Tag Archives: Mayan Apocalypse

The Big Bang Theory

Niki Ghazian

Meet model Niki Ghazian. She has the right attitude when dealing with the apocalypse.

Models, celebrities and people around the country have revealed that, if the world is going to end on Friday at 11.11am as the ancient Mayan calender predicts, they want to go out with a bang. They are now on a frenzied hunt for “end of the world sex” – with some planning to scour doomsday-themed parties, while others are using Craigslist or dating sites to find their final hook up.

“If I die, I don’t want to die on a dry spell!” model Niki Ghazian told the New York Post. “Everybody should go out feeling satisfied. If the world’s gonna end, why hold back?”

That’s a fine idea. Of course, since God hates me, I’ll be stuck in court today surrounded by cops and criminals.

And there won’t be a person worth banging in the bunch.

Yavin Second Thoughts, Mayans?

Yavin IV

On Friday, the Mayan temples in Guatemala may be facing something more destructive than the Death Star. The apocalypse is nigh.

At the center of the rebel base where Luke Skywalker took off to destroy the Death Star and save his people from the clutches of Darth Vader, Guatemala is preparing for another momentous event: the end of an age for the Maya.

Deep inside the Guatemalan rainforest stand the ruins of the Maya temples that George Lucas used to film the planet Yavin 4 in the movie “Star Wars,” from where Skywalker and his sidekick Han Solo launched their attack on the Galactic Empire’s giant space station…

Okay, I’m gonna stop the article right there. What kind of mental defective, mouth-breathing douche canoe would describe Han Solo – easily tied with Boba Fett as the best character in the Star Wars universe – as Luke Skywalker’s “sidekick?” That would be akin to describing Michael Corleone as Fredo’s younger brother.

Cripes, Reuters, if you’re going to write an article with Star Wars references, find someone who knows the difference between a badass smuggler/pirate and a whiny little bitch.