Does Kim Jong Have A License To Ill?

By Wyatt Earp | July 19, 2009

Herrrooo!

North Korean leader/madman Kim Jong Il was seen in public recently, and the images were enough to even make Michael Moore lose his appetite. Kim looked sickly, thin, and unhappy. You know, just like the Olsen Twins. (I wonder if Kim also smells like bleach and shame?)

Anyway, this fashion emergency is the subject of my Family Security Matters article. Here’s a taste:

Hello, my name is Kim Jong Il, and I am the undisputed leader of the free world. Okay, maybe not the free world, but I am the leader of the palace in which I live. My purpose here, today, is to clarify some points about my health, my plans for total world domination, and my spice garden. Thanks to global warming, the nutmeg is really coming in nice this year. But I digress.

It is my understanding that many people, especially in the West, are concerned about my health and well-being. While I appreciate the sentiments of goodwill – even from Yankee dogs – I can assure you that there is no cause for alarm. I am in the best shape of my life, and am feeling just dandy. So imagine my shock and outrage to see this printed about me, courtesy of those b******s at Fox News:

Citizens of the world, this is utter and complete nonsense. There are two specific (and believable) reasons for my fabulous new look. First of all, after participating in the “battle of the bulge” for most of my adult years, I have decided to exercise more and lose some excess baggage. Have you ever driven in a Korean-made car? These things make a Ford Pinto look like a Cadillac Escalade, and they are not made for people with a lot of “junk in the trunk.”

You can read the rest of the snarky fun HERE.

Topics: FSM | 2 Comments »