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Man Charged After Passing Gas Toward Cop

By Wyatt Earp | September 25, 2008

<i>A police sketch artist's rendering of the crime.</i>

A police sketch artist's rendering of the crime.

The sentence? Death by methane.

SOUTH CHARLESTON, W.Va. – A West Virginia man who police said passed gas and fanned it toward a patrolman has been charged with battery on a police officer.

Wait a minute, we can charge people for this? Note to Randal Graves, Vincent Antonelli and The Badger: I am currently obtaining arrest warrants for you stinky bastards.

Jose A. Cruz, 34, of Clarksburg, was pulled over early Tuesday for driving without headlights, police said. According to the criminal complaint, Cruz smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and failed three field sobriety tests before he was handcuffed and taken to a police station for a breathalyzer test.

As Patrolman T.E. Parsons prepared the machine, Cruz scooted his chair toward Parsons, lifted his leg and “passed gas loudly,” the complaint said.

Cruz, according to complaint, then fanned the gas toward the officer.

Strangely enough, the passing of gas is a misdemeanor, but the fanning is a felony of the second degree. Cruz is looking at 10-20 years. He probably would have been looking at less time if he struck the officer with his the chair!

“The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons,” the complaint alleged.

In defense of Mr. Cruz, there is a chance that he was eating Mexican food earlier in the day. There’s the source of the problem right there!

Cruz acknowledged passing gas, but said he didn’t move his chair toward the officer nor aim gas at the patrolman. He said he had an upset stomach at the time, but police denied his request to go to the bathroom when he first arrived at the station.

“I couldn’t hold it no more,” he said. (H/T -->Doghouse -->)

I guarantee the next time Mr. Cruz is stopped by the police, he’ll “clear the pipes” before the officer approaches his vehicle. Well, live and learn.

Topics: The Job | 11 Comments »

11 Responses to “Man Charged After Passing Gas Toward Cop”

  1. Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 4:11 pm

    I fart in your general direction.

  2. -->Doghouse --> Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 4:15 pm

    If they give him the death penalty, will they use the gas chamber?

  3. RT Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 5:33 pm

    Schlitz and hard-boiled eggs will get you every time! (I’ve hung out with some gross dudes.)

  4. Old Soldier Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 5:43 pm

    You got to be shitting me.. kinda like the 98 year old man in Houston who was arrested for attacking an 18 year old female, he was charged with assault with a dead weapon. Ha.. no shit.

  5. BobG Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 6:00 pm

    The patrolman must have pulled his finger while setting up the breathalyzer.

  6. Sully Says:
    September 25th, 2008 at 6:11 pm

    you gotta be biosoliding me…

  7. GroovyVic Says:
    September 26th, 2008 at 7:08 am

    Wait…farting is a misdemeanor?

    I’m in big trouble.

  8. Felonious Flatulence « Fiddle Dee Dee Says:
    September 26th, 2008 at 7:15 am

    [...] September 26, 2008 by groovyvic WV man charged with battery after farting in the general direction of a cop. [...]

  9. kaveman Says:
    September 26th, 2008 at 11:09 am

    Well if farting on a copper is battery of a police officer, can I extrapolate and say that farting on a non-LEO is simple assault?

    One more thing, can I make a citizens arrest on my dog?

    She’s like a bag of death with an outlet valve.

  10. USA_Admiral Says:
    September 26th, 2008 at 12:41 pm

    LOL, “Clear the pipes” is the classy way I have ever heard it put.

  11. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 26th, 2008 at 7:03 pm

    Randal – You must be French!

    Doghouse – Yeah, and it will be hooked up to Rosie O’Donnell’s anus.

    RT – Schlitz? Why not drink your own urine?

    Old Soldier – Oh, that’s lovely.

    BobG – See? He deserved it!!!

    Sully – Hey, thanks for remembering that post!

    GroovyVic – Just hold it in when the officer stops you.

    Kaveman – Send him away to the pound for seven years’ hard labor.

    Admiral – I do what I can. I try to keep this a family blog.