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Christina Aguilera: Lousy Drunk?

By Wyatt Earp | January 26, 2011

Pop star Christina Aguilera is a woman of many faces. She started out as the young pop tart, prancing around in tiny, revealing outfits which helped distract listeners to her occasionally off-key crooning.

Then, she had a child, and started to mature a little. Her clothing choices became more conservative, critics praised her work, and people started giving the girl some respect.

Of course, that change in maturity lasted about as long as her IUD. It seems the old Christina is back and sloppier than ever.

Christina Aguilera allegedly acted out the “which bed should I sleep in?” scene from of “Goldilocks and the Three Bears” at Jeremy Renner’s 40th birthday party. Aguilera reportedly got “wasted” and made herself – and her boyfriend – at home in “The Hurt Locker” star’s boudoir.

Apparently, Renner was not amused.

“Someone comes and tells me she’s in my room,” Renner told friends on January 16. “I run up and open the door and I’m like, ‘Um, hi. What are you doing?’ She just starts slurring. Her boyfriend (Matthew Rutler) was rubbing her back. Who comes to someone’s birthday party that they don’t know and gets in their bed?! My parents were there!”

Were his parents in bed with Aguilera, because that would be a story to tell his grandchildren. Look, Aguilera is a train wreck on a normal day, so she is more than capable of doing something like this. Renner should know that and make the best of it: by selling the soiled sheets on eBay.

Topics: Al-key-hol | 12 Comments »

12 Responses to “Christina Aguilera: Lousy Drunk?”

  1. JT Says:
    January 26th, 2011 at 6:56 am

    When pigs get drunk, they don’t turn into Ms. Aguilera, either.

  2. Dannytheman Says:
    January 26th, 2011 at 7:45 am

    Disclaimer ALERT: I am a big Christina fan. So everything I say will be to her favor.

    I didn’t know Jeremy Renner was gay until today.

    I would buy those sheets.

    My mom could watch if I were so lucky. (My wife might not like it though)

    Who wouldn’t want a babe in their bed for a birthday present?

  3. John D Says:
    January 26th, 2011 at 9:14 am

    Believe it or not, Christina actually got her start on The All-New Mickey Mouse Club, along with Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake. Walt Disney must be spinning in his grave.

  4. Mrs. Crankipants Says:
    January 26th, 2011 at 9:18 am

    Jeremy was more surprised than anything, he’s never seen a woman in his bed before.

    Danny, if she passed out face down, those sheets look like The Shroud of Turin.

  5. richard mcenroe Says:
    January 26th, 2011 at 11:44 am

    Oh. No. Christina Aguilera Passed Out In My Bed. Whatever. Shall. I. Do?

    *click of door locking*

  6. Mrs. Crankipants Says:
    January 26th, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    I wish she’d pass out in my bed too so I could wrestle those ratty extensions off her head.

  7. RT Says:
    January 26th, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    And teach her how to apply make-up.

  8. Dannytheman Says:
    January 26th, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    Face down in bed? Yanking out the extensions??
    God I am so excited!!!

  9. GroovyVic Says:
    January 26th, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    Ew. Her? Really? Eeesh, I would have though you guys had better taste than that.

    I hear she’ll be singing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl. Keep your Vaseline handy.

  10. Wyatt Earp Says:
    January 26th, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    JT – Pigs have some morals.

    Danny – Okay, every one of those responses were hilarious!

    John D – As is Annette Funicello.

    Mrs. Crankipants – Yeah, she was shot in the face with a makeup gun.

    Richard – Just clean up the DNA afterward so the po-po can’t charge you. Just sayin’.

    Mrs. Crankipants – She’d look like Kojak when you were done with her.

    RT – Tammy Faye Baker already has.

    Danny – Easy, big fella!

    GroovyVic – You notice I didn’t categorize this story in the Babes section. She’s a slob, and I don’t mean that in a good way.

  11. RogerDee Says:
    January 26th, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    Gee Wyatt, according to the story she sounds like a GREAT drunk…all the time drunk…pass out at a party at a friend’s house drunk…. go to a bar and lose her car drunk (we hope).

  12. Wyatt Earp Says:
    January 27th, 2011 at 12:11 am

    Roger – And never forget how I disappointed her in the sack . . .