She Drove A Plymouth Satellite
By Wyatt Earp | September 24, 2011
Faster than the speed of light . . .
There – for ya. NASA’s dead satellite apparently plunged to Earth early this morning, but like Snooki’s virginity, no one can seem to find it.
And people wonder why NASA is losing its funding? The damned thing is bigger than J-Lo’s ass, and you can’t find it?!! What are you, kidding me?
NASA’s dead 6-ton satellite plunged to Earth early Saturday, but more than eight hours later, U.S. space officials didn’t know just where it hit. They thought the fiery fall was largely over water and the debris probably hurt no one.
The agency did not give a more specific location in a midday update on its website, which also said officials were not aware of any reports of injuries or property damage. Most of the spacecraft was believed to have burned up.
The thing was the size of a bus, and apparently it “disappeared.” Personally, I think it may have landed in Captain America’s backyard. No one would find it with all the junk in there.
Topics: Snarkasm | 17 Comments »
September 24th, 2011 at 2:07 pm
The worst part is, the not knowing is pretty common when these things come down. At least it’s not as bad as NASA not knowing where Skylab was going, seeing as that was as big as a house.
September 24th, 2011 at 3:04 pm
It’s not round or uniform in composition so they can’t figure out how it’s going to react when it hits atmosphere so it would have changed trajectory by many miles in an unpredictable manner.
As for tracking the whole sky….
To quote Dan Truman, “...beg’n your pardon sir, but it’s a big-ass sky. “
September 24th, 2011 at 3:16 pm
They know…. They just don’t want the Ruskees or Chinese to get to it first!
September 24th, 2011 at 3:24 pm
Man, that thing was larger than Rosie O’Donnel’s rear end!
September 24th, 2011 at 3:27 pm
My favorite line so far, seen on twitter:
So lemme get this straight. We can track/intercept an ICBM but we can’t find something WE own ? #uars
September 24th, 2011 at 4:49 pm
So lemme get this straight. We can track/intercept an ICBM but we can’t find something WE own ?
Not to be too much of a jerk, but that’s a non sequitur.
An ICBM goes ballistic and is designed to go in a very predictable trajectory, a satellite is not so designed, it’s designed for vacuum not atmosphere so once it hits air it’s very unpredictable.
September 24th, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Veeshir – clearly you missed the point of that being a joking one-liner type of thing.
If you want to go there though, tens of thousands of registered pieces of space junk that are also in an uncontrolled orbit are constantly tracked by the USAF and NASA, and we know where they are at any given time.
I’m sure there is also plenty of sensors available too, be it on the ground, Naval vessels in the water, aircraft in the area, or other satellites in space too, that could have been a witness to it passing by.
September 24th, 2011 at 5:45 pm
Smite: Depends on how much it broke up on reentry. If it fell as one (or several) large chunk(s) it’d be easier to track/find than if it broke up. But it probably broke up, so you’re talking about a potential debris trail of things the size of a screw a thousand plus miles long and several wide.
It’ll also depend on what it landed on and it’s terminal angle of descent. You get the same issue with airplane wrecks. It’s easier to find if it came in at a shallower angle and on tall grass/small trees than if it came down in a thick forest or at a steep angle, since heavy stuff tends to bury itself. Less of a reason for planes to go missing than a sat, with all the flight plans and radar tracking devoted to just that, but when they go down it usually takes a while, if ever, to find them. for those kinds of reasons.
September 24th, 2011 at 6:48 pm
Ranba – Maybe it’ll drop on Nancy Pelosi? Since she’s a witch.
Veeshir – Can’t we track it with frickin’ laser beams?
Danny – Lousy commie bastards!
Robert B. – That’s saying something!
Smite – That’s brilliant.
September 24th, 2011 at 7:58 pm
that are also in an uncontrolled orbit are constantly tracked by the USAF and NASA, and we know where they are at any given time.
In orbit, in vacuum in other words, not in atmosphere. .
Once they hit atmosphere they’re nearly impossible to predict so harder to track.
September 24th, 2011 at 8:03 pm
Yes I know what you’re saying, I’m not talking about predicting, I’m talking about monitoring and tracking, as in live.
September 24th, 2011 at 8:08 pm
Outting myself as an even bigger nerd, but I take exception to calling Pelosi a witch.
She is obviously a lich that has just transferred her soul. Her body’s started rotting, but she’s not an actual skeleton yet. The only way to permanently defeat her is to destroy her phylactery.
September 24th, 2011 at 11:20 pm
Thank heaven, Wyatt. I thought that one link was about palin_steele aka Capt America because I misread its URL as “5 years of fist in”!
It bugs me that the last thing I heard about it on the 6:00 news was that not only did they not know (allegedly) where it had landed but they couldn’t even decide between whether it was in Alberta south of Calgary or in Africa!?
I trust the NORAD guys know but aren’t allowed to tell the MFM to avoid giving away the state of our joint tracking abilities.
September 25th, 2011 at 12:29 am
It landed in my backyard. With the alien technology I recovered along with the secret files it was collecting about everyone on Earth I will soon rule the world! If you want to be on my good side you may take this moment to swear allegiance to your new overload.
September 25th, 2011 at 12:30 am
Overlord! I meant overlord. Dammit.
September 25th, 2011 at 11:08 am
heh. I had a vision of Dark Helmut on Spaceballs, Rick.
Well I for one, welcome our new
overloadsoverlords.September 25th, 2011 at 2:31 pm
Stood out in my back yard with catchers mitt looking like a fool.