Category Archives: Duct Tape Advisory

Girl, Interrupted

dta11If you think the p.c police are bad here, wait til you get a load of what they’re doing across the pond. The Brits have kicked their cray-cray up a notch. BAM!

[T]he BBC is once again under fire. Only this time, the dispute involves a rather less offensive term … girl. The corporation was accused of censorship after cutting the ‘G-word’ from a documentary on the Commonwealth Games.

During the programme, presenter Mark Beaumont, 31, was flung to the ground by a young judo champion, and joked: “I am not sure I can live that down – being beaten by a 19-year-old-girl.”

His remarks were aired in full when the documentary, called The Queen’s Baton Relay, was first broadcast on the BBC News Channel in April. But fearing viewers might take offence, the corporation decided to edit out the word ‘girl’ when it was repeated last week.

Before I even begin, I would like to make an announcement. If any female readers are offended by the word “girl,” pack up your belongings and get off my blog. That is not a joke. You are obviously crazier than I am… which means you need to seek professional help.

As for the subject at hand, how should we refer to a 19-year old female? She is not exactly a woman yet, and a little old to be called a teenager. So you’re looking at two choices: “female” or “girl.” Female is cold and impersonal – just the thing for our progressive womyn activists.

Girl is more personal, and to me, endearing. If I call you a girl – or more specifically, “My girl” – it is a term of endearment. My daughter, Princess P, is my girl, and I remind her all the time. The day she tells me “girl” is offensive will be the saddest day of my life.

If You Ain’t First…

North Hill Field DayA Michigan school has redefined its field day parameters by discouraging competition and demonizing a child’s “urge to win.”

Parents of students at North Hill Elementary in Rochester Hills, Michigan, have reportedly been informed that all students are “winners,” therefore the “competitive ‘urge to win’ will be kept to a minimum” at the school’s annual field day.

The flyer reads in part: The purpose of the day is for our school to get together for an enjoyable two hours of activities and provide an opportunity for students, teachers and parents to interact cooperatively. Since we believe that all of our children are winners, the need for athletic ability and the competitive “urge to win” will be kept to a minimum. The real reward will be the enjoyment and good feelings of participation.

If you want to see the results of the “Everyone Gets A Trophy” mentality, take a look at your average Millennial. They’re spoiled, uninspired, slackers with an entitlement attitude. My oldest, for his part, despises this crap. His soccer team made the title game two seasons in a row and lost both times. The team was invited to the banquet and was awarded trophies for second place. Kyle’s reaction? “Why are we getting trophies for losing?” Exactly!

With all due respect to Mollie and the thousands of other good teachers out there, the American public school system is totally and completely frakked up.

Lazy Like A Fox

Fox News Idiocy

I hate to start your morning off with teh stoopid, but Robert B. sent me something I needed to post. The article, surprisingly from Fox News, was discussing the geological red flags sprouting up in Oklahoma of late. The story is idiotic on its face, but what grabbed my attention was the headline – most likely written by an infant.

Record number of Oklahoma tremors raises earthquake threat, officials say

Whoa, whoa, whoa… so they’re saying tremors raise earthquake threats? Wow. I am over-f**kin-whelmed. The next thing you know, the media will be telling us torrential rains raise flood threats, or sleeping with prostitutes raises herpes threats.

Thank you, media, for hitting us with some knowledge.

Break Out The Duct Tape

You Don't Say CampaignDuke University has embraced the “You Don’t Say” campaign, which is bases its existence upon “word-discouragement.”

I really didn’t want to snark about this because this post screams for Dr. Evil, but I wanted to give him the day off.

A new word-discouragement campaign at Duke University has labeled phrases such as “Man Up,” “That’s So Gay,” and “Don’t Be a Pussy” offensive language that “delegitimizes” homosexuality and oppresses and insults people.

So these pussies think language oppresses people? That’s so gay!

But as the campaign has gained national popularity, its detractors have bristled at the effort, calling it a politically correct war on words that will stifle free speech and suggesting its true aim is to redefine terms to control public opinion and – ultimately – public policy.

In fact, the “You Don’t Say” campaign creators have admitted as much.

You know, only a bitch would admit they are against free speech. People need to man up and prove they’re no homo by standing with the Constitution.

The Worst Story You Will Ever Read

British NHSI have really been trying to stay away from controversial stories, mostly because I’m supposed to keep my stress under control. That said, I had to comment on this story. I apologize in advance.

The bodies of thousands of aborted and miscarried babies were incinerated as clinical waste, with some even used to heat hospitals, an investigation has found.

Ten NHS trusts have admitted burning foetal remains alongside other rubbish while two others used the bodies in “waste-to-energy” plants which generate power for heat.

Last night the Department of Health issued an instant ban on the practice which health minister Dr Dan Poulter branded “totally unacceptable.” At least 15,500 foetal remains were incinerated by 27 NHS trusts over the last two years alone.

I just… I’ve got nothin’. There is true evil in this world, and it is the guiding force behind decisions like these.

A New Hamburglar Rises

Lionel Hutz Law OfficeA California man is suing McDonald’s for $1.5 million. Ironically his case is based on a Whopper of a story.

A McDonald’s customer is suing the fast food restaurant for $1.5 million because he was given only one napkin with his meal.

Webster Lucas claims he is now unable to work because of the “undue mental anguish” and “emotional distress” caused by the incident.

Mr Lucas, who is African-American, says the he was racially abused by the manager when he went back to the counter to ask for more. The employee, who is named only as “Angel” and is said to be of Mexican-American appearance, is alleged to have mumbled something that sounded like “you people,” Mr Lucas claims.

Okay, I am already calling b.s. McDonald’s has no shortage of napkins inside their restaurants. If Lucas received one napkin, he could have easily stood up, walked three feet, and grabbed another one. But no, instead, he stood up, walked ten feet, and asked the low-information voter behind the counter for one.

Then… amidst all the noise and confusion common inside your average McDonald’s, Lucas heard a barely audible “You people” from a man with a Spanish accent. Uh-huh.

Then… Lucas was SO OFFENDED by this murmured remark and the lone napkin that he decided to sue McDonald’s for $1.5 MILLION DOLLARS???

How about this. McDonald’s gives you a satisfying settlement of $0 million dollars, a lifetime ban from eating inside its restaurants and viewing their commercials, and three napkins for the low,low price of on the house.

Now go get your f**king shinebox.

Behold, The Decline Of America

Facebook Dislike

Facebook will now offer 56 options for a user’s gender. Fifty-six.

Facebook will now allow users to identify not only as male or female, but as androgynous, bi-gender, intersex or any other identity they choose — a move that’s being celebrated by the LGBTQ community.

The change, which Facebook announced on its Diversity page Thursday afternoon, will initially apply only to the company’s 159 million users in the U.S. But the company says that, at some point, it hopes to roll out the third, “customizable” gender option to international users, as well. At least 56 preset options are available in that field.

This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I am so sick and tired of the “LGBTQ community” and their continuous victim status. They perceive hatred and bigotry everywhere, even in something as innocuous as a gender drop down box.

Here’s a serious question: What is so offensive about “Male, Female, or Other?” Are those options hateful? Are they oppressive? If you believe the answer to those questions is yes, then you need to get a f**king life.

And if my opinion on this matter makes me a “hater,” then so be it.

New Hotness: Mentioning A Suspect’s Race Is Racist

Goldy The GopherA handful of racist organizations at the University of Minnesota are demanding the UMPD remove the race of suspects in wanted posters. As everyone knows, it is much easier to capture a suspect without descriptors.

School officials at the University of Minnesota are working with black student and facility organizations after they wrote a letter to the school’s president about the racial descriptions given in crime alerts.

The letter, sent on Dec. 6, 2013, was issued by members of the African American and African Studies, Black Faculty and Staff Association, Black Graduate and Professional Student Association, Black Men’s Forum, Black Student Union and Huntley House for African American Males.

If these morons were really so self-righteous, they would drop the “Black” and “African” from their organizations’ names.

On Tuesday, school officials reported there have been 25 robberies in and around the University, an increase of 27 percent over the last few years.

At Wednesday’s forum, Ian Taylor Jr., president of the Black Men’s Forum, said members of his organization feel threatened when the use of a racial description is given in the crime alerts.

Mothers and fathers, this is the kind of indoctrination your children will be getting when they enter the American university system. Think about that for a moment. As for Mr. Taylor’s discomfort, if his organization would address the multitude of problems facing fatherless black utes, maybe they wouldn’t be on so many wanted posters.

Deaf At A Funeral

Obamas Selfie At A FuneralThis story is a day or so old, but I felt it needed to be addressed here. Barack Obama attended the Mandela memorial service on Tuesday, and thought it appropriate to take a “selfie” with Danish PM Helle Thorning-Schmidt.

Stay classy, Obama!

They’ll look back on this selfie, years from now, and think “what on earth were we doing? We’re world leaders, not a bunch of giggling teenagers. We’re attending the memorial service of Nelson Mandela. Couldn’t we have waited a bit before goofing around?”

The only person to come out of this with dignity in tact is Michelle Obama, who looks frosty to say the least.

Some commentators on Twitter have pointed out that the angle of selfie-fication looks directed primarily towards Denmark’s Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt and Barack Obama, with David Cameron having to quite a bit of squeezing to get into frame.

The “president” spent more time flirting and giggling it up with Thorning-Schmidt until Moochelle put a stop to the shenanigans.

Actually, Zero Is The Loneliest Number

Goldfinger Bomb TimerThis is the timer on the nuclear device seen in Goldfinger – arguably the greatest Bond film of all time. While stopping a timer on 007 is a campy way to end a scene, these digits would not be a terrific lock combination, unless you want an infant to steal your personal items.

Sadly, 007 is the Fort Knox of combinations compared the one which secured our nuclear launch codes.

From 1962, when John F Kennedy instituted PAL encoding on nuclear weapons, until 1977, the combination to fire the devastating missiles at the height of the Cold War was just 00000000. This was chosen by Strategic Air Command in an effort to make the weapons as quick and as easy to launch as possible, as reported by Today I Found Out.

[N]uclear experts claim the military was worried about the possibility of command centers or communication lines being destroyed in real nuclear war, stopping soldiers getting the codes or authorization to launch missiles when they were actually needed. So they simply left the security code for the weapons as eight zeros, getting around the security safeguards.

Remember, only the best and brightest are trusted with our nation’s security. Or something.