By Wyatt Earp | June 8, 2008
Ah, the Olympics. A chance to come together as neighbors of this big blue marble and lie, cheat, and steal your away to some crappy medals. Yawn. The Summer Olympics are especially heinous, because you can count the interesting events on one hand. These three weeks of boredom are my topic for this week’s Family Security Matters article. Here’s a sample:
The International Olympic Committee - you remember them after their brilliant decisions to hold the Olympics in Soviet-era Moscow, Sarajevo, Yugoslavia, and Beijing, China - has decided upon their final four contestants to host the 2016 Summer Games.For some reason, this story has usurped the Brangelina Twins debacle from the headlines, and pushed that idiotic movie starring The Horse-Faced Woman - Sarah Jessica Parker - to the Classifieds section.
No one is exactly sure why being awarded the Olympic Games is such an honor, since it means that a city will have to spend billions of dollars to receive a little publicity, some decent exposure, and more headaches than a blind date with Lindsay Lohan.The list reads like a Who’s Who of terrible choices:
“Chicago was one of four cities selected as bid finalists Thursday, along with Tokyo; Madrid, Spain, and Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. The lineup sets up a high-profile contest featuring major cities from the Americas, Europe and Asia.
Failing to make the International Olympic Committee shortlist were three cities - Doha, Qatar; Prague, Czech Republic, and Baku, Azerbaijan.”
Let’s start with the failed bids.Doha, Qatar? Are you kidding me? “Um, Vanna, I would like to buy a consonant!”Awarding the Games to Doha would be akin to awarding them to the Sun - except the sun is much cooler, with friendlier residents.Temperatures in Doha average well over one hundred degrees in the summer.Unless you want to see Olympic athletes dropping like cookie crumbs out of Michael Moore’s mouth, steer clear of this burgh.
You can read the rest of the comedy goodness HERE.
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