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MI5: Al Qaeda Using Breast Implant Bombs

By Wyatt Earp | February 5, 2010

Now, see? This is just dirty pool. I mean, if you want to wipe us from the face of the earth, I’m cool with that. Better pack a lunch. What I am not cool with is these rat bastards slipping IEDs into breast implants. It’s a crime against nature, I tells ya!

The only reason these scumbags are trying this is because the women in their countries look like shaved – and in some cases, unshaven – camels. I’m just sayin’.

Either way, from now on it might be a good idea to gravitate to the smaller cup sizes.

LONDON – Agents for Britain’s MI5 intelligence service have discovered that Muslim doctors trained at some of Britain’s leading teaching hospitals have returned to their own countries to fit surgical implants filled with explosives, according to a report from Joseph Farah’s G2 Bulletin.

Women suicide bombers recruited by al-Qaida are known to have had the explosives inserted in their breasts under techniques similar to breast enhancing surgery. The lethal explosives – usually PETN (pentaerythritol Tetrabitrate) – are inserted during the operation inside the plastic shapes. The breast is then sewn up.

Similar surgery has been performed on male suicide bombers. In their cases, the explosives are inserted in the appendix area or in a buttock. Both are parts of the body that diabetics use to inject themselves with their prescribed drugs.

Let this be an important safety tip to the guys in the audience. If you ever come into contact with Cindy Margolis, be careful: the chick may be a terrorist.

Topics: Snarkasm | 13 Comments »

13 Responses to “MI5: Al Qaeda Using Breast Implant Bombs”

  1. Kim Says:
    February 5th, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    I guess it’s time for guys to get back to “More than a mouthful is too much?” (Did I really just say that?)

  2. minuteman26 Says:
    February 5th, 2010 at 9:22 pm

    What I want to know is, how to they set them off?

  3. Your Friday night/Saturday morning reach around « The Daley Gator Says:
    February 5th, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    [...] Wyatt Earp will never look at breasts the same again! [...]

  4. cbinflux Says:
    February 5th, 2010 at 11:13 pm

    What I want to know is, how to they set them off?

    Titty Twisters

  5. Crusty Says:
    February 5th, 2010 at 11:34 pm

    Gives a new meaning to “they are dynamite”

  6. skip Says:
    February 6th, 2010 at 3:23 am

    So…if you see a Burka with big bumps I can shoot?

  7. Jon Brooks Says:
    February 6th, 2010 at 5:02 am

    C4 cup size?

  8. JavaJoe Says:
    February 6th, 2010 at 9:19 am

    I volunteer to diligently and methodically examine all breasts.

    I’m a giver.

  9. Watuschskie Says:
    February 6th, 2010 at 10:24 am

    Couldn’t they just take all their ugly camel-females over there out to the middle of the desert and blow them up?

  10. proof Says:
    February 6th, 2010 at 11:57 am

    Our “security” experts haven’t even finished the debate over devices that might have caught the underwear bomber and our enemies are experimenting with subcutaneous devices. Technology will not stop our enemies any time soon. Perhaps we should start profiling the people who might be tempted to carry bombs onto airplanes? Nah!

  11. proof Says:
    February 6th, 2010 at 11:58 am

    I should have said: “Technology alone…”

  12. Thomas F Says:
    February 6th, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    If it is Cindy, I will gladly throw myself on her to save you all…… “huh what’s that we’re not on a plane, no, no, no, you run I am trying to find the detonators!”

  13. Wyatt Earp Says:
    February 7th, 2010 at 9:07 am

    Kim – You did, and I LOL’d.

    Minuteman – Cold weather sets off the “popper?”

    Cbinflux – BINGO!

    Crusty – Just don’t have them blow up in your face.

    Skip – Fire away!

    Jon – Well played, sir.

    JavaJoe – If you need an assistant, give me a call.

    Watuschskie – Why do you think they invented the burka?

    Proof – Well, let’s see, what kind of people bomb airplanes . . . Hmm . . .

    Thomas F – And of course, you’ll have to feel around to find the detonators.