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Hate Mail O’ The Week

By Wyatt Earp | June 23, 2009


It is always fun to open the mailbag – in this case, my comments queue – to see what the lunatics have to say. This reader, like most of the folks featured at Hate Mail O’ The Week, probably stumbled upon my blog after looking for ways to make clothing out of hemp.

Well, “David” didn’t agree with one of my True Detective Stories. So, before he left his parent’s basement to get some marijuana-induced “munchies,” he fired off a textbook example of HopeyChange idiocy. To wit:

You insult people who do not share your ultra-conservative, retribution-based vision of criminal justice but instead have the capacity to think objectively? Yea, I’m glad people like you hold such positions of authority (this is sarcasm, you may not have heard of it).

I honestly wish more people in my very conservative neighborhood had the attitude this woman and her son had; the world would be a much kinder place if everyone wasn’t out for blood. You people really need some more real-world experience. Stop watching Fox News, stop listening to Rush Limbaugh, and stop going to church. You are being brainwashed and sadly you don’t even realize it.

Bawahahahahaha! How funny is it when a troll reads one blog post out of 4,839 (as of this writing) and immediately thinks he or she knows everything about me? Similarly, why do I always receive hate mail a full month after the “offending” post is written?

Please allow me respond to David’s moronic comment in stages:

1. Davey, I would classify myself as conservative, not ultra-conservative. Read more than one post, and you will realize that I despise Sean Hannity, I think Pat Buchanan is an anti-Semite, and I had lots of problems with George W. Bush – immigration chief among them. That being said, I think Rush Limbaugh is the most entertaining radio host ever.

2. Daveycakes, the comment about my “retribution-based vision of criminal justice?” Spot on. I imagine you will feel the same way when some thug robs you point of gun. I also imagine you will thank God above that I am in a position of authority and get down on your knees to beg me to find the bastards that victimized you. And you’ll be in luck, because I am pretty damned good at my job.

The rest of the analysis is under the fold:

3. Davey Boy, not to sound like a broken record, but if you read more than one post here, you would know that I have not heard of sarcasm. I have perfected it. Thank you, though, for enlightening me on its proper use. You sir, have opened my eyes to a literary tool the likes of which I have never experienced! I owe you a debt that I fear I may never be able to repay! (Now, that’s sarcasm. Learn from a professional, kid.)

4. Dave-o said, “[T]he world would be a much kinder place if everyone wasn’t out for blood.” That sir, is the funniest line of this rant. It is also the reason why the HopeyChange attitude is failing miserably. But please, feel free to try to negotiate with terrorists and bargain with suicidal dictators like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. How did that work out for Neda, by the way? Better yet, how about you fly out to Hawaii on or about July 4th and see if Kim Jong Il will give you a celebratory fireworks display?

Of course the world would be a much kinder place, you dolt! But those of us in the real world know that those HopeyChange thoughts are pure fantasy. It’s time to wake up.

5. The Davinator said, “You people really need some more real-world experience. Uh-huh. I spent almost half my life patrolling the streets of Philadelphia, while you probably spent a few minutes driving through North Philly.

6. Dave finishes up with his pièce de résistance: an attack on Fox News, Rush, and church. For the record, I rarely watch Fox News. Hell, I rarely watch any news; it’s too depressing, and my tender sensibilities cannot handle it.

But why the attack on church, Dave? Is it because your liberal masters demand that you paint everyone who disagrees with you with a wide “bitter, gun/religion-clinging” brush? So you know, I am a Roman-Catholic who proudly sends his children to Catholic school, only occasionally (to my family’s chagrin) goes to Mass, and opposes abortion. And guess what? I am smart enough to separate the morality and the good values from the utter b.s. Unlike some liberals, I can think for myself. You should try it some time, instead of crafting argument from the Bill Maher liberal playbook.

Topics: Hate Mail | 20 Comments »

20 Responses to “Hate Mail O’ The Week”

  1. Sully Says:
    June 23rd, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    Golf clap…..

  2. CaptainAmerica Says:
    June 23rd, 2009 at 5:27 pm

    Davey… Davey what are you doing up there?
    NOTHING ma!

  3. BobG Says:
    June 23rd, 2009 at 6:19 pm

    Davey sounds like a sheltered college student still living in his mother’s basement; he obviously has no experience dealing with the real world. Hell, he doesn’t even have the intelligence or experience to be a decent troll.

  4. Easily Lost Says:
    June 23rd, 2009 at 7:18 pm

    You should feel honored they took time out of their obviously busy, busy schedules to even bother to write to someone as lowly as you.
    (Some of us aren’t quite as well versed in sarcasm as you Wyatt, but we try)

  5. Maggie Mama Says:
    June 23rd, 2009 at 7:41 pm

    Good Grief, Wyatt. Clinging to your guns and Bible.

    What are we going to do with you?

    How does POTUS sound?

  6. bob (either orr) Says:
    June 23rd, 2009 at 8:36 pm

    I nominate Daveyboy (?) for the title of Troll of the Tundra, a place to which he should be banished.

  7. Wyatt Earp Says:
    June 23rd, 2009 at 8:49 pm

    Sully – Thank you, I’ll be here all week.

    Captain – Strangely enough, that Davey would have a better handle on this situation than this one.

    BobG – He is almost surely a liberal college student that thinks his diploma is all he needs to make him smarter than us all.

    E.L. – I would have been honored if he responded the week it was posted, not a month later.

    Maggie Mama – Thanks, but it would never happen. Someone would find out that I post without wearing any pants . . . and the dead hookers in the trunk of my car.

    Bob – If he lives in Philly, he is probably a neighbor of mine. Just my luck.

  8. Remulak Moxargon Says:
    June 23rd, 2009 at 9:02 pm

    I think I should say that my empire, the most advanced civilization in the universe bases our justice system on rehabilitation.

    Our entertainment system though, is retribution based.

  9. Kim Says:
    June 23rd, 2009 at 9:07 pm

    I like my guns and my Bible.

  10. Pamela D. Hart Says:
    June 23rd, 2009 at 9:10 pm

    Mr. Earp: Are we even sure Davey’s old enough to use a computer? He may hurt himself trying to think and type at the same time.

  11. Easily Lost Says:
    June 23rd, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    It’s that busy, busy schedule of his, I tell ya, he just got a free moment.

  12. Snigs Says:
    June 23rd, 2009 at 10:00 pm

    Similarly, why do I always receive hate mail a full month after the “offending” post is written?

    Because they’re just that slow Wyatt. I mean, how can you expect single-celled amoebas to come up with such blistering sarcasm in any less time than a month?

  13. USA_Admiral Says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 10:43 am

    Point Number 3

    Best ever!

  14. Assrot Says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 6:13 pm

    Wyatt you are one hell of a buzz kill. Now old Davie is going to have to smoke some more dope to get back to his previous state of bliss.

    I’d say what I really think of Davie and his ilk but I’m trying to respect your request not to use “sentence enhancers”.



  15. Jim Ramsey Says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 10:01 pm

    Sheep/Sheepdog, only Davey doesn’t even know it. He’ll baa’ll like a baby when the real world catches up to him. What is wrong with some liberals that they just cannot understand that evil exists, and that some people just need to die? I’ll keep my Bible, my guns, and my ideas that I am responsible for my actions, and whatever decisions I have to make to protect my life, my family, my property, and whatever innocents that are threatened in my presence. Can’t you just see Davey sitting in his parent’s basement, surfing the porn channels, playing with the only small caliber firearm he has?

  16. Wyatt Earp Says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 10:06 pm

    Remulak – Then remind me to never buy an XBOX 360 from your empire.

    Kim – I like mine, too. Oooh, I also love being bitter!

    Pamela – Maybe Mommy typed the comment for him?

    E.L. – True. Scoring weed takes a lot of time.

    Snigs – Boy has to practice if he wants to snark with the professionals.

    Admiral – Thankew!

    Joe – Understood. He’s not worth the vulgarity, anyway. Just another moron we’ll never hear from again.

  17. Rick Says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 10:59 pm

    One bitter clinger to another Thank God for people like you that make up the Thin Blue Line.

  18. Mike47 Says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 11:56 pm


  19. The Girl You Don't Bring Home to Momma Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 6:56 pm

    When I read the “real world experience” all I could think of is that a cop probably gets closer to the real world than any of us normal people. I love hate mail. It’s so entertaining. I haven’t gotten any lately, I feel so unloved. Don’t worry Wyatt, I love your saracasim, even when I don’t agree with you.

  20. Tyler D Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 10:27 pm

    I have noticed that when you stop blogging you get less hate mail….

    Well, me anyway.