Place Your Bets!

By Wyatt Earp | June 28, 2008

“It’s dogs . . . and they’re playing poker!”

It’s going to be a pretty good weekend. On Sunday night, my ice hockey team plays its last regular season game of the Spring/Summer League – after we had to forfeit last week’s game due to lack of players. Tonight, however, will be a blast. It’s Casino Night at my Uncle Ray’s house!

Every few months, Uncle Ray has his favorite nieces and nephews over – and Randal - for poker, roulette, craps, and the occasional game of Go Fish. He has all of the appropriate tables and accessories in his den. We’ll play some games, drink some adult beverages, hire some strippers, and have a terrific time. (I’m kidding about the strippers.) And since I have to be in work tomorrow by 7am, I know I’ll be lacking in the sleep department, but it’ll be well worth it.

Here is how Casino Night – and any gathering involving my family – usually goes:
1. Relatives arrive, and their attire is immediately criticized by Randal, Young Ray, and I.
2. Randal, Uncle Ray, Young Ray, and I argue about whose college is the best.
3. Everyone tells me how they love the blog. (Okay, that never happens.)
4. The gambling starts and Randal loses his “inside voice.”
5. Five minutes in, Randal and our sister Allison is already broke.
6. When playing roulette, I quote Wesley Snipes’ “Always bet on black” line. I do, and lose every time.
7. Uber-competitive Mrs. Graves slips her weighted dice onto the craps table.
8. Colleen (my cousin, the teacher) gets drunk and starts using double negatives.
9. Aunt Noreen tells us how mortified she is by our behavior – and rightly so.
10. Everyone heads for the exits. A good time is had by all.

UPDATE: Here’s the wrap-up from last night’s festivities:
1. Randal was the big winner, taking $1,400+ worth of chips. My cousin Colleen was second with $900. Me? I took out a $200 chip loan and lost that fairly quickly.
2. Mrs. Graves has the worst poker face . . . EVER! Note to Kim: When you have a good hand, don’t hop up, smile, and say, “Ooh!”
3. Aunt Noreen and I competed for the title of King Of “TMI.” I’d explain, but I don’t want to ruin everyone’s breakfast.
4. Allison was calling her bimbo friends on the way home – at midnight. Maybe I’m old, but I don’t remember my friends and I going out at midnight.
5. Young Ray couldn’t hold on to his chips . . . literally. He dropped his pile about fifteen times.
6. Uncle Ray was quite the gracious host, and had us all laughing when he brought out the baby pictures of me, Randal, Colleen, and Young Ray. Thanks for a great night, chief!

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