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Code Monkeys On A Plane

By Wyatt Earp | June 18, 2011

So, Tuesday my friend Code Monkey came into Philly, since my little burg happened to be her layover stop. We’ve known each other – online, at least – for six years . . . the entire life of the blog. Six years, and we’ve never personally met. Weird.

Those of you who know me well know that I turn into a freak show when I meet someone for the first time. Wyattpalooza was a nightmare of stress and nerves, even though it turned out to be pretty great. Still, I was freaking out when I picked her up at the airport. It wasn’t that I thought she wouldn’t like me or that she would think I was a tool.

No, I was worried that she was a knife-wielding psycho.

Luckily for me, I have installed metal detectors on the Wyattmobile – aka my Saturn SUV – and only found lipstick, a pair of brass knuckles and her artificial hip. So, we were golden. We only had a few hours for the grand tour of the most fabulous dismal town in America, and since CM demanded a cheesesteak, we headed to Geno’s.

Um, eventually.

Almost immediately after she got into the car, CM said, “Boy, I can’t wait to go home.” Nice, huh? You could tell she wanted to pull the words back, but it was too late. I responded with, “Dude you just got here!” (And yes, I actually called her dude.) As we were arguing over her verbal faux pas, I missed the turn onto N/B I-95. Instead, I was headed west toward the Platt Bridge – taking me out of my way. What resulted was a comical scene of me slamming my hands on the steering wheel, shouting “F**k, f**k, F**k!!!” (It’s okay, she knows I swear.)

The wrong turn was actually a blessing, because I got to show her our overpriced stadiums. You know, the stadiums working guys like me can never afford to enter? After that, we drove to Penn’s Landing to check out the rotting USS Olympia and take a gander at the Battleship New Jersey, which is moored at a real waterfront . . . in Camden.

We meandered over to Geno’s Steaks in South Philly – yes, it’s touristy, but hey, she’s technically a tourist – and had lunch. CM made me order because she didn’t want to do it wrong and get yelled at by the Soup Nazi. So, we each had a cheesesteak with whiz and without onions, and they were awesome. Almost as awesome as what CM saw next.

I nudged her and said, “Look to the left.” There was Joey Vento, Geno’s owner, behind the grill, working as always. She got a kick out of that, saying, “Wow, Joey Vento is actually making our steaks!” While Joey is something of a celebrity in these parts, he still – in his 70′s – comes to work every day to slave over the grill. He’s hardcore.

We ate in my car, because everyone knows you can’t get an outside table at Geno’s. We talked for a while, laughed a lot, and made fun of my commenters.

*It’s okay. We didn’t make fun of you. Just other commenters.*

We finished the magical mystery tour with a quick stop at Independence Hall and a few lesser-known touristy places. It was cool to show someone the places most people never see. When we were done there, I was pretty much sick of her, so I took her to the airport, slowed down to about 35, and made her do a tuck-and-roll out of my car. Last I saw of her, she was searching for her smashed laptop, yelling, “YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE LAST OF MEEEEEEE!”

All in all, it was a pretty fun day.

Topics: Coolness! | 14 Comments »

14 Responses to “Code Monkeys On A Plane”

  1. realwest Says:
    June 18th, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    Howdy Wyatt, well as long as you didn’t make fun of ME, I guess that’s ok. Or maybe not – your commenters are an integral and important part of your blog, no?!
    Anyway, I’m glad your get together with Code Monkey was so nice!

    Oh, and btw, y’all have an e-mail!

  2. Ranba Ral Says:
    June 18th, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    We’ve known each other – online, at least – for six years . . . the entire life of the blog. Six years, and we’ve never personally met. Weird.

    Not really that weird in this digital age. I’ve known this girl online for about 15 years now. Recently she’s made a bit of a fuss that she’s never even heard my voice, but I was like her moral compass for a while when she was having some problems a few years back. She got really upset when I mentioned my Australia graduation trip and where my uncle and I went and it turns out we literally drove past her house when we went into the Blue Mountains.

  3. Kim Says:
    June 18th, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    Glad you guys got together and had fun. I know you all didn’t talk about me since I’m the most boring commenter here.

  4. Old NFO Says:
    June 18th, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Good for you, we’ll get you out in public yet :-) Glad y’all had a good time too!

  5. Code Monkey Says:
    June 18th, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    People did look at me kind of funny when I was all excited about a long layover in Philly. Thanks for the tour. You were a gracious host.

    And I thought of you when I was driving home from the airport, missed a turn, then found myself mumbling at my GPS “Make it stop!”

  6. Robert B. Says:
    June 18th, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    “We talked for a while, laughed a lot, and made fun of my commenters.”

    Probably about the resident limerick writer.

    ‘s ok, I’m used to put downs. My bank just sent me a notice that due to my age, they were going to start sending their annual calandar to me one month at a time.

  7. Enano Siniestro Says:
    June 18th, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    Sounds like a good time. At least I hit Independence Hall and Geno’s during my short trip. Too bad we didn’t get to hang out and discuss the scientific composition of Guiness beer. Next time.

  8. Wyatt Earp Says:
    June 18th, 2011 at 9:30 pm

    Real – I just saw it but didn’t read it yet. I will.

    Ranba – Could be worse; some people hear my voice and get bent because I have a strong “Philly accent.”

    Kim – No, the most boring commenter here is me.

    Old NFO – Yeah, it was fun, and I stressed as much as I did with the other blog meets.

    CM – Oh, it’s worse when you’re trying to get home!

    Robert B. – Well, it saves more trees that way . . .

    Enano – It is nature’s perfect beverage.

  9. Chris C Says:
    June 18th, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    A trip to Phili is not complete without a visit to the Meunter Museum. :)

  10. hutch1200 Says:
    June 19th, 2011 at 5:53 am

    Stalking can be stressful. Hit the evidence room for some Vaium. Just sayin.

  11. Brian Says:
    June 19th, 2011 at 7:11 am

    Hello Wyatt,
    Glad to hear the first not date went well but I’m still a little confused about where in your description of events the “it puts the lotion on the monkey” thing you previously alluded to was supposed to come in?

  12. JeffT Says:
    June 19th, 2011 at 7:34 am

    You should have taken a scenic tour through Nicetown.

  13. Brian Says:
    June 19th, 2011 at 8:07 am

    All kidding aside I hope you have an excellent fathers day.

  14. Wyatt Earp Says:
    June 19th, 2011 at 9:08 am

    Chris C. – I wanted to take her to Eastern State Penitentiary . . . and leave her. What? Just sayin’.

    Hutch1200 – So can driving around Philly. It’s like New York without the cabs.

    Brian – Didn’t work out . . . .

    JeffT – Most ironically named neighborhood of all time.

    Brian – Thanks!