2008: A Year In Review
By Wyatt Earp | December 31, 2008
Well, it’s New Year’s Eve, and while many of you are too drunk to read this right now, some of us are working our fingers to the bone. It’s okay, though, when you drunks sober up tomorrow you can read this to your heart’s content.
So, let’s see: In February (Valentine’s Day, to be exact), the missus and I welcomed our third and final child to the world – or so we thought. Kevin James was eight pounds, eight ounces, and hasn’t stopped growing since. As of this posting, he is driving and playing defense on my ice hockey team.
In March, the missus and realized that we looked pretty good after losing a lot of weight, and we started acting like horny teenagers again. Big mistake. Apparently, we were the only people on earth who thought you couldn’t get pregnant right after having a child! Our bad.
In April, I turned 39 for the first time. Expect to see that number for the next 30 years. Screw 40, I’m not ready for that crap yet!
In June, I won our Blogger Blubber Battle by losing 41 pounds in 6 months. Yeah, I frakkin’ rock. I have gained back three pounds since June 30th, but for the most part, the Fat Wyatt is dead and buried.
In July, the missus rectified the baby situation for me by forcing me to have a vasectomy. “Oh, it’s just minor surgery,” she claimed. Yeah, minor surgery on my twig and berries! Suffice to say, it hurt like Hell.
In October, I saw the doctor again. Another big mistake. The surgeon told me my appendix was inflamed, and needed to come out, a.s.a.p. (Another “minor surgery.”) After slicing me open – and leaving a kickass twelve inch scar – they removed the appendix, and threw it into the hallway, where it exploded, killing five.
A few days later, the Philadelphia Freakin’ Phillies won the World Series. I was in a hospital bed when it happened, and thought I must have died. Thankfully, that was not the case, and I was able tow atch my fellow animals riot in the streets afterward.
On December 3rd, the missus gave birth to Julia Elizabeth, our first and only girl. It was a true blessing, and the best Christmas gift I could ask for. We love our children, and could have a child every year . . .
In an unrelated note, the urologist called today and said that my third and final “sample” was free of swimmers, and I am officially “fixed.” Whoo hoo!!!
It is my sincere hope that everyone has a terrific New Year’s Eve, and most importantly: a safe one. If you’re drinking, please don’t drive. I need all of the readers I can afford!
Topics: All About Wyatt | 13 Comments »
December 31st, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Since it is amateur nite on the roads, we’re gonna stay here in the woods,set down by the creek and have a few beers, and retire way before mid-nite. Have a Happy New Year.
December 31st, 2008 at 10:12 pm
I’m home as well. Had sparkling cider with the kids, and then, closer to midnight, Husband and I will bring out that classy $4.49 bottle of hootch I picked up at Kroger the other day.
December 31st, 2008 at 10:15 pm
Happy New Year.
I’ll be celebrating here at home with coke, straight up, hold the ice
Can’t stand being on the roads with the drunks.
December 31st, 2008 at 11:06 pm
I ingested too much chocolate.
If I wanted to be out to see balls drop, I’d have to head to Florida where all the 90-year-old men live.
Too far for that kind of fun.
December 31st, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Happy New Year and God Bless you and your family.
January 1st, 2009 at 4:47 am
Quiet night in with the Mrs. Glass of port before we went to bed. Woken up by fireworks locally (thanks, guys).
Hope you all corrected your digital watches for the leap second. Seems the Earth is getting a bit slow on the old rotating lark.
All the best for the New Year!
January 1st, 2009 at 5:12 am
I took a big shot of Nyquil and finally got some sleep. Been fighting a cold since Sunday. I love Nyquil.
January 1st, 2009 at 7:04 am
Was it Dennis Leary who had the routine about high schoolers on Nyquil, green tounges, and ‘I love you, you big fucking Q’?
January 1st, 2009 at 9:16 am
I am impressed you gave three samples. I live too far from the hospital so when number one came back “free” I skipped the rest.
January 1st, 2009 at 10:30 am
Sounds like Leary, but I don’t care who did the routine, I love my Nyquil. But I hate that I have to jump through hoops to get it because a bunch of toothless mullet wearers use it as an ingredient in meth. I only want one bottle, not a case.
January 1st, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Happy New Year Wyatt! I have enjoyed reading your blog for ages, you do give me a laugh! Im glad you got all your bits fixed and look forward to another year of your insites, etc.
the bird.
xox
January 1st, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Whoops, should’a warned ya dawg…
January 1st, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Diller – Smart move. Happy new year!
GroovyVic – Ring in the new year with Thunderbird! Heh.
E.L. – *sigh* Fat Wyatt loved Coke . . .and Pepsi, and Dr. Pepper . . .
RT – Senior citizen testicle jokes? Nice!
Rick – And to you and yours, sir!
Alan – You know why, right? Rosie O’Donnell is fatter this year and she’s slowing the entire planet down now!
Ky person – As do I. It’s nature’s perfect food.
Glocksman – I believe it was Dennis Leary. Love that guy – he’s a hockey afficianado.
Admiral – With our track record of fertility? No chance.
Ky person – Imagine the sleep you’d get after downing a case, though! My local Walgreen’s keeps razors (mens and womens) under lock and key now. WTF is that all about?
TB – Thanks, deary! Happy New Year!
Peak – Late as usual. Thanks, Peak!