Gross Point Blank

Jessica Webster Kentucky Mug ShotYou know, being a police officer is a really good gig. You instantly become a babe magnet, get to carry a gun, scarf down all the donuts you can eat, and stop minorities for no reason at all.

Despite those awesome perks – and trust me when I say they are awesome – there are a few drawbacks.

For example, when you arrest someone for no reason at all burglary, you have to search them.


Jessica Webster, 29, was arrested last night for her alleged role–along with her husband–in the burglary of a Louisville home. When collared, Webster was found in possession of jewelry taken from the residence. A post-arrest search also turned up a syringe containing heroin in her hooded sweatshirt.

During a “pat search,” a jailer detected an object “in subj vaginal area,” according to a Louisville Metro Department of Corrections report. Webster was then subjected to a strip search, which yielded two hypodermic needles.

“Subj removed the needles from her vagina and I confiscated them,” reported an investigator, who added that Webster “admitted she hid the needles cause she is a heroin addict.” While the needles appeared empty, they “may have drug residue,” the jailer noted.

A subsequent search also revealed a cellphone, a ’69 Buick Skylark, and a Japanese soldier who didn’t know WWII was over yet.

14 thoughts on “Gross Point Blank

  1. USAdmiral

    Subsequent searches often reveal the most unusual things. I thought the needles in the vagina was bad. I guess I must live a sheltered life.

  2. Jack Rackim

    How much do you think they want for the ’69 Buick Skylark?
    Being stored like that, it could be in good shape.
    I’ve always wanted one of them

  3. loaded dice in vegas

    ….the jailer searched thoroughly but Jimmy Hoffa is still missing…………………

  4. DocRambo

    Ginger Ale through your nose burns! Just finished Joseph Wambaugh’s Hollywood Hills, and the tweaker stories were great, and I totally did not see the Japanese soldier coming. Have been in medicine for forty years and I’d love to see a drug screen on every patient. Also note that the home belonged to a prominent plastic surgeon, and they still have not located his liposuction machine!

  5. Wyatt Earp Post author

    Toothy – “Crack.” I see what you did there.

    USAdmiral – Unless she’s her own gynecologist. Even then . . .

    John D – Or commit Harry Carey. (You know, broadcast a Cubs game from in there.)

    Jack – With the dampness, it’s probably rusted through.

    LDIV – Lucky us!

    Doc – It’s probably being pulled through town like a hot dog cart.

  6. metoo

    Never would have occurred to me to use the birth canal as a hiding place. I do, however, have a post-it note on my butt that says “exit only”. Oh, wait…I’ve said too much.

  7. Bagley

    “A subsequent search also revealed a cellphone, a ’69 Buick Skylark, and a Japanese soldier who didn’t know WWII was over yet.”

    I cannot stop laughing……

    Thank you so much!



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