Recent Posts

Recent Comments


Cop Land

« Senator Chris Dodd: Scumbag Hypocrite Liar | Main | A Note For The Unemployed In Rhode Island »

The Most Bizarre Story In PPD History

By Wyatt Earp | March 19, 2009

Apparently, there is a lot more going on in some of our special departmental units than meets the eye. Who knew?

Actually, after reading this story, I wish I didn’t know.

There isn’t much I can add to this, except to say that it is (allegedly) very true. God help us all.

A case making its way through the Police Department’s Internal Affairs Bureau will be of great interest to small, twitchy members of the animal kingdom.

The target of the investigation is an amiable, wide-eyed squirrel.

This is my department, in all of its embarrassing glory.

Evelyn Heath, a noted animal lover and police chief inspector assigned to the Forensic Science Bureau, was recently accused by a co-worker of having harbored a squirrel in her office, police sources told the Daily News.

While the claim was believed to be untrue, it wasn’t forgotten by cops who planned a little birthday celebration for Heath last week.

On Friday morning, several officers called Heath into an office at the bureau’s headquarters at 8th and Poplar streets and presented her with a few gifts. Suddenly, sources said, there was a knock at the door.

Heath opened the door and found a tall, grinning squirrel – complete with a bag of nuts – hopping in front of her, sources said.

An officer who works at the bureau’s headquarters had rented the suit from Pierre’s Costumes, at 3rd and Arch streets. Heath found the gag hilarious, and even invited the “squirrel” up to her office to pose for a few pictures, sources said.

So far, it’s a pretty tame – albeit bizarre – story. It gets better (or worse).

The costumed cop left Heath’s office and waved at curious onlookers. And that’s when the fur started to fly.

Sources said Carmen Vuotto, a captain who was transferred from Forensics on Friday to the police radio room, caught a glimpse of the waving squirrel and thought he was being mocked as he left the unit. Vuotto and Heath reportedly have a tense relationship.

Vuotto filed a complaint against the squirrel-cop with Internal Affairs. Several investigators were immediately dispatched to 8th and Poplar. (H/

So, the captain filed an Internal Affairs complaint after being waved to by a police officer in a squirrel’s uniform? Wow.

You just can’t make this up, kids.

Topics: Philly, The Job | 9 Comments »

9 Responses to “The Most Bizarre Story In PPD History”

  1. USA_Admiral Says:
    March 19th, 2009 at 8:20 pm

    That is what would be called bad office politics.

    Your job must really be entertaining.

  2. Old NFO Says:
    March 19th, 2009 at 10:11 pm

    The nuts…er…squirrels are running the asylum!

  3. Kim Says:
    March 19th, 2009 at 10:26 pm

    Talk about nutty!

  4. Diller Says:
    March 19th, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    Wyatt,are you sure the squirrel did’nt give the good Captain the ol finger wave!

  5. kaveman Says:
    March 20th, 2009 at 12:20 am

    It sure is nice to see that Philly has finally solved all its crime problems to the point where it can focus its attention on cops dressed up in rodent costumes.

    I’m a huge smart-ass and fan of this blog, But crap like this makes me glad my town doesn’t have a police department.

  6. RT Says:
    March 20th, 2009 at 12:53 am



  7. Wyatt Earp Says:
    March 20th, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    Admiral – I wish it was this entertaining. The idle bosses at work.

    Old NFO – Welcome to the Philadelphia Police Department.

    Kim – Very punny.

    Diller – I’m pretty sure, but who the Hell knows?

    Kaveman – This story is funny, but not “Ha, ha” funny.

    RT – As you should be. These are our leaders.

  8. joated Says:
    March 20th, 2009 at 6:28 pm

    Sounds like Vuotto needs to be placed on psych/med leave ASAP. Complete over reaction regardless of the squirrel’s activity. The good Captain could be a danger to the citizenry of Philly and himself.

  9. Bitter American Says:
    March 21st, 2009 at 12:06 am

    This is coming from the same city that used a rat to recruit paramedics to the Fire Department. Go figure,…