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Donuts: Is There Anything They Can’t Do?

By Wyatt Earp | July 20, 2011

Well, apparently they can’t get you out of a DUI charge.

This guy is chock full of teh stupid. He was stopped for driving while intoxicated. He had an open bottle of Captain Morgan Rum – my favorite – in the car. Then he did the unthinkable; he offered a bribe to the responding officer. On top of that, the bribe was especially insulting.

Read on:

Meet Michael Matakaetis. The 23-year-old Florida man was arrested last week after cops pulled him over for suspicion of drunk driving. Matakaetis, who had an open bottle of Captain Morgan Rum in his Lexus, apparently realized he was plastered and would be headed to the slammer. So Matakaetis decided to try and bribe his way out of the can.

But instead of cash, Matakaetis actually offered the cop a stack of Dunkin’ Donuts coupons. He noted, without irony, “You can have these if you just let me park the car and I’ll walk home.”

Matakaetis’s bribe offer was rebuffed and he was transported to the county jail, where he compounded his problems by telling the deputy, “You’re gonna get a bullet…you should’ve let me go.” Along with a misdemeanor DUI count, Matakaetis was also charged with a felony for threatening the cop. (H/T – Loki)

Bravo, Michael. I suspect you’ll be in jail until it’s .

Topics: Al-key-hol, Snarkasm, The Job | 11 Comments »

11 Responses to “Donuts: Is There Anything They Can’t Do?”

  1. Kim Says:
    July 20th, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    See, where he went wrong was he offered coupons. He was supposed to offer actual donuts. That way, the officer won’t have to stand and wait.

  2. fluffy Says:
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:19 pm

    The cops pictured in Kim’s link are Mass State Troopers.

    Effin’ Massachusetts.

  3. Wyatt Earp Says:
    July 20th, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    Kim – Reason #1 why I never stepped foot in a DD when I was in uniform, except to answer a radio call. It just looks bad.

    Fluffy – Wow, that figures.

  4. ed Says:
    July 21st, 2011 at 1:42 am

    OK, this story was funny, until the bullet death threat.

    *uck off, turd. You give a bad name to otherwise upstanding DUI suspects.

  5. Jon Brooks Says:
    July 21st, 2011 at 7:14 am

    I’d give him a complimentary donut as he got released on bail and just stand there and smile.

  6. AJ Lynch Says:
    July 21st, 2011 at 8:54 am

    He shoulda got a break – you have to admit that coupon offer was very funny.

  7. Wyatt Earp Says:
    July 21st, 2011 at 9:14 am

    Ed – It’s always great when idiots are undone by their own idiocy.

    Jon – “Creme” filled.

    AJ – Eh, they were probably already expired.

  8. Metoo Says:
    July 21st, 2011 at 10:14 am

    Story might have a different outcome if he had given up the rum rather than the coupons, parked the car and walked and/or crawled home.

  9. BobG Says:
    July 21st, 2011 at 11:04 am

    If he’d offered Krispy Kremes, he might have had better luck.
    Don’t care much for most donuts, myself; that’s why I never went into law enforcement.

  10. BlackOrchid Says:
    July 21st, 2011 at 11:37 am

    Floriduh appears to be the epicenter of the AoS lifestyle!

  11. Wyatt Earp Says:
    July 21st, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    MeToo – You’re probably correct.

    BobG – Mmm . . . Krispy Kremes!!!

    Orchid – Only thing missing was Val-U-Rite.