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Previously On Justified . . .

By Wyatt Earp | May 4, 2011

After tonight’s season finale, I think Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens needs to transfer from Kentucky to West Virginia.

Police say an Alum Creek man high on bath salts killed his neighbor’s pygmy goat and that neighbors found him in his bedroom, dressed in a bra and panties, next to the dead animal, said Lt. Bryan Stover of the Kanawha County Sheriff’s Department. Mark Thompson, 19, of Greenview Road, is charged with animal cruelty after police got a call from a woman who said he stole her goat at about 3:15 a.m. Monday.

“He told them, ‘Don’t come in, I’m naked,’” [Goat owner Lisa] Powers said. “But they opened the door and he was standing there with his pants down. He had on women’s clothing, the goat was dead and there was blood everywhere. It was just a scene.”

Thompson told police he was on bath salts for three days. (H/T-Mrs. C)

Forget bath salts; this guy should have been getting high on Clearasil.

Topics: WTF? | 12 Comments »

12 Responses to “Previously On Justified . . .”

  1. GroovyVic Says:
    May 4th, 2011 at 6:49 pm

    Hey! Don’t pick on the acne inflicted!

    But really…high on bath salts? I didn’t know that was possible.

    *Where are those bath salts again?*

  2. realwest Says:
    May 4th, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    Bath salts? How the hell does anyone get “high” on bath salts – and those pimples could have come from using meth.

  3. realwest Says:
    May 4th, 2011 at 7:34 pm

    Howdy Wyatt – say, I don’t usually do this, but have you seen this story:
    Sentimental U.S. Flag Stolen In Front Of Bremerton Police Station
    BREMERTON, Washington — An American flag that once draped the coffin of a soldier killed in Iraq was stolen Monday night from a home right across the street from the Bremerton police station.

    Roy Farve and Ginger Surratt, both Army veterans, decided to fly the flag Monday, in the wake of the news that Osama bin Laden had been killed by U.S. forces. They said the news made them break down and cry.

    “We remembered all the friends that we had lost and the battles that I had been in, and the sacrifices that have been made to capture and kill this man; justice had finally been served,” Farve said.
    Hope you don’t mind me posting this, but I wondered if Police Stations usually have CCTV cameras on ‘em?

  4. Mrs. Crankipants Says:
    May 4th, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    * rolls up dollar bill, grabs box of Mr. Bubble *

  5. JT Says:
    May 4th, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    From what I understand, they aren’t really bath salts.

    Just like all blueberries aren’t blueberries…..

  6. Wyatt Earp Says:
    May 4th, 2011 at 10:10 pm

    GroovyVic – Probably next to the moth balls.

    Real – Or not bathing in a month. And the flag story is a disgrace.

    Mrs. Crankipants – Okay, that’s some funny stuff right there.

    JT – That’s brilliant!

  7. ed Says:
    May 4th, 2011 at 10:41 pm

    Wyatt, you know who that is, right? That’s JackStraw from ace’s place.

    Wow…he looks…exactly like I expected he would.

  8. BlackOrchid Says:
    May 5th, 2011 at 9:06 am

    I inexplicably love this story

    You know you’re always in trouble when you knock on a young man’s door and hear “Don’t come in! I’m naked!”

  9. Bob G. Says:
    May 5th, 2011 at 10:21 am

    I heard a few months back about the bath salts gig…another “WTF?” moment for me…right up there with that “plant food” people been smokin’.
    (the “new” K2 …which is supposed to be incense, but is also been proven to be synth-pot.)

    Now, if we could JUST convince these druggies that huffing crystal DRANO and smoking rat poison produced the ULTIMATE HIGH…lol.

    We can hope.


    Roll safe out there.

  10. Wyatt Earp Says:
    May 5th, 2011 at 11:11 am

    Ed – Dear God, I hope you’re kidding.

    Orchid – If I had a nickel for every time I yelled that . . . Oh, I’ve said too much.

    Bob G. – I’m in! Let’s spread the rumor!

  11. PapaMAS Says:
    May 6th, 2011 at 12:07 am

    I must live a really boring existence. I have never once thought about getting high on bath salts and assaulting a pygmy goat while cross-dressing. Ever. What’s wrong with me?

  12. ed Says:
    May 6th, 2011 at 4:40 am

    Wyatt, yeah, I’m kidding… but the great thing about ace’s site is…yeah, it was believeable!