Police Barred From “Nightstick” Enlargement
By Wyatt Earp | April 23, 2010
Oh, well that’s just great! I guess I have to cancel my appointment now.
JAKARTA – Forget about getting a job as a police officer in Indonesia’s Papua if you have had your penis enlarged. You won’t get it, according to local media reports citing the Papua police chief.
An applicant “will be asked whether or not his vital organ has been enlarged,” said Papua police chief Bekto Suprapto, quoted on local website Kompas.com. “If he has, he will be considered unfit to join the police or the military.”
Apparently, Chief Suprapto never heard the song “Papua Don’t Preach.” Thank you, I’ll be here all week! Try the tempe!
The ban was applied since the unnatural size causes “hindrance during training,” said police spokesman Zainuri Lubis in Jakarta, quoted by news portal Detik.com.
Officers are tripping over themselves to get a job there.
Indonesia’s remote easternmost province is home to Papuan tribes, many of whom are known for wearing penis gourds.
Okay, this article is getting a little uncomfortable, and I guarantee that I will freak out the next time I see a gourd.
Papuans use a local technique to achieve the enlargement, according to a sexologist quoted by local newspaper Jakarta Globe, wrapping the penis with leaves from the “gatal-gatal” (itchy) tree so that it swells up “like it has been stung by a bee,” the expert said.
Wouldn’t putting a bee down your pants be easier? Just asking.
And yes, I thoroughly expect some Wyatt jokes to appear in the comments, so have at them. Aaaaand . . . go.
Topics: Snarkasm | 9 Comments »
April 23rd, 2010 at 8:26 pm
It’ll probably turn out that Chief Suprapto was known as
“needledick” in college and he wants to remain the BMOC of the force.
April 23rd, 2010 at 10:23 pm
“hinderance during training”…whaaat…it flaps up and knocks them unconcious doing jumping jacks?
April 23rd, 2010 at 10:58 pm
The problem came when the officers were asked “Which unit are you with?”
April 24th, 2010 at 2:30 am
I’d have no problem……….
April 24th, 2010 at 8:11 am
It’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean.
It’s not the size of the wand, it’s the magic in it.
It’s not how deep you fish, it’s how you wiggle your worm.
Gonna go catch a John Holmes marathon on TEN.(The Erotic Network)
April 24th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
Is that a gourd in your pants or are you just happy to see me???
April 24th, 2010 at 6:37 pm
JT – Sign: You must be smaller than this to ride the Police Academy!
Jon – That really hurts. Trust me.
Proof – Ba-dump-bump!
LDIV – Me neither!
Danny – Well crafted.
MeToo – BOTH!!!
April 25th, 2010 at 4:28 am
I’m assuming that the faux-pas of “stepping on your crank” won’t apply here then?
April 25th, 2010 at 10:04 pm
Bill H – No, probably not.