The Nation Mourns A Tremendous Loss
By Wyatt Earp | October 18, 2011
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I have some very sad news. President Obama’s teleprompter has been stolen!
Now the country holds its collective breath, as we drift rudderless amidst a sea of despair. Who will lead us, I ask? Who?
A truck filled with President Obama’s podiums and audio equipment was stolen in Henrico just days before his visit to Chesterfield.
When you see President Obama speak, there is a pretty typical setup including the presidential seal on a podium, the see-thru Teleprompter and a portable sound system. Thieves saw the truck carrying that equipment and couldn’t resist the target.
A see-thru teleprompter for a see-thru president. Perfect. Sadly, this theft will not affect the president’s constant partisan attacks. His bile is memorized.
Topics: Evil = Funny | 17 Comments »
October 18th, 2011 at 12:28 pm
It will be recovered, but it will have been reprogrammed by its captors to influence US policy. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we’re talking about… THE MANCHURIAN TELEPROMPTER.
October 18th, 2011 at 12:38 pm
I bet it’s all Bush’s fault.
October 18th, 2011 at 12:44 pm
John D. – Well, in fairness, the teleprompter is already smarter than the president. And it has more class.
Smite – Maybe Bush’s teleprompter convinced it to join the GOP?
October 18th, 2011 at 1:23 pm
The TOTUS is TOASTUS? It will ‘resist we much’ I hope.
I agree with John D. though, only it just may have been captured and then reprogrammed by the Tea Party so in the middle of a future speech he will suddenly blurt out ..I LIE!!!..at which point he will pause and scowl at TOTUS at which point …Na Na Na Na Na… will appear on the screen.
This will be followed by a sharp crack as a Secret Service 10 mm HP passes thru TOTUS and he collapses on the dias crushing obambi as he falls. Details at 11.
October 18th, 2011 at 1:33 pm
Relax….
They found the teleprompter. It was recovered in a warehouse belonging to the Mexican drug cartel.
October 18th, 2011 at 2:46 pm
This is no laughing matter. With that teleprompter gone, Biden will have to take over the presidency. O_O
October 18th, 2011 at 3:14 pm
At least TOTUS can display HELP! HELP! when an LEO is near, unlike when Professor Backwards was kidnapped and
dragged screaming into a late model car. Unfortunetly no-one then knew what PLEH! PLEH! meant.
October 18th, 2011 at 3:20 pm
BREAKING TOTUS NEWS: No theft. Apparently it was a failed defection attempt. “I’m just so tired of all the lies,” sobs TOTUS.
October 18th, 2011 at 3:40 pm
Jon – It would be nice if it was programmed to become Max Headroom.
Ferrell – And a bunch of Fast & Furious guns.
Sally Anne – Great. High-speed rail for all!
Richard – It really has the toughest job in the White House.
October 18th, 2011 at 3:59 pm
Well, now we know what the number-one priority for the Department of Homeland Security will be for the next couple of weeks…
I can easily imagine a bunch of DHS’ wannabe-Jack Bauers running around interrogating random citizens at gunpoint:
“Where’s the teleprompter, damnit?! ‘Fess up or we’ll sick the TSA on you for an extra-special screening!”
October 18th, 2011 at 4:01 pm
That should have been “sic,” not “sick.” Damnit.
Although TSA is pretty sick, so maybe it still worksl.
October 18th, 2011 at 6:25 pm
When asked his opinion about the theft, President Obama was speechless.
October 18th, 2011 at 6:29 pm
Wes S. – “WE DON’T HAVE TIME!!!”
Robert B. – Ba-dump-bump!
October 18th, 2011 at 9:18 pm
Now the country holds its collective breath, as we drift rudderless amidst a sea of despair. Who will lead us, I ask? Who?
October 19th, 2011 at 12:22 am
I will lead us!! Grabs flash cards and black magic marker.
Take me to our leader!
October 19th, 2011 at 7:57 am
Good news – TOTUS was found in the parking lot of a Holiday Inn Express. Bad news – It’s not any smarter than it was.
October 19th, 2011 at 12:09 pm
Wyatt:
Limbaugh did a sketch about it Tuesday…it was HILARIOUS!
(betcha that stuff’s in MEXICO by now,…lol)
Stay safe (and teleprompter-free) out there.