What Is Your Name? What Is Your Quest?

Maureen Kelly Washington StateSearch crews are scouring a Washington national park for this woman, Maureen Kelly of Vancouver. Kelly told friends she was going on a “spiritual quest” . . . in the woods . . . completely naked.

Maureen Kelly, 19, went missing early Sunday night from the Canyon Creek Campground in the Gifford Pinchot National Forest in southwest Washington.

A friend told the Skamania County Sheriff’s office that Kelly left the campsite to go on a naked “spiritual quest” with nothing but a fanny pack, but she never returned.

Search crews are baffled at the naked hiker’s movements through the forest, located some 60 miles northeast of Portland. The area of the forest where she was last seen, Canyon Creek, is steep and mountainous with heavy timber and brush.

I hate to be so blunt, but in my opinion, Kelly is already dead. These stories never, ever end well, and considering her circumstances, she was probably dead within hours.

11 thoughts on “What Is Your Name? What Is Your Quest?

  1. Dr. Evil

    a nude 19 year old is lost in the woods, I’d normally offer my help. But it is quite clear that sasquatches got her.

    1. starlet

      You can probably be more considerate with your words. She’s my cousin and we deeply care about her despite of her actions. We know the reality of the situation but geez.

      1. Rufus

        The family has my deepest sympathy. We are limited in our ability to control a 19-year-old person who is old enough to do as she pleases but not always wise enough to make good decisions. I hope she is found safe.

  2. realwest

    Howdy Wyatt – this entire story is nonsensical . Not that some 19 year old might not think it “romantic” to go wandering through nature’s woods nude, but this part:

    “‘Where she entered the creek is amazingly steep. It’s called Canyon Creek Campground for a reason,’ Sharon Ward of Pacific Crest Search Dogs told KPTV. ‘It’s very, very steep. So how she got down there barefoot is a wonder. And how she came up out of the bottom is a wonder.’

    After the paved road, the Kelly’s tracks stopped. On Monday the search team attempted to find where Kelly left the path and entered the woods.”

    Which would lead ME to believe she never left that road on foot. Someone else came along in a vehicle and, spotting the nude 19 year old wandering alone along the side of the road, took the opportunity to do something very, very unpleasant to her. And that’s if she actually left the campsite.

    I hope I’m wrong, but I fear I’m right.

  3. Jon Brooks

    “Before you can pass by me, questions you must answer…three.”
    “What is your name?”
    “My name is Maureen.”
    “What is your quest?”
    “I seek spiritual enlightenment.”
    “What the hell are you doing walking around the woods naked?”
    “Why I don’t kno……arrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhh”

  4. Robert B.

    My condolences to her family. Her friends should be prosecuted for aiding and abetting a homicide.

  5. Wyatt Earp Post author

    Dr. Evil – Or the Cigarette Smoking Man.

    Jim – I haven’t seen an update, but I assume she’s already dead.

    Real – Either way, it’s a ridiculous idea.

    Jon – Holy Grail is the best of the Python movies, in my opinion.

    Robert B. – At least pulled in for questioning.

    Rick – Few people are.

  6. Jon Brooks

    Let’s all hope she doesn’t wander into the cave of the beast with a thousand eyes,
    and that she watches out for those bunny rabbits! Decapitated hikers at the entrance will be a dead give-a-way.

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