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Philadelphia Voted 10th Most Stressful City

By Wyatt Earp | September 19, 2008

An article published by Forbes Magazine this week rated America’s Most Stressful Cities. The place I call home, Philadelphia, placed tenth.

Tenth? TENTH!!!? Are you frakkin’ kidding me? Our citizens have killed more people than Cecil B. DeMille. Our thugs beat subway riders with hammers. Our taxes are through the roof, and we have been suffering under strict Democrat “leadership” since the late 1950’s. You want stress, baby? Get your ass to Philly!

But wait, it gets better: Philadelphia finished lower than such “stressful” towns like San Diego, San Francisco, Providence, RI, and Salt Lake City. Let’s attack these one at a time:

San Diego, California - Unless you’re of Italian descent (and you think the name “Diego” sounds a lot like “dago”) what is so stressful about this town? Sunny skies, fabulous beaches - read: beach bunnies - and just a short ride away from the Happiest Place on Earth: Tijuana, Mexico. Yeah, a lot of stress there. Idiots.

San Francisco, California - I can almost sympathize with this choice. Almost. I mean, it is Liberal Moonbat Central, their sports teams suck almost as bad as mine, and you can’t drop anything on a public street without the fear of being “accosted” by the city’s “fruitier” residents. Still; worse than Philly? Not a chance.

Providence, Rhode Island - Please. My groin has more stress than that entire city. Unless they are expecting a visit from Peter Griffin, nothing stressful ever happens in that berg.

Salt Lake City, Utah - Oh no, the Mormons are going to get me! They’re gonna make me marry ten women! Oh, the humanity! This entry was a joke, right? Let’s see what stressful activities they have to deal with on a constant basis. Overcrowding? Nice try, but the town’s population is 180,000. Boredom? Nope. Their economy thrives on skiing. SKIING! Oh, and there was that little Olympics thing they were awarded, too . . .

Look, I am not dismissing any of these claims. (Okay, Providence and Salt Lake City are ridiculous.) But to rank them higher than Philadelphia is an injustice worse than the O.J. Simpson verdict. My town deserves better.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go take my hourly dose of Kaopectate.

Topics: Philly |

10 Responses to “Philadelphia Voted 10th Most Stressful City”

  1. USA_Admiral Says:
    September 19th, 2008 at 5:42 pm

    Wow; you guys are the top ten in almost everything.

    Salt Lake City?!?!?

  2. CaptainAmerica Says:
    September 19th, 2008 at 5:52 pm

    My B.P. went up ten points just reading this injustice!

  3. RT Says:
    September 19th, 2008 at 6:07 pm

    HA! And all that stress oooooozes over to NJ, too!

    Friggin’ congested roads, rude people, high taxes, Democrats run amok, bad drivers, sports team that choke just when you soften up your heart for them, and don’t get me started on the evil eye everyone gives each other.


  4. Kim Says:
    September 19th, 2008 at 8:41 pm

    Apparently, these people have never heard of New Goshen. The traffic jams when two people come to a 4-way stop sign at the same time trying to wave each other on, the people waving “Hi” to you as you go down the gravel road, the tractors slowing traffic down at harvest time, the Amish buggies going down the road….

    Oh, the humanity! How could they leave us out?!?!

  5. Mario Mirarchi Says:
    September 19th, 2008 at 10:18 pm

    Actually, the word dago does come from the name Diego.

  6. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 19th, 2008 at 11:03 pm

    Admiral - Yeah, we’re underachievers and proud of it!

    Captain - Mine, too. Makes me want to go out and shoot an innocent bystander!

    RT - I would venture to say that new Jersey is even more frakked up than Philly is.

    Kim - Lousy Amish!!!

    Mario - I figured as such. It was an attempt at humor.

  7. RT Says:
    September 20th, 2008 at 7:52 am

    Just looked at condos in the area: one up by where I work has taxes of about $6200 a year, while the condo down here has taxes of $5400 a year. CONDOS!

    Yeah, my dad pays 3600 in taxes on his home, but that home is around 80 or more years old and those suckers need repairs all of the time, so that balances out.

    I give up. Maybe I’ll take the $20K pay cut to live elsewhere. This area sucks rocks.

  8. BobG Says:
    September 20th, 2008 at 11:17 am

    The Mormons in Salt Lake aren’t the problem; it’s all the dingbats who have moved in from southern California.

  9. teqjack Says:
    September 20th, 2008 at 5:26 pm

    Admittedly, I would have thought Phillly would place worse than Providence.

    But from the article -

    Editors relied on “quality of life indicators,” such as housing affordability, unemployment rates and cost of living, and “environmental factors” such as air quality, the number of sunny days, and population density. That’s it.

    Yes, that is indeed it. At least to rate Providence RI (I live nearby - but since the whole state is only 60×40 miles…) so badly. No work (textiles moved out a century ago, jewelry more recently) so no young people and no tax base except old folks who are only still here because we can`t afford bus fare to Florida and since taxes have to increase will soon all be unable to rent a place to live and, well, more.

    Funny, though, wasn`t it just last year that Providence was rated about number fifteen in the list of best places to live? Of course, that was by a different magazine publisher. Heck, I once saw a “study” that rated UofRI as one of the top ten “party” campuses - I attended URI (true, Barney the Dinosaur was in my dorm, so a while back), and have no idea why it was even in the poll never mind rated so highly.

  10. TrekMedic251 Says:
    September 21st, 2008 at 2:20 pm


    Damn, we aren’t trying hard enough!