Tag Archives: Sex

New Jersey Beach Revelers Spot A Sperm Whale

Sex On Sea Isle BeachA young couple from Philadelphia – naturally – were caught having sex in the ocean last weekend, releasing several new aquatic life forms into the wild.

The couple were cited for lewdness and for being too ugly to have sex in public. Check out the pic at the link.

Witnesses said the pair waded out into the water until it was about thigh height before engaging in the act in full view of the beach. The couple – a 27-year-old male and a 23-year-old female, both from Philadelphia – were charged with lewdness.

The incident, which took place in front of families with children, reportedly happened at about 4pm on Sunday on a beach in Sea Isle City, New Jersey.

Police were called to the scene and attempted to wave the couple in from the water. It apparently took the woman a long time to exit the water because she had difficulty tying up her bikini bottom.

The worst part about this story is the location. Sea Isle City is the beach of choice for the Earp Clan, and while we’re usually far north of the white trashy 43rd Street section, that guy’s swimmers may still be floating atop the surf when we get there.

The Opposite Of Sex

HeadacheI’m starting to think my female commenters are full of it. Sure, they talk a good game, and after reading their comments, you would think they were unrepentant nymphomaniacs. Now a French study claims 74 percent of women would rather do anything other than have sex!

Most recently a French study revealed what 74 percent of women would rather be doing than getting it on. What other things are triggering “not tonight, honey” excuses from both men and women?

2. Eat Bacon, Specifically – What’s the food men and women can both agree is better than sex? Whether in a Bloody Mary, inside a chocolate bar or right next to your scrambled eggs, bacon takes the cake (which is probably also filled with bacon) on the pleasure scale, according to a survey conducted by Maple Leaf Foods Inc. When given the choice between bacon and sex, 43 percent of Canadians went with the crispy meat.

9. Reading A Book – Maybe they were in the middle of an erotic novel when they took the survey, but women from the NOW TV study ranked reading a book over having sex.

Okay, I get the bacon excuse. Bacon is better than sex in almost every instance which doesn’t involve Zooey Deschanel. As for reading a book, are you out of your damned mind? Hell, I co-wrote a book and even I don’t think it’s better than sex!

The Most Obvious Study Of All Time

Rottenecards_39655820_y8ns5t5rqsA group of Canadian rocket surgeons wasted a lot of time – and even more money – telling guys what we already knew. Specifically, a man could have just lost an arm and still be ready to “put the tool in the shed.”

A study found that even when they are in excruciating pain, males are interested in sex. Females, however, prefer to take to their sickbed.

In one of the first studies of its kind, the Canadian researchers looked at how pain affected mice’s desire for sex. They first checked which males and females were interested in each other and then put them on opposite sides of a partitioned cage.

The dividing wall contained holes too small for the males to squeeze through but just big enough for the females to make their way to the male area – and escape back to their own lair when necessary. The results were ‘very striking’, with the females spending less time on the male side when in pain.

When I was in high school, I broke my wrist playing roller hockey. The day I had the cast set, I was making out with my girlfriend, my arm around her. It felt like a sledgehammer hit me every time she moved. I. Did. Not. Care. Neither would any other guy.

But by all means, let’s spend millions of loonies testing that hypothesis with mice instead of, oh, I don’t know, asking any random guy!

The Greatest Headline Of The Week

Andrew Vukovich and Stefanie HerringerCops: Couple Tried To Stiff Taxi Driver After Sex Session In Rear Of Illinois Cab.

Yeah, that title would be hard to beat.

An Illinois cab driver recently called police to complain that a couple who had just finished having sex in the rear of his cab were refusing to pay the $83 fare. Hack Faisal Kokazeh, 28, told Orland Park Police Department officers that passengers Andrew Vukovich and Stefanie Herringer claimed they were unable to pay him at the conclusion of a recent 3:30 AM ride.

Kokazeh noted that he “witnessed both Andrew and Stefanie perform intercourse in the back of the van,” and “simply wanted both of them out of the taxi, and the fare paid.”

Vukovich and Herringer, an officer reported, smelled of booze and “were producing incoherent sentences, attempting to gather clothing that was strewn throughout the taxi.” And neither of them “had a purse or wallet on their person.”

Well, if they were naked, where would they put it? I wonder if the trip cost $83, or if Kokazeh threw in an extra fee for the post-coitus steam cleaning?

Girl U Want

Christina Hendricks SultryThe UK Daily Mail (of course) printed a story entitled, “The Six Things He’s Hoping You’ll Do The First Time You Have Sex.” How could I not snark about this?

For those who are embarking on a sexy, new relationship and eager to make a good first impression, here’s what men tell me your new lover’s hoping for. He wants you to…

• Give great oral sex: it’s not only one of his favorite things, it shows you’re as interested in giving as you are receiving pleasure.

• Be active: I’m not suggesting you bounce around the bed like a four-year-old who’s just consumed their body weight in sweets, but please don’t leave it up to him to make all the moves…

The guys surveyed are way too picky. I have only one thing I hope the woman does: show up.

Take Two Romps And Call Me In The Morning

Not Tonight I Have A Headache

Gird your loins, guys, because women can no longer use the “I have a headache” excuse.

A team of neurologists found that sexual activity can lead to “partial or complete relief” of head pain in some migraines.

The study, from the University of Munster, Germany, suggests that instead of using a sore head as an excuse to refuse sex, making love can be more effective than taking painkillers.

One in five patients left without any pain at all, while others, in particular male sufferers “even used sexual activity as a therapeutic tool”, they added.

Well, if there’s anything we guys know how to use, it’s our “tool.”

The Big Bang Theory

Niki Ghazian

Meet model Niki Ghazian. She has the right attitude when dealing with the apocalypse.

Models, celebrities and people around the country have revealed that, if the world is going to end on Friday at 11.11am as the ancient Mayan calender predicts, they want to go out with a bang. They are now on a frenzied hunt for “end of the world sex” – with some planning to scour doomsday-themed parties, while others are using Craigslist or dating sites to find their final hook up.

“If I die, I don’t want to die on a dry spell!” model Niki Ghazian told the New York Post. “Everybody should go out feeling satisfied. If the world’s gonna end, why hold back?”

That’s a fine idea. Of course, since God hates me, I’ll be stuck in court today surrounded by cops and criminals.

And there won’t be a person worth banging in the bunch.