Cocoa Could Run Out By 2014
By Wyatt Earp | January 28, 2011
Due to the violence and unrest in Africa, the world’s production of chocolate could stop. Yeah, that’s right. No chocolate bars, no chocolate syrup, no chocolate bacon.
I wouldn’t stand up and fight during a Russian invasion, but you can be sure that I’ll fight to the death to keep the chocolate flowing!
The world faces a chocolate ‘drought’ over the next few years, an expert warned yesterday. Political unrest in the Ivory Coast, where 40 per cent of the world’s cocoa beans are grown, has ‘significantly’ depleted the number of certified fair trade cocoa farmers.
Many have fled the West African country, while fair trade training programmes have also come to a halt. [The programmes] have ground to a halt because of the danger farmers face in rural areas. The situation is already affecting chocolate manufacturers, who are facing the highest cocoa prices for over 30 years.
Prices jumped by 10 per cent this month alone and could soon hit $3,720 per metric tonne – a level last seen in January 1979.
Sons of bitches! I need my Hershey’s Kisses, dammit!
Topics: Snarkasm | 20 Comments »
January 28th, 2011 at 7:24 pm
Lemme see if I understand this.
If the Ivory Coast has all the cocoa, then who has all the ivory ?
http://www.ivory.com/purefun_history.htm ?
January 28th, 2011 at 7:27 pm
Looks like it’s time for another military intervention. Hey, we do it for oil, and this is WAY more important.
January 28th, 2011 at 7:43 pm
I NEEEEEEEED chocolate! It gets me through a long day at work.
A world full of women with PMS and no chocolate? Yikes!
January 28th, 2011 at 8:49 pm
I have twenty seven bags of chocolate chips in my kitchen.
I’m not worried.
January 28th, 2011 at 9:19 pm
The world is over two years before the chocolate fall…. See there is a Master Plan.
January 28th, 2011 at 9:20 pm
You could put them in little baggies and sell them like crack.
January 28th, 2011 at 9:20 pm
Wait until the Hot Flashes start, then we’re all in trouble……My wife is all ready PO’d…………..
January 28th, 2011 at 9:47 pm
No chocolate? No Green and Black? GAH! What kind of growing conditions are needed to grow cocoa? Maybe I can start growing some. Especially if I end up regularly pulling 12 hour overnights at the shelter.
They better not run out of coffee beans. I mainline that stuff.
January 28th, 2011 at 9:52 pm
JT – Marilyn Chambers?
John D – No chocolate, no peace!
RT – I’m barricading myself in my basement.
Mrs. Crankipants – Good girl!
Earl – Lousy Mayan bastards!
RT – The Wire: Season 6 – Hershey, PA
LDIV – It beings.
Kim – And sugar better be okay, or I swear to Vishnu, I’ll murder you all!
January 28th, 2011 at 10:32 pm
The spice must flow!
January 28th, 2011 at 10:34 pm
Cthulhu – I blame the Harkonnen.
January 28th, 2011 at 11:57 pm
They said the same thing about the rainforests like a decade ago. CNN did a reporter on the street segment and they asked only women what they would do if we ran out of chocolate. The reaction was not positive hehe.
January 29th, 2011 at 7:45 am
I think John D is dead on. Woman will want the President to send in the Military.(Heck it might be a woman President)
“There is a Clear and Present Danger to American husbands and boyfriends.” Send in the Marines!!
My wife just yelled down the stairs. “Nuke em, take the chocolate!”
January 29th, 2011 at 8:58 am
If we elect a woman as president, will we be going to war once a month?
January 29th, 2011 at 10:53 am
Robert: Robin Williams used to say that if we elected a woman President we would have no more war, just every 28 days we’d have severe negotiations!
January 29th, 2011 at 4:57 pm
OK…..see……this is why the world needs Private Military Contractors like Executive Outcomes or Sandline International. They wound up doing almost exactly the same thing (only with diamonds) in Sierra Leone in the late 1990s- while the international community either dithered or completely ignored the problem, and there’s talk of a UAE-financed, South African staffed group training a private army in Somalia to go after the pirates on land..
January 29th, 2011 at 5:30 pm
As long as we have bacon, we can survive…
January 29th, 2011 at 7:56 pm
Chris C – I suspect they would rips mens’ limbs off, like Wookies that lose at chess.
Danny – Let’s declare war on the Ivory Coast!
Robert B. – Ouch! (Remember ladies, that was Robert, not me!)
Picky – He’s probably correct.
Fenway – Chocolate pirates! Now there’s an idea whose time has come.
BobG – No doubt about that.
January 29th, 2011 at 11:41 pm
Highest price since 1979… who was president then? Obama 0.1, James Earl Carter.
Say no more.
January 30th, 2011 at 2:31 pm
Wife and daughter are not going to like this news! Not one bit. OMFG, I am so in for it.
Why Daddy? Why?