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People I Hate

By Wyatt Earp | July 17, 2005

In my former blog, Friday was “People I Hate” day. Every week, I pointed out a few individuals that drew my ire. The posts were very cathartic, and thus, beneficial to my (fragile) mental state. I’m about due for a soul cleansing, so here goes . . .

Hollywood military/police consultants

These folks really piss me off. I was watching Donnie Brasco last night and there’s a scene where Johnny Depp is at the pistol range. Depp’s character is a true marksman, hitting the 5X ring with every round. Here’s my problem: when the camera shows Depp’s face, he is aiming WITH BOTH EYES OPEN!!! The same thing happens in Independence Day (a lousy film, by the way) when Adam Baldwin, who plays an Air Force officer, shots a soda can off a spaceship. He aims WITH BOTH EYES OPEN!!! Who the hell is overseeing this nonsense? I’m sure my military gurus will back me up when I say that if someone is getting perfect scores while aiming in this manner, it’s purely dumb luck. Damnit, people, let’s get it right from now on! Cripes!!!

Pauly Shore

I know, there is no explanation needed. Most people wish Pauly dead just on general principle. Like most of America, I thought Pauly was dead, but it seems that was just his career. Thankfully, the brain surgeons at TBS hired “The Weasel” for a new reality show, where we get to see what goes on in Pauly’s everyday life. Swell. Looks like another triumph from the network that brought us “The Real Gilligan’s Island.”

Name Withheld

I can’t publish the name of this guy – because he’s just a regular schmo – but I hate his guts anyway. About a week ago, my partner Doris was racing to a priority backup call. Her lights and sirens were activated as she went through an underpass . . . then BAM! This unnamed scumbag ran a red light and plowed into her. The front end was destroyed, and my partner is now out of work, in excruciating pain, and walking with a severe limp.

Wait, it gets better.

After the accident, Doris literally crawled out of her car, and drug herself over to this scumbag’s vehicle. Although injured, she wanted to see if the scumbag was okay. The scumbag was pissed off at her, and refused to answer any of her questions! Typical dirt bag: breaks the law, wrecks a police car, and he thinks he’s the victim! Guess what, ass-hat, you can whine all you want, but you’re not getting paid!

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