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Mystery meat…it’s what’s for dinner

By RT | August 18, 2010

The scene:
August 2050, 6 p.m. at a diner near you.

Hey, hon, how may I help you.

I’d like the turkey dinner with mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, corn, carrots, and a diet Coke.

Turkey? What’s that?

That bird that can’t fly, and if it looks up during a rainstorm it will drown. It gobbles. We eat it for Thanksgiving.

Oh, I think my mom talked about turkey once.

How old are you?

Oh, I’m 20. Anyways, we have a special today: vatted meatloaf, fried vatted meat patties with soy cheese, and vatted meat stuffed with soybeans.

Can I just get a BLT with french fries, please.

Really, don’t you understand? We only sell vatted meat as required by the UN and by the global food manufacturers…and their scientists. You’re not from around here, are you?

Good Lord.

Who’s that?

Yeah….artificial meat…made in a vat. Sounds yummy and healthy. Right?

It is reported that the availability of food versus the need for it based on population will necessitate the need for the creation of artificial meat.

I don’t think this is pimento loaf, either.

“. . .novel ways to increase food production will also be needed, say the scientists. Conventional animal breeding should be able to meet much of the anticipated doubling of demand for dairy and meat products in Asia and sub-Saharan Africa, but this may not be enough.

Instead, says Dr Philip Thornton, a scientist with the International Livestock Research Institute in Nairobi, two “wild cards” could transform global meat and milk production. “One is artificial meat, which is made in a giant vat, and the other is nanotechnology, which is expected to become more important as a vehicle for delivering medication to livestock.”

Well, this is just weird.

Topics: Duct Tape Advisory, | 16 Comments »

16 Responses to “Mystery meat…it’s what’s for dinner”

  1. Robert B. Says:
    August 18th, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    Soylent Green comes to mind.

  2. RT Says:
    August 18th, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    Robert B.
    The new green eggs and ham. Ewww.

  3. Kim Says:
    August 18th, 2010 at 8:58 pm

    And people think we’re strange because we want to raise our own food. At least we can identify our food, know what went into it, how it lived, and how it died. I don’t trust cloned meat. This is way beyond that!

  4. Mrs. Crankipants Says:
    August 18th, 2010 at 9:01 pm

    Isn’t that why tofu and veggie burgers were invented?
    I still think pimento loaf will survive, as well as head cheese.

  5. RT Says:
    August 18th, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    The meat supply is definitely a disturbing issue more and more. It is like The Jungle revisited in a way.

    Mrs. Crankipants
    Hey, if we are going to have processed meat, why not salami?

    I’m somewhat very sensitive to soy. Can’t really tolerate it. I’d be doomed. Soy is EVIL!

  6. Robert B. Says:
    August 18th, 2010 at 10:22 pm

    RT – I agree wholeheartedly with you on soy. It is one of the few things I pass or pick over when eating. And I have eaten quite a few things overseas most Americans would pass on (bat soup anyone?).

  7. Watuschski Says:
    August 18th, 2010 at 10:47 pm

    Bat soup for me is right up there with bat shit!

  8. proof Says:
    August 19th, 2010 at 12:04 am

    Enough of that Wild Turkey off to the side and I can put up with just about anything else!

  9. RT Says:
    August 19th, 2010 at 12:48 am

    Robert B.
    It causes moobs.
    I’m convinced it is harming females.
    I have a hypothyroid and have to avoid it as much as possible.

    Bat? People think I’m strange just for enjoying bison.

    I hear it is good with grilled cheese sammies.

    Well, you will be a survivor and will have a wonderful antiseptic for gaping flesh wounds.

  10. proof Says:
    August 19th, 2010 at 1:19 am

    RT: Mix that Turkey 50% with honey and you’ve got a great cough syrup too!

  11. RT Says:
    August 19th, 2010 at 1:25 am

    That, Proof, I will have to remember. I don’t really drink (actually haven’t had anything alcoholic in two years), so that would definitely knock me out.

  12. proof Says:
    August 19th, 2010 at 2:28 am

    You can use a cheaper whiskey for your whiskey and honey, but Turkey will make you glad you got sick! Heh.

    (Think I feel a little cough coming on now!)

  13. Jon Brooks Says:
    August 19th, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    Like the old Calvin and Hobbes or Bloom County cartoon
    (forget which strip but it dealt with artificial food) had either Enus or Calvin say….”My compliments to the chemist!”

  14. Sully Says:
    August 19th, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    Vegetarian zombies?

  15. RT Says:
    August 19th, 2010 at 9:43 pm

    I’ve only had a shot of whiskey once. That was enough. :)

    Jon Brooks
    Good one!

    Guess heads of lettuce are the special of the day.

  16. Jon Brooks Says:
    August 20th, 2010 at 7:19 am

    For Sully:

    “Send more horticulturalists!”