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My New Philosophy

By Wyatt Earp | March 31, 2006

After being bombarded with the national news this week, I have come to a decision. From this day forth, I will be undertaking a great and noble quest: I plan to rape every attractive woman I come across. There will be no greeting, no small talk; if I want to have sex with a certain female I am going to do so – whether they like it or not. It is that simple.

I have even garnered support for my new position from many in the prison population. My brothers in arms have vowed to take to the streets for my cause, and are flying banners praising my new philosophy. There have even been reports of a Texas school flying a Wyatt Earp flag. It does the heart good to see so many allies in my corner.

Some have said, “Wyatt, what you are doing is illegal. Why don’t you go about this the right way? Why don’t you just begin a loving relationship with another woman and let nature take its course? It is what your ancestors have done for generations.” Sorry, but I want instant gratification. I refuse to search for sex in a proper manner. Damn the law!

Ladies, you’d better run for the border!!

Topics: Uncategorized | 13 Comments »

13 Responses to “My New Philosophy”

  1. The Man Says:
    March 31st, 2006 at 11:11 am

    I think Wilt Chamberlain had the same frame of mind.

  2. GOP & College Says:
    March 31st, 2006 at 11:13 am

    And just think, if you get the right judge, you won’t even have to visit your palls in prison!

  3. linda Says:
    March 31st, 2006 at 11:21 am

    Do you have a stun gun?

  4. rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 Says:
    March 31st, 2006 at 11:40 am

    er..tad extreme but good point.

  5. Peakah Says:
    March 31st, 2006 at 12:04 pm


  6. Dr. Phat Tony Says:
    March 31st, 2006 at 1:35 pm

    Be careful of the ladies with the adam’s apple.

  7. Wyatt Earp Says:
    March 31st, 2006 at 1:59 pm

    Rev – Thanks. At least you got where I was going with this.

  8. linda Says:
    March 31st, 2006 at 4:20 pm

    I got that you were being dramatically sarcastic and comparing what the illegals are doing to what you might do….or telling us that you’re seriously disturbed! I was just askin’ if you had a stun gun!

    BTW, how did you decide on being a rapist?

  9. Ssssteve Says:
    March 31st, 2006 at 8:27 pm

    Doc, made me spit coffee out!!

    Wyatt, Great Point!!!!

  10. Wyatt Earp Says:
    April 1st, 2006 at 3:15 am

    Lin – Correct, and no, I do not have a stun gun. Are you into that sort of thing, cause I can score one if you are.

    Sssteve – Thanks, chief.

  11. Crazy Politico Says:
    April 1st, 2006 at 8:03 am

    Hey, don’t forget to rob a bank for a better life, too.

  12. linda Says:
    April 1st, 2006 at 11:25 am

    No, just curious as to how “armed” the rest of us should be! ha (in case you do flip your lid!) Never mind!

  13. Anonymous Says:
    April 8th, 2006 at 12:28 pm

    Fortunately most women can easily outrun you. For those few that can’t, at least it would only last seconds.