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Things I Hate . . . About Me

By Wyatt Earp | May 27, 2006

Yesterday was so busy that I forgot to post the weekly PIH. So, I will focus this week’s edition on myself. It’s not flattering, but when am I ever flattering? Besides, no one reads blogs on a holiday weekend, anyway. Enjoy!

Food Issues

I have food issues, and before Deathlok or Grimjack say it, these particular issues do not involve the word, “gorging.” Despite my robust figure, I have an aversion to many, many foods. For example, I won’t eat anything with visible fat or gristle on it. Thus, steak, pork chops, and the like will not pass these lips. On the other hand, I love seafood, but my wife hates it. Thus, she pulls her hair out trying to think of dinner choices.

I also cannot have my food touch. My peas cannot touch my mashed potatoes, and neither can touch my meat loaf. Otherwise, the family knows there a freak out is coming. My mother-in-law suggested we buy china with the individual food sections you see on certain picnic plastic plates. That’s a good idea.

Coldness and Cynicism

Being a police officer does horrible things to your sensitivity gene. After eleven years of homicides, rapes, and reports of child abuse, it takes a hell of a lot to make me emotional. I try and stay away from funerals, because while others are weeping and mourning, I appear very cold. My thinking is that people die every day. It’s terrible, but that is how I look at it.

Similarly, I have very little time for other people’s nonsense. When knuckleheads waste everyone’s time with inane commentary here, they are usually cut off. SYLG is not a democracy. It is a dictatorship, and I am the biggest DICtator the blogosphere has ever seen.

Lack of Willpower

For my birthday, my sister bought me a t-shirt that said, “This is not a beer gut, it is a protective covering for my rock hard abs.” Unfortunately, I do not have a beer gut. I have a food gut. As of this posting, I am almost back to my original Fat Stat weight of 232 pounds. My observation of Weight Watchers has hardly been stellar, and I haven’t been exercising. I’m ashamed that I simply don’t have the willpower.

Yesterday, we were cleaning the attic, and I found pictures of me during a cross-country meet. It was depressing. I am seriously thinking about hitting the road again. If I can start running, I know the weight will come off.

Topics: Uncategorized | 12 Comments »

12 Responses to “Things I Hate . . . About Me”

  1. fmragtops Says:
    May 27th, 2006 at 3:35 pm

    Nobody reads blogs on a holiday weekend? What are you saying?

  2. fmragtops Says:
    May 27th, 2006 at 3:37 pm

    Oh and about that coldness and cynacism, why am I the only one who thinks that’s an asset, and not a handicap?

  3. linda Says:
    May 27th, 2006 at 3:50 pm

    You know, I’d read you anytime just for the pearls of wisdom! ;)

  4. linda Says:
    May 27th, 2006 at 3:54 pm

    But those food issues–WOW! Do you have a 3 yr old inside wanting to come out? That’s a pain in the kitchen! Poor L! That would drive me batty! (shut up!)

  5. rt Says:
    May 27th, 2006 at 4:10 pm

    Mmmm…I love mixing my peas and mashed potatoes….then “dipping” the tiny bit of meatloaf into it. UMMMMMMMMMMM!!!! If you weren’t married I’d fix you up with one of my friends…she can’t have food touch, either. She uses the plates with the sections.

    Give yourself a chance with the weightloss, though. I finally found out my problem was gluten. Now I am shrinking. But since you won’t eat anything….:) Good luck all the same. I sometimes seriously consider giving up food altogether.

    I can relate on the cynical attitude. Jaded would be a good term.

    Don’t hate yourself! You gave me something to read on a holiday weekend. :)

  6. Anonymous Says:
    May 27th, 2006 at 9:32 pm

    You really are way too harsh and rough on yourself.

    You’re a good person with a great heart. STOP worrying so much.

    Even if you don’t think so, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. And as cliche` as this sounds, it really is what’s on the inside that counts…

    As my mom always said to me, “Don’t judge a book but its cover — read the whole thing first.”

    Well, Mr. Earp, I have “read” you and know you to be a very wonderful man.

    Now damn it, look in the mirror and smile back at yourself.

  7. Ssssteve Says:
    May 28th, 2006 at 1:04 am

    Blah, blah, blah!! Dude, you gots some issues! J/K HA HA!

    134 pounds! Who you trying to kid? You trying to kid the kidder?! I think it is 234 lbs! Ha! No really I love ya bro!! Have a great Memorial day!!

  8. Deathlok Says:
    May 28th, 2006 at 12:22 pm

    “Don’t judge a book but its cover — read the whole thing first.”?????

    Have you seen him? It’s the equivalent to reading a Stephen King novel. . .Much too thick and scary in parts.

  9. Little Miss Chatterbox Says:
    May 28th, 2006 at 7:14 pm

    I’m the same way w/food not being allowed to touch. I got irritated at Fazoli’s today because the breadstick guy put my breadstick on top of my spaghetti thus getting spaghetti sauce on it :-) .

  10. The Anti-Hippie Says:
    May 29th, 2006 at 2:08 am

    Quiet, skinny-arse. I still outweigh you by 40 pounds. And the cold cynicism? Yep, got that too. Unfortunately, I can and do eat anything (within reason) placed in front of me.

  11. rightwingprof Says:
    May 29th, 2006 at 5:54 pm

    Mmmmmm … steak … mmmmmmm … pork chops …

  12. grimjack Says:
    May 30th, 2006 at 12:00 pm

    Dude- I think 132 may be an unrealistic goal for you.

    And you know, being much heavier then you, I would never pick on you for the weight. Well, maybe a little. But I couldn’t handle the Weight Watcher thing. Too many frickin hens at the meetings clucking about some new salad dressing. I went to one with my wife where the leader kept showing off pictures of her former self in a bathing suit. Being the only guy, she would then look to me for affermation that no guy would want to see that. After the 6th time, I felt like screaming “I get it: You were real fuckin fat. Stop showing me the picture, or I’ll show you one of me naked.”.

    My new weight loss goal- to lose enough weight to comfortably do the July 12 page from the Position of the Day book.