Category Archives: Hate Mail

Hate Mail O’ The Week

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hate-mail6This week’s hate mail comes from Selena Bennett, the mother of Khalil Burton… Wait, that can’t be right; they don’t share the same last name. Oh, I forgot. Nowadays, people don’t have parents; they have “baby daddies.”

Any hoo, Selena is angry about this post – written two years ago – about her son, who fled from police because he had a pistol in his waistband. When police tackled him, Burton’s gun went off, and a round struck him in the groin, killing him.

Apparently, that’s my fault. Or something.

Here is Selena’s literary masterpiece, unedited for your reading pleasure:

“U know what I just read all the Fucking comments about my son Khalil Burton who died almost 2yrs ago. All I have to say is I pray u never have to be a parent who child dies from choices they made. I pray u all r perfect n I pray that u never make wrong choices bc when n if u do somebody will judge n say fucked up shit about u that may hurt ur parents heart! They may even say something about ur perfect children to GOD forbid! Look up my record n I beat u can’t talk that shit about me. Punk asses hiding behind emails n blog’s talking SHIT!!!”

Actually Selena, we just “talked shit” for about a day or so, then moved on to important matters. I realize you want to blame someone for his untimely demise, but your son was a drug dealer who had an arrest record in two counties by the age of 18. After his arrest in MontCo, he continued to sell drugs. On top of that, he was carrying a gun on the streets of Philadelphia and decided to run when the po-po showed up. If he listened to their commands, he would still be alive today.

Here endeth the lesson.

Hate Mail O’ The Week

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This week’s hate mail is from a local woman named Mahoghany, who was butthurt about this post, where a Philadelphia man shot and killed a home invader. A man who, spade in hand, forced his way into the gun owner’s home, and climbed to stairs, approaching the resident.

Her Shakespearean diatribe is below, unedited for your reading pleasure.

that intruder had a family as well and to shoot 3 times in the chest seems a bit aggressive, he could have easily shot him in the leg and called the cops, how dare you all give praise to someone being killed no matter the reason, a persons life is more valuable than any of the material things that may have been in the house!!!!!!!!!

Bless her heart. Weapons-grade stupid like this deserves a retort. It’s below the fold.

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Hate Mail O’ The Week

This week’s mental defective is Josh from Parts Unknown… or somewhere near Aston, PA. Josh is a big Amanda Bynes fan, and he took umbrage with this post, where she asked President Obama to fire the police officer who arrested her for DUI…

The DUI where she sideswiped a police car, and refused to take a breathalyzer or a blood test. But, you know, Josh thinks she’s like, innocent and stuff.

Josh’s comment is posted below, unedited, for your viewing pleasure:

Well,maybe she wasnt drunk.As you know the cops in philly are so dumb they cant perform fst’s that they have to lock an innocent person up on suspicion.Well,isnt that a fuckin dick move.Your eyes are pinned,couldnt be cause its sunny as fuck out could it ?? Well,lets arrest him on fucking suspicion !!

Let’s break this comment down, “shotgun style,” below the fold.

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The Comment Of The Month

I swear, this blog must be a psycho magnet. This comment comes from “Wayne,” an English chap whose e-mail is listed as Tom something-or-other. Wayne-Tom wanted to make his SYLG debut memorable, and his comment – from an unusually timely post I did about Nikki Howarth – did not disappoint.

What u lot chatting about she’s hot!she was on channel 4 the other day and seems really nice girl.why u judging her before u know her!

Note to Wayne-Tom: Punctuation is your friend, big guy.

(Not) Hate Mail O’ The Week

Regular readers of SYLG know that I get a lot of hate mail. Since that hate mail is almost always a hilarious grammatical abortion, I post it for everyone to see. I try to perform a public service.

Anyhoo, I figured since I post all of the hate mail, I should also publish the compliments. Yeah, this is probably the first. Oh sure, commenters occasionally tell me that I’m doing a good job here, but this e-mail was completely out of the blue – from the Great White North. Enjoy!

Mr Earp,

I’ve just read your blog for the first time, I stayed for about 2 hours. You’re a very funny man, thanks so much for the laughs. I think you cured my slight (and completely undeserved) hang-over!

Thanks again!

I didn’t want to post the lovely woman’s name without her permission, but trust me, she is a real person. And she made my week.

Hate Mail O’ The Week

This week’s comment comes from “Jack Russel.” Jack is from the Netherlands . . . or Holland . . . Whatever, the douche is Dutch. He also apparently spent his youth with his finger in a dike, because his schooling leaves a lot to be desired. Jack is angry with me because of this post; but I don’t know why. I’ve read his comment three times, and I still have no idea what he’s saying. Maybe you’ll have better luck.

Here is his idiotic, hash-fueled comment, unedited for your pleasure:

Funny How you american “gunfighters” have your beautifull daughters ravaged by jewish meth from producers like the Rubashkin. And all i see you doing in the above comments is shoot down your daughters.

Here i was thinking muslims were acting weird when their daughters get raped they will also kill their daughters because she disgraced the family by being raped.

American gunfighters .. your aim is off

So let’s see: Illiterate? Check. Incoherent? Check. Anti-Semitic? Big Check. Congratulations Jack, you hit the Jerkass Trifecta! Your check is in the mail. Try not to spend it all on hookers and Amstel Light.

Hate Mail O’ The Week

It’s been four weeks since I received a nice piece of hate mail. Either the haters are slipping, or I’m not nearly as offensive as I think I am.

This succinct piece of literary brilliance comes to us from Buda, who resides in Britain. Judging by his name and his e-mail address, I would surmise he is a member of the recent Islamic invasion migration there. He sent this comment in reply to this post, that explained the virus that struck the blog. After reading the comment, I don’t see a correlation, but rationality has never been a feature of trolls. Here is the comment, unedited for your pleasure:

i hate weapons

i hate war

i hate money

i hate USA

i hate lifes for oil

Wow. Like most of my hate mail, this is a grammatical abortion, perfect for the anniversary of Roe v. Wade. Buda starts out well, claiming he hates war (who doesn’t?), but immediately goes into Pants On Fire Mode. If Buda really hated money, he wouldn’t have a computer – and I wouldn’t have to read his verbal diarrhea. Of course, like a lot of trolls, Buda “hate USA.” Yeah dude, get in line; I think it starts in Saudi Arabia.

Buda then finishes with a flourish: “i hate lifes for oil.” At least he follows the DNC playbook to the letter. For the last time, none of the coalition countries went to war for oil. If we did, we’d be paying $2.00 a gallon for gas now, you jackass!

Although, in fairness, I wouldn’t mind if we sacrificed Buda’s life for oil. He’s certainly not doing anything productive with it.

Hate Mail O’ The Week

It really disappoints me to admit that it has been a very long time since I received any decent hate mail. Thankfully, “”Bubba” rectified that problem with a comment that was the perfect mix of terrible grammar, liberal hypocrisy, and galactic stupidity.

If Bubba has any redeeming value it’s that unlike most of my hate-filled lunatics, this guy had the courtesy to address a post that was a mere 22 days old – the arrest of Chris Matthews’ brother.

With that, here is Bubba’s unedited comment. You may want to get the duct tape.

how’s your life hating people for having different views than yours? Happy? Healthy? Wealthy? My guess is no because with so much hatred you get nothing but cancer, heart disease, stroke, hypertension, thrombosis etc, while the people you hate are living it up. And don’t forget, all of you will have to end up in the nursing home some day if you’re lucky enough to get that old. Will you go there with your guns? ’cause guess who will be making you eat your shit? that’s right…every dog has his day. Happy new year y’all

Wow, that’s a lot of stupid. I’ll address it all below the fold.

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Hate Mail O’ The Week

This brilliant piece of literature comes to us from “timisarocker.” You can see his awesome website, the pride of Tumblr, here.

Anyway, Timmy took umbrage with my post about Adele; the chubby ginger who poses as a singer in Great Britain. She made a comment stating she would never date a fellow ginger, but would be magnanimous enough to make an exception for Prince Harry. As if Harry suddenly developed a fat fetish.

As with most hate mail, this was sent me two months after the post appeared here. Way to stay current, Timbo! Here is his comments, completely unedited for your viewing and reading pleasure:

HOW DARE U SAY SUCK AWFUL THINGS BOUT ADELE!!! 1st of all she is not a hypocrite!! jus bcuz some1 makes a joke sayin she would d8 a red headed guy even tho she already said she wouldn doesn make her a hypocrite!! get ur head out ur asses & learn some fuckin manners!! adele is an amazin singer so instead of makin articles bashin her we should b praisin her 4 her talent!! dis article is rude af & whoever made it needs 2 get a fuckin life!!

Wow. Just wow. A mind truly is a terrible thing to waste.

Hate Mail O’ The Week

I must be slipping, because this is the first decent piece of hate mail I’ve received in ten months.

This punctuational abortion comes to us from “anvil hands,” the e.e. cummings of the internet. Anvil took issue with this post, which noted the bad batch of heroin currently flowing through Camden, New Jersey. As you can see, he is sympathetic to the plight of the innocent heroin users who were forced to inject the drug at the barrel of a gun.

His (or her) comments appear below, unedited for your viewing pleasure:

Not everyone who does heroine are dirt bags all you people saying they should mix it with rat poison are some real assholes I know junkies with better class than that. Fucking pussies

And “DocRambo” is a 14 year old kid still waiting for one of his balls to drop. Tough handle though dude….

Wow, this is such a treasure trove of hilarity that I don’t even know where to begin. I guess the English minor in me will come out first, since – to me – the grammar is more offensive than the vulgarity. Anvil. Dude. There’s a new thing out called a period. It is a punctuation mark that is used at the end of a sentence. They are easily identified because they look like a dot. In your case, you would use one after “dirt bags,” “assholes,” and “pussies.”

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