Archive for January, 2011
« Previous Entries Next Entries »Christina Aguilera: Lousy Drunk?
Wednesday, January 26th, 2011Pop star Christina Aguilera is a woman of many faces. She started out as the young pop tart, prancing around in tiny, revealing outfits which helped distract listeners to her occasionally off-key crooning. Then, she had a child, and started to mature a little. Her clothing choices became more conservative, critics praised her work, and [...]
If You Give A Pig A Pancake
Tuesday, January 25th, 2011He’ll probably have to take a dump a shortly afterward. Taiwan has been experimenting with a simple solution to the perennial problems of pollution, smell and excessive water use on pig farms: train the pigs to use a toilet. After some encouraging results the government now wants all the island’s pig farms to adopt the [...]
Another Embarrassment At Arlington
Tuesday, January 25th, 2011Arlington National Cemetery is one of the most prestigious burial sites in America. It is the final resting place of presidents, veterans, and other national heroes. All of whom are rolling over in their collective graves today. You see, Arlington “released” some historic marble urns that adorned the Memorial Amphitheater, and now the items are [...]
Study: Facebook Is Loosening Up Women
Tuesday, January 25th, 2011According to a new poll, technology is helping women jump into bed faster – and with less effort – than ever before. Good news for those people – like me – who can hide their troll-like qualities behind a handsome avatar. Nearly 40 percent of women say that social-networking media, such as text-messaging and Facebook, [...]
Noinch, Noinch, Noinch, Drinkin’ Weed
Monday, January 24th, 2011A California company – of course – is looking to release a marijuana soft drink. The beverage will contain THC and will surely replace the ever-popular Tahitian Treat as the number one drink in the ‘hood. How they’re going to attach the bong to the can is beyond me, but I never underestimate the ingenuity [...]
Gunman Shoots Up Detroit Police Station
Monday, January 24th, 2011According to the officers, the man walked into the police station with a pistol grip shotgun and started firing. It was just before 4:30 p.m. Sunday when the gunman came into the police station and started shooting. A female sergeant in a hallway was hit first. Commander Brian Davis raced out of his office, exchanged [...]
Ed Mauser, Easy Company Vet, Dies
Monday, January 24th, 2011Nebraska native Ed Mauser was Easy Company’s oldest surviving member. He was an original member of Easy Company and fought with the unit from D-Day through the end of the war. Sadly, he passed away this week after losing his battle with pancreatic cancer. Private Mauser was 94 years old. A member of the “Band [...]
Jets Lose To Steelers, 24-19
Monday, January 24th, 2011Dammit, dammit, dammit! The Pittsburgh Steelers found a fitting way to shut down the New York Jets’ season. What started with “Hard Knocks,” ended with hard knocks. For the third time in six seasons, Terrible Towels will twirl at the Super Bowl. The Steelers silenced Rex Ryan’s wild bunch with a fumble return for a [...]
A Bird In The Hand . . .
Sunday, January 23rd, 2011Is only worth about $12.50 now, thanks to the lousy exchange rate. After a brief interlude, Monkey and Bird is back with a retro feel this week. The black and white theme means Mrs. Crankipants – usually the color maven – had nothing to do this week but eat bon-bons and watch TV. Still, this [...]
The Most Unkindest Cut Of All
Sunday, January 23rd, 2011Guys, be forewarned: This post is not for the faint of heart. A Kentucky man has filed the most appropriate lawsuit of all time. The man, Phillip Seaton, was scheduled for a circumcision at Jewish Hospital in Shelbyville. As you will see, what he got was something much, much worse. Phillip Seaton says when he [...]
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