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Simpson Does The Can-Can

By Wyatt Earp | September 9, 2011

Stories about Jessica Simpson disappeared here after she went full retard for the SCOAMF (Obama, for the uninitiated), but since I am a big fan of boobies – and really, who isn’t? – I had to post this.

Apparently, some vapid, idiotic magazine hinted that Simpson would be getting breast-reduction surgery. Simpson immediately shot back, saying it wasn’t true.

Yeah, this is truly a story worthy of our attention. /snark

America can breathe a collective sigh of relief–Jessica Simpson’s assets will not be depreciating. She said so herself.

“Been getting lots of questions about this alleged breast reduction…” Simpson Tweeted on Wednesday. “Not to worry…I LOVE MY BOOBIES!!,” she added. “They aren’t going anywhere!” Simpson later Tweeted to a fan of the reduction rumor, “It’s UDDERly not true!”

The Christian singer-turned reality star-turned fashion CEO was shooting down rumors published in the current issue of In Touch magazine.

If anything, Jess should get fat-reduction surgery . . . everywhere. Just sayin’.

Topics: Snarkasm | 13 Comments »

13 Responses to “Simpson Does The Can-Can”

  1. Bob G. Says:
    September 9th, 2011 at 8:54 am

    Yeah…she could use some quality P/T time…
    (and I think you’d like to assist)


    Stay safe out there.

  2. Ferrell Gummitt Says:
    September 9th, 2011 at 9:20 am

    Is it me or does she look a little “chunked” out in that picture?

  3. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 9th, 2011 at 9:28 am

    Bob G. – Eh. she’s still pretty, but she has an empty head.

    Ferrell – Oh, definitely. It’s why I suggested the lipo – for everywhere except the chest.

  4. Scarlett Says:
    September 9th, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    She doesnt’ need fat reduction surgery. She’s a breath of fresh air to look at compared to some of the crack-head thin celeb-tards out there. Be nice Wyatt !

  5. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 9th, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    Scarlett – Hey, you’re talking to Christina Hendricks’ biggest fan. Jess gets no sympathy here because she’s an empty-headed Obama-ton.

  6. Randal Graves Says:
    September 9th, 2011 at 1:08 pm


    Fat chick liberals = bad.
    Fat chicks on Mad Men = good.

  7. bob (either orr) Says:
    September 9th, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    Fat chick liberals space cadets = bad.
    Fat chicks on Mad Men = good.

  8. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 9th, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Randal – Not necessarily. If CH – who I don’t consider a fat chick – was a liberal, I would still love her. JS has the trifecta of fat chick, liberal, and brain dead.

    Bob – Much more accurate.

  9. Metoo Says:
    September 9th, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    Someone needs to tell Jess when it comes to wardrobe…”just because it comes in your size”.
    Although what she has on looks like a size or two too small! She may have to head to the “chub-ette shop”.

  10. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 9th, 2011 at 9:33 pm

    MeToo – That particular top flaunts her chest, but nothing else.

  11. Ingineer66 Says:
    September 10th, 2011 at 11:07 am

    Randal, one of the funniest comments I have seen all week. But I agree with Bob’s correction.
    Why is it that Hollywood folks think we should listen to them about any topic other than camera angle and lighting? Stick to what you know and let the rest of us make our own decisions on what to eat, wear, buy, execute, etc.

  12. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 10th, 2011 at 11:27 am

    Ingineer66 – Shut up and act/sing/whatever.

  13. Pirate's Cove » Blog Archive » Sorta Blogless Sunday Pinup – 9/11 Edition Says:
    September 11th, 2011 at 10:04 am

    [...] Support Your Local Gunfighter has Jessica’s breasts! [...]