain “Driving while being STOOPID”.
    (nothing less)


  20. Thomas F Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    Vehicular little-”man”-in-the-boat-slaughter….

  21. metoo Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    Looks like she and the pipe are good friends but not as close as her laptop and battery operated toys. What kind of idiot was holding the laptop??

  22. Rides A Pale Horse Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    Not to worry!! G.M. (Government Motors) has a new option for the 2011 lineup!!

  23. Ingineer66 Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    New from Pfizer pharmaceuticals, for complete intestinal health, try Colondra. Read and follow all label directions carefully. May cause nausea, blurred vision, headache, constipation, diarrhea and in some rare cases death.