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There’s A New Love In My Life

By Wyatt Earp | September 21, 2010

Remember that affair I had with this sweet sensation? Well, that’s over. Kicked her to the curb.

This love is my one true love. It is a hockey stick autographed by my hero, Wayne Gretzky. Isn’t she beautiful?

How did I come to possess such a lovely visage? Well, the credit goes to Mrs. Crankipants. She and Mr. Crankipants attended an ALS benefit over the weekend for their nephew – here’s the e-mail if you would like to contribute – and this was one of the items at the silent auction. She told me about it, and my response was akin to Darth Vader’s: “I want that ship stick.”

She asked me how high I would go for it, and I quoted her a fairly obscene dollar amount. I did so because I’m the man around here and I don’t need any permission to spend a lot of money. (Read: I asked the wife’s permission and she gave me the green light.) Mrs. Crankipants said she would do her best, but considering the item, I figured my bid would be too low. And no, I am not releasing the bid here, but it was a nice chunk of change.

Later that night, she sent me the above photo of the stick blade and the autograph. I figured she was teasing me, because that’s what she does. I told her that I was starting to get my hopes up, and that probably was an unwise thing to do.

Her response? “It’s yours, idiot!” She won it!

I traveled to Casa de Crankipants this morning and picked up the stick – after thanking Mrs. Crankipants a million times. It was better than I imagined, and the best money I have ever spent. The fact that it’s going to the charity is icing on the cake.

So listen up. No one gives Mrs. Crankipants grief here . . . ever! Understand, people?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I want to be alone with the stick.

Topics: Ice Hockey | 18 Comments »

18 Responses to “There’s A New Love In My Life”

  1. RT Says:
    September 21st, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    Mrs. Crankipants is awesome! All for a very worthy reason, too. Kudos to Mrs. Earp, too. :)

  2. JT Says:
    September 21st, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    So listen up. No one gives Mrs. Crankipants grief here . . . ever! Understand, people?


    Who in their right mind would WANT to ?

    She has a belt sander……and she knows how to use it.

  3. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 21st, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    RT – What about me? I’m the one with the man-crush!

    JT – Yeah, she’s scary . . . in a special kind of way.

  4. GroovyVic Says:
    September 21st, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    Wyatt and stick….something about that seems kind of freaky.

  5. Bitter Says:
    September 21st, 2010 at 7:36 pm

    Wow, that’s very cool. And very kind of her.

  6. proof Says:
    September 21st, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    I think you got ripped off, Wyatt! You’ve got a genuine Wayne Muzhy there! (After all these years, I’m sure Gretzky knows how to make a “G”!)

  7. Old NFO Says:
    September 21st, 2010 at 8:01 pm

    You’re gonna owe her for EVAR!!! :-D

  8. Mrs. Crankipants Says:
    September 21st, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    When I handed over the hockey stick, Wyatt was like a hyperactive toddler after two bowls of cereal marshmallows. Fortunately for me and Windex eyes, when my nephew found out I was bidding on the Gretzky stick, he pulled it from the auction. I knew that being the cool aunt who slipped him sips of my Chimay when he was a teenager would someday pay off.

  9. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 21st, 2010 at 9:22 pm

    GroovyVic – Play your cards right, and . . .

    Bitter – Yeah, she’s the shiznit.

    Proof – Trust me, I know a Gretzky and an Elway autograph by sight. It’s genuine.

    Old NFO – Yup!

    Mrs. Crankipants – Sorry for tinkling on your rug. I do that when I’m excited.

  10. RT Says:
    September 21st, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    Mrs. Crankipants–If you give him a Guinness and a Scooby Snack he calms down.

  11. bob (either orr) Says:
    September 21st, 2010 at 11:17 pm

    Next… you have to go eat in Wayne Gretzky’s restaurant in Toronto near the Hockey Hall of Fame. Young lad and I did that when we went up there.

  12. Ingineer66 Says:
    September 21st, 2010 at 11:28 pm

    That is very cool. :-)

  13. Ferrell Gummitt Says:
    September 22nd, 2010 at 12:38 am

    Maybe a Disney Movie could be made from this.

    Something like this was a magical Hockey Stick and anyone who possessed it could have the Hockey playing abilities of Wayne Gretzky.

    You could have a side political plot where everytime a Progressive told a lie or blamed Bush, Sarah Palin or Glenn Beck for something the stick becomes a divineing stick.

    Of course now you are talking about a 4 hour miniseries.

  14. GroovyVic Says:
    September 22nd, 2010 at 5:19 am

    Wyatt, you’re a tease.

  15. 1oldleg Says:
    September 22nd, 2010 at 8:12 am

    That’ll be 2 “Get out of jail free” cards good for up to double felony charges and a “Badge of Invisibility” to take care of those pesky highway patrol boys.

    Get to work Wyatt!

    The Missus won’t wait!

  16. Randal Graves Says:
    September 22nd, 2010 at 11:16 am

    What, no Keith Acton???

  17. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 22nd, 2010 at 11:21 am

    RT – Once in a while.

    Bob – Never been to the Hall, but I’d like to go there.

    Ingineer – And I’ll never, ever sell it. Ever.

    Ferrell – That would assume I would actually play a game with the stick. It’s already hanging up in my basement.

    GroovyVic – Eh, if I thought you were a hockey fan, I’d work something out. :)

    1oldleg – Yeah, she pretty much has favors from now until my death.

    Randal – He is still my favorite Flyer of all time. Bri got me his autograph once. It read: “To a wiseguy punk. Best wishes, Keith Acton.” I still cherish that piece of paper.

  18. dragonlady474 Says:
    September 23rd, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    You MUST really like the guy. I adore Bruce Dickinson but I couldn’t pick his signature out if my life depended on it. lol