Archive for March, 2011
« Previous Entries Next Entries »Burbank Officers Tase Naked Woman
Wednesday, March 16th, 2011Now, as most of my regular readers know, 98.9% of all naked women we come into contact with on this job look more like Willard Scott than Emily Scott. There are no photos accompanying the article, but I am fairly certain this was the case here. Either way, the taser was completely justified. How can [...]
Barack Obama: Focused Like A Laser
Wednesday, March 16th, 2011No, I’m not going all full-bore into politics again, but the president keeps doing stupid, post-worthy things. The budget is out of control, Japan is still reeling from a devastating earthquake, and Muammar Qaddafi is murdering his own people in the streets. So, what is the leader of the free world concerned about? Basketball. Via [...]
Spears “Disgusted” By Birds, Bees Talk
Tuesday, March 15th, 2011Britney Spears is no stranger to man meat. So imagine my surprise when I saw this story, that claimed the singer was “disgusted” when he mother first talked to her about sex. Maybe Mom was doing it wrong. The birds and the bees is a metaphor. The bees are not actually trying to bang the [...]
Chile Opens Star Wars School
Tuesday, March 15th, 2011And I am already applying for a passport! A Star Wars school called “The Jedi Temple” opened in Quilpué, Chile, to give children a unique way to study martial arts. The school, which begins its second session on March 17th, is training 20 children between the ages of 6 and 12 years old and is [...]
Snake Bites Israeli Model’s Breast, Dies
Tuesday, March 15th, 2011Really? That’s the snake’s first move? Buy her a drink or take her to dinner first! If nothing else, this story teaches us two lessons. First, hands are the more reasonable option during the early stages of heavy petting. Second, silicone is dangerous stuff. Always check to see if your date enhanced herself with silicone [...]
Caption Contest Winners
Monday, March 14th, 2011The “Your Cartoon Has Been Canceled” Caption Contest is now over. Let’s see how everyone did. Top Five Entries: 5. This is what happened when PETA legalized only airsoft guns for hunting. – Jon Brooks 4. Michelle Bachmann’s appearance on Sesame Street traumatizes nation’s young. – Richard McEnroe 3. Holy crap!!! A cartoonavour. – Sully [...]
Obama’s White House: Bullying The Press
Monday, March 14th, 2011Have you ever wondered why the mainstream media posts so many glowing stories about President Obama? Yes, a good amount of reporters are simply liberal hacks pushing the president’s agenda. The rest? Well, they’re bullied. This story, written by White House reporter Keith Koffler, explains. It’s not just a series of uncontrolled outbursts. It is [...]
Murder In Tombstone
Monday, March 14th, 2011No, this is not part of a Humpday History Highlight post, but it does serve as a reminder that historic Tombstone, Arizona still has its share of crime. In some cases, even violent crime. Gunfights are rare in Tombstone now, but while the years go by and the names change, the crimes remain the same. [...]
Jessica Biel Finally Gets It
Monday, March 14th, 2011I mean, Justin Timberlake? What the hell were you thinking?? Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are no longer a couple. The two decided to end their relationship recently and “there are no hard feelings,” a source tells PEOPLE exclusively. “It was completely mutual and they both decided it was time to move on.” The source [...]
If I’m Lion, I’m Dyin’
Sunday, March 13th, 2011It’s been a while since the Crankipants family rolled out a new installment of their comic, Monkey and Bird. Apparently, they have a life or something. The nerve of them. Lucky for you, I am not hindered by such encumbrances. Yeah, that’s right; I’m using big words now. Want to fight about it? Anyway, hurry [...]
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