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News From The Front

By Wyatt Earp | October 24, 2008

My God, is it January 3rd yet?

So, I was talking to my former partner the other night, and he was telling me about his newborn daughter. While we were talking, he mentioned that having a baby is a huge responsibility . . . and a lot of work.

A baby. Meaning one.

If life were a sitcom, there would have been a split screen showing me getting angry and his head exploding, like in Scanners. I wanted to say the following:

“You’re overwhelmed with one child? Are you frakkin kidding me?!! I HAVE THREE AND MY FOURTH WILL BE HERE IN TWO MONTHS!!!

Thankfully, discretion got the better of me, and I didn’t mention it again until I got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I said to the missus: “Wait til you hear what Gerry told me . . . “ When I finished the story, she looked at me like I had three heads. She then calmly explained that when we had Kyle, we were pulling our hair out as much (or more) as Gerry and his wife are doing now. “You just forgot,” she said. As usual, she was right.

And then it hit me. Our fourth child will be here ’round Christmas. We can’t play man-to-man defense with our kids anymore. We have to play zone. For those of you without children, I can tell you with surety that raising kids is hard. Scary hard. So hard that no matter how hard I tell you it is, it still won’t prepare you for it. And it gets harder with every passing child. Kyle was a handful. Erik was a tornado. Kevin is a weapon of mass destruction. I can only imagine what the daughter will bring.

And it doesn’t get any easier when they get older. Now, we have to shuttle them back and forth to school, sports, and other assorted activities. We have to give them undivided attention all the time, and we have to worry ourselves half to death during their every waking moment. It’s insane.

Don’t get me wrong. It is all worth it and I love my kids more than life itself, but it takes so much out of you. I’m tired. Really tired. And I don’t even really raise the kids. The missus does all of the grunt work. That being said, when I come home from work, spend time with the kids, go to ice hockey games, write my weekly FSM article, and blog five times a day, I have exactly 22 seconds of “me” time.

And in January, that time will be scaled back to about 17 seconds.

So, if some of my posts seem a little hurried . . . or if I don’t stop by your blogs as often as I used to do . . . or if I don’t post a babe in a week, please don’t take it personally. I’m trying my best here.

Topics: The Boys |

14 Responses to “News From The Front”

  1. Kim Says:
    October 24th, 2008 at 7:31 am

    You are absolutely right. It is the hardest, most demanding, most emotionally, physically, mentally, sprirtually draining, most time consuming job there is.

    It is also the most rewarding job there is.

    And she is right. With a new baby, you just forgot. ;)

  2. GroovyVic Says:
    October 24th, 2008 at 9:20 am

    I agree with Kim.

    As far as preparing for a little girl, start stocking up on pink things - everything must be pink - and start steadying yourself for the tearful meltdowns that will occur at least once a day like clockwork.

    I hope, for your sake, your daughter is not the emotional ball of sleepless energy that mine is!

  3. bob (either orr) Says:
    October 24th, 2008 at 9:34 am

    Great clan, man. That’s motivation to get it done right there.

  4. USA_Admiral Says:
    October 24th, 2008 at 10:31 am

    Understand. I have one and have little time. You must have none. Keep up the great work too.

  5. Deanna Says:
    October 24th, 2008 at 10:35 am

    Look at that picture. That is just amazing. It is a good thing nothing can prepare you for being a parent or no one would do it! It is tough, amazing, challenging, rewarding and I wouldn’t change it for ANYTHING in the world.

  6. Doghouse Says:
    October 24th, 2008 at 11:34 am

    I moved from man to zone two years ago. It makes a big difference.

    Having a daughter will be easier on you though.

    At first.

  7. Easily Lost Says:
    October 24th, 2008 at 11:58 am

    The son was the easier of the 2 to raise, he’s mellow, level headed and rarely gets angry(like his mom)
    My daughter (and first born) on the other hand has been a wildcat almost since day one, she’s 21 now, and to this day I swear aliens abducted her and replaced her with an experiment gone wrong. I wouldn’t trade either one of them in for a different model.

  8. Jerry Says:
    October 24th, 2008 at 2:05 pm

    You have beautiful children, great family. My wife and I raised 4. Now we have one granddaughter and another grandbaby due in March. Hope your rewards/blessings are as great or greater as/than ours.

  9. Rick Says:
    October 24th, 2008 at 3:26 pm

    I have two daughters. And they keep me hopping
    They are the light of my life.

  10. The British Bird Says:
    October 24th, 2008 at 4:11 pm

    heh.. just wait until they are teenagers.. I have two girls OMG!! I love them but right now I want to beat them into submission.

  11. Sssteve Says:
    October 24th, 2008 at 4:41 pm

    Right on British!!

    Dude, you know Elina and I had 4 within 5 years. At first it wasn’t so bad. Like playing zone defense. But then they hit teenagerhood! Eyecarumba!! Now, time has sped up about 10 times. Everytime I turn around, there is something else, that Dad has to take care of!! But then we sit down have dinner together, clear the dishes, pull out the board game, and laugh by butt off all night long!! I used to long for the nights us guys use to have, playing B-ball or just hanging out. Screw that, I love having this family!!

    You’ll be fine!! Enjoy the ride, it gets crazy!! Whew!!

  12. Sssteve Says:
    October 24th, 2008 at 4:42 pm

    That is supposed to be “laugh MY butt off” I should run all my comments by RT first for proofread!

    btw, sorry for the long comment!

  13. RT Says:
    October 24th, 2008 at 9:19 pm

    That would be, “I should run all of my comments by RT for her to proofread.”

    Heh. (Or something like that…)

    I’d comment on the kids thing, but I don’t have any, so I don’t want to give you an answer coming from pure ignorance.

    However, I can comment on teenagers: I love ‘em. They are frustrating and manipulative to no end. BUT, I get to watch them grow from awkward 14-year-old kids into young adults. I see my kids more than their parents do. (Everytime I see a cute little kid I think, “Oh man, that kid is going to be a teenager.”

    They’re not all scary, but they are trying to create their own identities…parents be danged.

  14. Wyatt Earp Says:
    October 25th, 2008 at 1:36 am

    Kim - Yeah, she’s right. She’ll tell you she always is.

    GroovyVic - Pink. Oh, for God’s sake!

    Bob - Thanks. They motivate me to be better.

    Admiral - Thanks, I’m trying.

    Deanna - Yeah, they’re a bunch of hams.

    Doghouse - A daughter will be easier? No chance.

    E.L. - My boys are bundles of energy. Hopefully, the daughter will be more mellow.

    Jerry - Thanks much!

    Rick - Our first is our last. Four is enough.

    TBB - Mine will be locked away until she’s 65.

    Sssteve - We had a “Five-Year Plan” of no kids. The wife put the kibosh on that after year three of our marriage.

    RT - I plan on sending my teens to boarding school . . . in Russia.