True Detective Stories
By Wyatt Earp | July 8, 2009
When most people think of police officers, they think about everyday heroes risking life and limb to bring criminals to justice. That is usually the picture that television dramas paint, and for the most part, it is accurate.
Of course, there are exceptions. Consider this little scenario, which occurred last night in our division. As always, the following story is absolutely true.
An officer calls the division and tells us that he has an arrest for retail theft. Not content to just bring up the job, he has to explain every little detail of this commendation-worthy pinch. Apparently, six juveniles enter a food store and start grabbing items and fleeing the scene on foot. A security guard – you should have seen this chick – pursues the vicious offenders on foot and flags down police. The officer stops the six juveniles and calls for backup.
Backup officers arrive – seven of them, in fact – and corral the little thieving bastards. The security guard identifies each male, as well as the items they stole. These were “big ticket” items like sodas, chips, and ice cream bars. The total amount of merchandise taken was $15. The offenders are arrested and brought to the division for processing. Six juvenile offenders, arrested by seven police officers (and a security guard) for $15 worth of food. Yeah, the crime of the century.
So, here’s the best part of the story. Are you paying attention? Here is what the arresting officer asks:
“Do you want us to hold the ice cream for evidence? We already put into an evidence bag.”
Um, yeah jackass, put the ice cream bar on a property receipt and see if it’ll keep until the preliminary hearing. It’s only 85 degrees outside!
Pity me, for I am a Philadelphia police detective.
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