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So Let It Be Written, So Let It Be Done

By Wyatt Earp | June 18, 2009

emperor horsesApparently, this knucklehead in a fez saw The Ten Commandments one too many times. Well, either that or Coming To America. I have to admit, though, if I owned a few horses, I would be galloping down to Uber’s workplace, post haste! Heh.

Anyway, RT sent me this pure comedy gold. If you’re not laughing at the end of this article, I guarantee to refund all of your money.

(Not a guarantee.)

TRENTON — The city’s top librarian yesterday brushed aside advances from a self-proclaimed emperor who showed up on horseback at her Academy Street workplace, hoping to ride her away to a new life.

Look at this guy. I’ll bet dollars to donuts that he said, “Come with me to my castle . . . at the Ellis Avenue Projects!”

Sources close to the 10 a.m. incident said that Emperor El Bey, an Ellis Avenue resident, delivered amorous material worthy of a romance novel, but Trenton Free Public Library Executive Director Kimberly Matthews declined his offer and had security call for police assistance.

“We asked him to remove his horses from the property. When he did not comply with those wishes, the police were called. I appreciated their timely response,” said Matthews.

How did the officers get the horses into the back of their police cruiser?

El Bey, according to sources, had waited approximately 90 minutes for Matthews to arrive before making a move toward her when she pulled her Corvette into a library parking lot.

El Bey had tethered two horses to a nearby tree while waiting for the dark-haired Matthews.

Kimberly Matthews, the object of the Emperor’s affection:

Kimberly Matthews

For the life of me, I cannot understand why she did not take El Bey up on his offer. /snark.

Emperor El Bey admitted he had told Matthews that she was beautiful and that he owned a Porsche.

See? If the Emperor was smart he would compare “himself” to the horse – if you know what I mean.

“I even asked her if she would like to get together some time and burn rubber, you know, race our cars. But I never asked her to be queen of our kingdom. If I wanted her to be our queen, I would have gotten down on one knee and proposed that,” El Bey said.

“(Matthews) is apparently just trying to get famous off my name. A lot of people try to get famous off of me.” (LINK)

Oh yeah, a lot of people. Like the Trenton Psychiatric Hospital or the three different mothers of his children – to whom El Bey owes $75,000 in child support.

I think it is safe to say that the “Emperor” is a real horse’s ass.

Topics: WTF? | 4 Comments »

4 Responses to “So Let It Be Written, So Let It Be Done”

  1. Boson Higgs Says:
    June 18th, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    I think that she is beautiful, and I really do own a Porsche!

  2. CaptainAmerica Says:
    June 18th, 2009 at 6:32 pm

    The Porsche comment doomed him. Obviously she’s a Corvette girl :)

  3. RT Says:
    June 18th, 2009 at 7:19 pm

    I wonder if the reporter realized that saying where she works and what type of car she drives might open her up to more stalkers?

    Some freaky stuff happens in Trenton. (Another fine city gone to rot.)

  4. marvin Says:
    June 18th, 2009 at 8:08 pm

    Where did he get the horses? Do horses live in the projects now?