By Wyatt Earp | September 25, 2008
The sentence? Death by methane.
SOUTH CHARLESTON, W.Va. – A West Virginia man who police said passed gas and fanned it toward a patrolman has been charged with battery on a police officer.
Wait a minute, we can charge people for this? Note to Randal Graves, Vincent Antonelli and The Badger: I am currently obtaining arrest warrants for you stinky bastards.
Jose A. Cruz, 34, of Clarksburg, was pulled over early Tuesday for driving without headlights, police said. According to the criminal complaint, Cruz smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and failed three field sobriety tests before he was handcuffed and taken to a police station for a breathalyzer test.
As Patrolman T.E. Parsons prepared the machine, Cruz scooted his chair toward Parsons, lifted his leg and “passed gas loudly,” the complaint said.
Cruz, according to complaint, then fanned the gas toward the officer.
Strangely enough, the passing of gas is a misdemeanor, but the fanning is a felony of the second degree. Cruz is looking at 10-20 years. He probably would have been looking at less time if he struck the officer with his the chair!
“The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons,” the complaint alleged.
In defense of Mr. Cruz, there is a chance that he was eating Mexican food earlier in the day. There’s the source of the problem right there!
Cruz acknowledged passing gas, but said he didn’t move his chair toward the officer nor aim gas at the patrolman. He said he had an upset stomach at the time, but police denied his request to go to the bathroom when he first arrived at the station.
“I couldn’t hold it no more,” he said. (H/T – -->Doghouse -->)
I guarantee the next time Mr. Cruz is stopped by the police, he’ll “clear the pipes” before the officer approaches his vehicle. Well, live and learn.