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News Translator

The SYLG News Translator: Obama Edition

Monday, June 28th, 2010

The SYLG News Translator has been on the shelf for a while, but I think it’s necessary here. The Translator takes a news story (in block-quotes) and translates it into a no b.s. assessment by yours truly (in bold). This week’s topic is President Obama’s comments at the end of the G20 talks: US President [...]

The SYLG News Translator

Tuesday, December 29th, 2009

It’s time for another edition of the SYLG News Translator. The news story is in italics, and my spot-on translation is in bold. Enjoy! BEIJING – A shopping centre in China has opened a car park that offers women drivers bigger-than-normal parking spaces to accommodate what it sees as their special needs. A Chinese shopping [...]

Philadelphia Police Shoot, Kill Suspect

Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009

Good Guys – 1, Bad Guy – 0. Now before all of the trolls come out from under their bridge, let’s make note of the most important part of this story: The offender broke one officer’s wrist after wrestling his asp from him, and grabbed the gun from the other officer during the confrontation. He [...]

The French Are At It Again

Thursday, April 9th, 2009

Another day, another allegation by the frogs that Lance Armstrong is doping. Yawn. Time to break out the SYLG News Translator: Seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong may have violated drug-testing rules and could face a sanction, according to France’s anti-doping agency. Translation: We’re scared to death that Lance came out of retirement, and [...]

Brett Favre Traded To The New York Jets

Thursday, August 7th, 2008

Somewhere, The Man is doing the happy dance. For a story this big, I think it is time to break out the handy-dandy SYLG News Translator. The news story is in the block quotes, and my spot-on translation is highlighted in bold. The Brett Favre era in Green Bay is now officially over. But Favre’s [...]

Clay Aiken Is Going To Be A Father

Friday, May 30th, 2008

Come on, an I the only one who is going to ask the question? Okay . . . I wonder who did the deed for him? Looks like it’s time to break out the trusty SYLG News Translator: Clay Aiken is expanding the ranks of the Claynation by one, expecting a child with music producer [...]

Venezuela Resetting Diplomatic Ties With Colombia

Sunday, March 9th, 2008

Gee, I never saw this coming. This story calls for the patented SYLG News Translator. The news story is highlighted in blue italics, and my spot-on translation is highlighted in bold. (CNN) — The Venezuelan government on Sunday announced it is re-establishing normal diplomatic ties with Colombia after the two South American countries resolved their [...]