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Tales From The Dinner Table

By Wyatt Earp | July 14, 2009


“Raspberry. There’s only one man who would dare give me the raspberry: Lone Star!” – Dark Helmet, Spaceballs

Code Monkey mentioned the other day how SYLG is putting out a lot of posts about politics. She’s right, but with the economy crashing down around us, I figured it would be negligent if I didn’t talk about it. Then, when I looked this place over, I realized that some regular commenters haven’t been leaving comments recently. Maybe they, like a lot of us, are getting sick of the political crap.

I don’t blame them.

So, when CM said she liked reading stuff about the kids, I knew I had to post this little vignette from our dinner table.

On those nights when I’m home for dinner – during my two-week long daywork tour – we have everyone at the dinner table now. Me, the missus, Kyle, Erik, and Kevin and Julia in high chairs. Not surprisingly, it’s a chaotic scene. Why? Well, because everyone’s mannerisms are at the forefront lately. For example . . .

When I sit down to eat, I have to take off my glasses. I’m near-sighted, so I can still see what I’m eating, but I don’t like the glasses on during meal time. I know: I’m insane.

After I take off my glasses, Kyle and Erik regale us about their day. Erik goes into 20 minutes of, “Guess what, Dad? I played Wii NASCAR today. Guess what, Dad? I did very well at swim lessons today. Guess what, Dad? I took all of your CDs and smashed them with a hammer!” It’s non-stop entertainment.

While Erik is playing Mikey Motormouth, the usually reserved Kyle is butting in with, “We know, Erik! You told us that, Erik! Be quiet, Erik!” This is when I start to rub my throbbing temples.

So, while the missus is refereeing that skirmish, the babies kick in. Kevin pretty much eats anything now: corn, bratwurst, auto parts – you name it, he shovels it in. The funny part is that while he can’t speak yet, he lets us know when he’s hungry . . . by grunting. He’ll look at the wife, and yell, “Ahh! Ahh! AHH!!! He’s our own special little caveman.

At least the girl enjoys a nice, quiet little dinner, right? Eh, not so much. She just found her voice, and has developed a weird little habit of squealing with delight – for no apparent reason whatsoever. And it’s not a cute, low-key squeal. It’s a rattle the house, shake the dinner plates squeal.

So, I sit here, every night, watching the lunatics run the asylum. I have the ultimate cage fighters next to me, while the yodelers are at the far side of the table with the wife. I cannot begin to imagine how loud dinner will be when they are teenagers.

Guinness, take me away!

Topics: The Boys | 14 Comments »

14 Responses to “Tales From The Dinner Table”

  1. Easily Lost Says:
    July 14th, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    Well Wyatt, it sounds to me, like you understand, you don’t have control. Ain’t life grand :D

  2. Old NFO Says:
    July 14th, 2009 at 9:00 pm

    “Enjoy” the mayhem… Trust me it will ONLY get worse! :-)

  3. Code Monkey Says:
    July 14th, 2009 at 10:16 pm

    I can’t imagine where they get that insanity from. Nope, not a single thought. (You do need a video of the squeal if at all possible.) And thanks, I love the kid updates. :)

  4. CaptainAmerica Says:
    July 14th, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    So like me your just a figurehead… it’s nice to be the King ain’t it?

  5. RT Says:
    July 14th, 2009 at 11:36 pm

    Your kids are just way too cute for words.

  6. Dorkelina Says:
    July 15th, 2009 at 6:41 am

    Awesome. Makes me wish I had… My dinner table!

  7. GroovyVic Says:
    July 15th, 2009 at 6:49 am

    Hopefully they won’t turn into miserable, mopey teens who slouch around and beg to eat dinner in front of the TV. Enjoy it…my nine year old doesn’t even talk to us anymore!

  8. Doghouse Says:
    July 15th, 2009 at 9:50 am

    I am SO with you on all of this. We get to add in some female attitude and drama though.

  9. Kim Says:
    July 15th, 2009 at 10:27 am

    Sounds like a normal, healthy, happy family dinner to me. The only thing missing is the food being flung on the ceiling.

  10. Randal Graves Says:
    July 15th, 2009 at 10:42 am

    Let’s just hope that none of them have an aversion to different types of food touching on the same plate.

  11. MeToo Says:
    July 15th, 2009 at 11:39 am

    Ah, the joys of parenthood. Some days there are NONE!
    When they get older, threaten to live long enough to be a burden to them. Let’s face it, it is by far the most rewarding job you will ever have.

  12. Wyatt Earp Says:
    July 15th, 2009 at 5:55 pm

    E.L. – Oh, I have control. I have the gun!

    Old NFO – I suspect the teenage years will be a blast.

    CM – It’s from the wife, of course. She’s nuts!

    Captain –

    RT – You want them?

    Dorkelina – Is it still stuck in Customs?

    GroovyVic – Actually, that’s how I usually eat dinner.

    Doghouse – I didn’t mention the missus, because I’m scared of her.

    Kim – That’ll be Julia soon. She already gives raspberries when she has a mouth full of baby food.

    Randal – That’s not an aversion! It is perfectly normal, dammit! (I wonder if they have China with the sections cut out like the paper plates?)

    MeToo – I am already fitting myself for Depends!

  13. Earl Says:
    July 15th, 2009 at 9:30 pm

    What you can’t imagine yet, but will be coming — silence, and the empty nest. A bit relaxing after watching the youth hammer themselves and the family through those teenage years but silence and alone and the house is too big and full of memories. Enjoy the quiet little riot you have now, love them all you can. Go gently.

  14. Smite A. Hippie Says:
    July 16th, 2009 at 6:31 pm

    awe! cute little buggers!