Archive for April, 2009
« Previous Entries Next Entries »New Jersey Town Playing The Name Game
Monday, April 20th, 2009A town in northern New Jersey cannot decide on a name. Heh, a woman must be behind this. What??? WOODLAND PARK, N.J. – Would a New Jersey town by any other name smell as sweet? West Paterson voters narrowly passed a referendum last November to change the Passaic County town’s name to Woodland Park this [...]
Al Qaeda Leaders Waterboarded 266 Times
Monday, April 20th, 2009My initial reaction: Who gives a rat’s ass? Khalid Sheikh Mohammed: Mastermind of the 9-11 attacks, was one of two al Qaeda leaders waterboarded. WASHINGTON — CIA interrogators used waterboarding at least 266 times on two top al Qaeda suspects, according to a Bush-era Justice Department memo released by the Obama administration. The controversial technique [...]
Andy Roddick Goes To Brooklyn
Monday, April 20th, 2009Imgaine for a moment you are tennis phenom Andy Roddick. You’re good-looking, successful, and have the world by the tennis balls. Life is good. And then, you fall bass ackwards into a Sports Illustrated supermodel. Not just any supermodel, but the smoking hot Brooklyn Decker. You fall in love and get married. Life just got [...]
Lottery Winner Opens Nude Dude Ranch
Monday, April 20th, 2009God Lord, I hope dude-ettes – like these fabulous Florida State fans – are allowed! I think we’ve had enough Brokeback Mountain jokes to last a lifetime. Of course, this story represents what happens when poor white trash earns their retirement plan – aka the lottery. The winner (or winners) spend their booty on insane, [...]
John Murtha – Piggly Little Bastard
Sunday, April 19th, 2009Well, after reading this nonsense, it is obvious why that despicable waste of protoplasm John Murtha keeps getting re-elected. If you are a member of Islam, please shy away from this story. It is chock full of pork. JOHNSTOWN, Pa. — The John Murtha airport sits on a windy mountain two hours east of Pittsburgh, [...]
Dead Dolphin Found Near Bon Jovi’s Home
Sunday, April 19th, 2009Even Ace Ventura couldn’t save this one. MIDDLETOWN, NJ – Ever since winter closed in on a family of dolphins that had been living in two New Jersey rivers, many felt that the animals had been living on a prayer. On Saturday, the body of another dead dolphin was spotted in the Navesink River just [...]
And Now, A Message From Al Franken
Sunday, April 19th, 2009Remember Al Franken? He is the douchebag jackass that used to play Stuart Smalley on Saturday Night Live (back when it first stopped being funny). He is the douchebag jackass who was behind the the failed liberal radio broadcasting network, Air America. He is the douchebag jackass who ran for the U.S. Senate seat in [...]
Radar Online’s Hot Bikini Moms
Sunday, April 19th, 2009What better way to start your Sunday morning than ogling hot celebrity bikini moms? Well, I guess you could go to church, or enjoy a breakfast with the family, but other than that . . . Mooooooommmmmmmm! Why are you wearing a bikini? You’re embarrassing me! That would be the plaintive wail of most kids [...]
Mississippi Woman Shot In Head, Makes Tea
Sunday, April 19th, 2009Eh, what? No offense to my many readers from Mississippi, but what the Hell do they put in your water? BIRMINGHAM, Ala. – A Mississippi woman who was shot in the head not only survived but made herself tea and offered an astonished deputy something to drink, authorities said Friday. Tammy Sexton, 47, remained hospitalized [...]
Iran Sentences US Journalist To 8 Years
Saturday, April 18th, 2009The charges? Who the Hell knows. The journalist was originally told she was being charged with “buying a bottle of wine.” Okay, I can see that, because she should really be buying the entire box. Soon thereafter, the Iranians told her she was being charged with espionage. Lovely. TEHRAN, Iran — A U.S. journalist in [...]
« Previous Entries Next Entries »