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Do Not Open Until Christmas

By Wyatt Earp | September 12, 2008

Do not adjust your computer monitors. Yes, that is an ultrasound picture of a child. Yes, that child happens to be mine. Yes, that picture was taken this afternoon.

I know what you’re thinking: “But Wyatt, how could this have happened?”

Well, you see, when a man and a woman are in love, sometimes they get that feeling, and . . . Oh, you probably already know how babies are made. Well, maybe not Insolublog, but the rest of you are caught up on that. Heh. Hopefully, I will be able to clear up any questions you may have with the following tidbits:

1. The vasectomy – as far as we know – worked fine. When I had the procedure, the missus was already pregnant. I was supposed to get snipped after the birth of Kevin (Feb. 14), but I put it off. Oops!

2. Here’s an important safety tip: If your wife just had a baby, she is incredibly fertile afterward. Medical experts that the wife and I are, we thought the opposite. When Kevin was born, I had lost most of my Blogger Blubber Battle weight. The missus had gestational diabetes, and she was put on a special diet which helped her lose a lot of weight. Suddenly, we were two people who looked a lot better to each other, and when she was cleared, we spent a lot of quality time together.

Then, one night, she came downstairs while wearing my Slovakia hockey jersey, and . . . well, I’ve said too much.

At Kevin’s christening in April – remember, he was born in February – we were already starting to panic. We thought there was a chance the wife was pregnant, but we didn’t say a word. After fretting and sweating for another month, she took a pregnancy test, and voila’ – parents again.

3. The wife and I have been sitting on this news since May. Although it is a true blessing, the news of the pregnancy has been a little stressful. We’ll really need to buckle down with “Irish Twins,” but we’ll be okay. However, I haven’t been on a lot of your blogs for a while, and some of my postings have been lame. I am not losing interest in blogging, and I am not quitting, but I want you all to know that I have had a lot on my mind for the past few months.

So, that brings us to today. We went to the hospital for the ultrasound and the tech asked us if we wanted to know the sex of the baby. I replied, “Well, we already know, because I only produce boys, but if you want to confirm it for us, go right ahead.” The tech moved the scope around a little, turned to me, smiled, and said, “You were wrong.”

The first (and last) Earp Girl is due on January 3, 2008. We couldn’t be happier.

Topics: The Girl | 37 Comments »

37 Responses to “Do Not Open Until Christmas”

  1. RT Says:
    September 12th, 2008 at 9:15 pm



    Even though it is an unexpected and unplanned little one, it is the most beautiful of blessings! Congratulations to you both.

  2. -->Fiar --> Says:
    September 12th, 2008 at 9:19 pm

    Congratulations on being punished with a baby…

    Love, Barack.

  3. Tyler D. Says:
    September 12th, 2008 at 9:19 pm


  4. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 12th, 2008 at 9:24 pm

    RT – Yeah, it’s cool. As for a girl: fourth time’s the charm!

    Fiar – Bwahahahahaha! Nice one!

    Tyler – Yeah, we need to find a hobby. Well, a different hobby!

  5. marvin Says:
    September 12th, 2008 at 9:31 pm

    Remember, fifteen years from now when the first date comes over, make sure you spend a lot of time talking to him about all the homicides you worked, and how you would never commit murder, but if you ever did, you could make it look like an accident.

  6. grimjack Says:
    September 12th, 2008 at 9:38 pm

    A girl. God help her.


  7. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 12th, 2008 at 9:41 pm

    Marvin – She’s not here yet, and already she’s grounded until she’s 45. And when that date does come over, me and my sons will be sitting outside . . . with shotguns.

    Grimjack – Thank you, sir. You’ll have to tell me the tricks of the trade.

  8. Kim Says:
    September 12th, 2008 at 9:49 pm

    Let your wife know that tandem nursing is possible and it is perfectly safe to nurse all through a pregnancy. (If she is still nursing.) I speak from experience. Just ask Bethany and Hannah.

    As for having a girl…. God help her. She’s gonna need it in your household. ;)

  9. Big White Hat Says:
    September 12th, 2008 at 9:52 pm

    You trying to have more than me?

  10. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 12th, 2008 at 9:55 pm

    Kim – Yeah, it’s an onslaught of testosterone here. It rocks!

    BWH – Not on purpose!

  11. Snigs Says:
    September 12th, 2008 at 10:24 pm

    God help her nothing- God best be helping you Wyatt. Your girl is likely to be tougher than a pine knot and she’s going to have you so wrapped around her tiny little finger from the get-go it won’t even be funny.

    I speak from experience- 2 stepsons and a son of my own, then *wham* we had a girl. From prim and proper ladylike doll to Dick the Bruiser in two seconds I tell you. She gave her 14 year old half brother a concussion when she was 13 months old. (Never underestimate the power of a See & Say in the hands of a ticked off toddler)

    Congratulations to you and the Mrs.!

  12. momster Says:
    September 12th, 2008 at 10:43 pm

    I am so happy for you. What a lucky little girl to have all those big brothers to look after her. Congratulation to both of you.

  13. Dennis Says:
    September 12th, 2008 at 11:20 pm

    Very Cool!

  14. ArkieRN Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 12:29 am

    Congratulations! Now give your poor wife a back and foot rub.

  15. Dorkelina Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 2:49 am

    I am refusing to make any sarcastic comments!

    I mean, Wyatt always picks on me for all my oodles of kids, and look what happened.

    Way to go, man. Really. ^_^

    Nursing through pregnancy though- it takes a lot out of a person. I didn’t put on an ounce of weight for the first 3 months when I was knocked up last. And my son wasn’t getting enough from what milk he was getting. So if that is the situation, I am hoping the docs are keeping close tabs on everyone?

  16. rightwingprof Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 4:02 am


  17. Ky Person Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 5:43 am

    A girl! Well congratulations to you and Mrs. Wyatt. This is exactly what happened to my fitness teacher. She and her husband had three boys, thought it was all over and then bingo – they have a girl. And they all adore her.

  18. GM Cassel AMH1(AW) USN RET Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 6:41 am

    Congatulations to you and the missus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I have been in stage 2, Grandchildren, and it is still exciting and wonderful.

  19. GroovyVic Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 7:32 am

    Oh Wyatt! Congratulations! Your three boys are going to be very protective of their little sister, you just watch.

    And, as for names…I think Victoria is a perfect choice.

    I’m not biased or anything.

  20. Sully Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 7:37 am


    I’ll set a cigar aside.

  21. Jim in Virginia Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 10:58 am

    Terrific! I have twin daughters born January 3, 1995. (Will you need babysitters?) It still gets better every day.
    Infant twins were exhausting and exhilirating. IMHO having two kids less than two years apart is harder than having twins. Ours were usually on the same schedule. Get sleep now. Good luck!

  22. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 12:00 pm

    Snigs – Thanks! I’ll unleash Hurricane Erik (4) on her, and she’ll instantly be the toughest gal on the block.

    Momster – Thanks!

    Dennis – Yeah, it’s a scene, man!

    ArkieRN – Why? She sits around all day and eats bon-bons. *ducks*

    Dorkelina – No worries there: the missus isn’t feeding. And thanks for not laughing too loud at this . . . I know it’s killing you inside! :)

    Prof – Thank you, sir!

    Ky person – We would have been happy either way, but it’s exciting that it’s a girl.

    GM Cassel – Thanks, sir! We’re really happy.

    GroovyVic – No, not at all. We have a few names in mind already, but only the middle name is set in stone.

    Sully – Giddyup!

    Jim – Yeah, ours will be about ten months apart, but with the way Kevin is growing, he could be crawling in no time. He sleeps through the night, too, so that makes things easier.

  23. Monica Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 12:01 pm

    Woo-hoo! Haaaaaaawesome. My youngest two are eleven months apart. And to think, I had to go thru IVF to get the eldest. Two spontaneous bundles o’ joy in a row. Whew! I knew I was in trouble when the nurses in the hospital said, “Weren’t you just here? Don’t I know you?” He he.

    Congratulations, it will really be like having 1 kid with 2 heads. I love it!

  24. Monica Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 12:02 pm

    I always thought Holly to be a nice name, especially for a Christmas baby.

  25. Sean Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 12:58 pm

    Congratulations to you both – what a wonderful surprise! And I thought I was overwhelmed with two….

    Best of wishes to both you and the missus, as well as the other little ones.

  26. joated Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 1:31 pm

    Congratulations! There’s nothing else to say. Except good luck!

  27. Deanna Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 3:55 pm

    Sugar and spice and everything nice…
    that’s what little girls are made of….

    So excited for you! The best gifts are surprises!

  28. Trixie Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 7:46 pm

    My dad was a cop–a Captain. He used to just sit and stare at my dates with his arms crossed. He scared them all to death. Have fun.

    In all seriousness, though Wyatt, congratulations. The best of all possible news.

  29. Insolublog Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 9:28 pm

    Hmm. Wyatt’s a hockey dad. It looks like we have another lipstick wearing pit bull in the Earp clan!

  30. Woody Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 9:29 pm


    Congratulations. I have a girl. It’s great. Not looking forward to the dating years though. We may just move to ANWR.

  31. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 9:42 pm

    Monica – Thank you. We have the names narrowed down to a few, but since we never expected a girl, we’re going through the name book again.

    Sean – Yeah, my old partner told me that his (ONLY) child was wearing him out. I looked at him like he had three heads, since I am about to have my 4th.

    Joated – Yeah, I’ll need it. Thanks.

    Deanna – It was a very god day.

    Trixie – Thanks. I think we’ll do that. Me, Kyle, Erik, and Kevin will encircle the poor schlub and make him wet his pants. Heh, good times.

    Insol – Between her and the missus, we’ll be covered!

    Woody – Thanks! Save us some room, just in case!

  32. Smite A. Hippie Says:
    September 13th, 2008 at 10:47 pm

    heh.. good show, man. Congrats!!

  33. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 14th, 2008 at 6:48 pm

    Smite – Thank you, sir!

  34. Peakah Says:
    September 14th, 2008 at 9:09 pm

    Heheh, that story sounds similar to ours… I put off the vasectomy and then badabing… we have Haley! (My wife ensured that the vasectomy happened before Haley arrived but I tell you what, I wouldn’t be able to imagine life with out her! She is one lil bundle of manic energy and is already twice as smart as her older brothers, and she knows it.

    There’s nothing like having a baby girl… Congrats bro!

  35. Sssteve Says:
    September 15th, 2008 at 1:32 am

    Sorry I hadn’t been by earlier!! What a blogging friend huh?!
    Dude!! Congrats!! Peaks is right, there is nothing like a baby girl!!!

    But, this does give a whole new meaning to the phrase, “sure shot!”

  36. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 15th, 2008 at 9:12 am

    Peak – Thanks, man. Gonna be an adventure!

    Sssteve – I actually take my, um, “sample” to the urologist’s office on Wednesday. Oh, the irony!

  37. leoni2 Says:
    September 18th, 2008 at 4:14 pm

    Congrats on the new kid. A girl, huh? I hope you been taking clases at the Al Bundy school of keeping males away from the princess. :)