Your Daily Dose Of Insanity
By Wyatt Earp | October 27, 2011
This little slice of idiocy comes from the Philadelphia Daily News. Ironically, the fish wrap is hyping up a story about a whale that was shot and killed off the Jersey shore.
Amazingly, there is now a $12,500 reward for information leading to the “killer.” Understand that we don’t get $12,500 rewards posted for information leading to killers of humans here.
A LIFELESS pilot whale was driven up the Atlantic City Expressway and laid out on a large, steel table at the University of Pennsylvania Veterinary School’s New Bolton Center. Dr. Julie Engiles, an assistant professor of pathology, made an incision near the whale’s right shoulder joint with a large, sturdy surgical knife.
She noticed an abscess there and continued the necropsy as planned. She found the whale’s stomach and intestines empty, peculiar for an animal that can eat 30 pounds a day. Engiles returned to the abscess, followed a trail of infected tissue and bone fragments along the jawline until she came to something even more peculiar.
“We ended up pulling out a bullet,” she said. “We don’t typically get homicides here.”
Homicides? Are you out of your friggin’ mind? IT’S. A. WHALE!
There’s a photo of the deceased below the fold in case you’re interested.
BAM!
Yeah, you knew it was coming. What can I say?
Topics: Snarkasm | 20 Comments »
Damn you! I almost spewed iced tea all over my keyboard!
Hey I’m not as bad as PETA people but I feel the killing of ‘sentinent’ creatures should be homocide. This includes human, ape, elephants and dolphins/whales. They can think, they know they exist as individuals, they mourn their dead, they raise/nuture/educate/protect their young above and beyond the non-sentinent species. If they had opposable thumbs and didn’t live in an enviornment where they don’t have to develop technology in order to survive I think the race for planetary dominance over the ages would have been
much more hotly contested.
Anyways..rant over:)
As for the Moore guppy whale, that was never a sentinent species to begin with.
I thought it was going to Rosie O’Donnell.
What Jim said…
Jon Brooks is spot on with this “guppy” comment…….
Wouldn’t that be cetaceanicide?
“We don’t typically get homicides here.” Yet another example of the absense of Latin being taught in the public schools.
Or absence with a c. Hey, man! It’s not how you spell it but how you feel about spelling it!
Jim/Sully, me too… I was convinced I’d see Rosie for sure. Hey, it’s the thought that counts. Imagine the baby whales if she and douchebag Moore actually got together. Oh crap, a thought once thought that can’t be unthought.
Here in Jersey we’ve pulled in all of the usual suspects; Nemo, Figaro and Mr. Limpet were all “grilled” last night.
However,Charlie the Tuna appears that he may flip shortly.
Now if only I can find where we left the lemon juice.
Clearly a suicide. Duh.
Where is the line for lamp oil???
Jon, you may feel that way, but the laws don’t reflect that. Then you open the slippery slope of what other laws we should apply to animals like that. For example, dolphins are swimming rape-machines. Our oceanic correctional institutions, like SeaWorld, would be over capacity within a week…
I was a little disappointed not to see a pilot whale but got quite a good laugh. Thank you
I pity the poor cop who gets handed the Shamu slaying case.
Next time on CSI:Aquarium….
Your missing the main point here Wyatt. A fricking whale cruised down the AC Expressway! AND WE ALL MISSED IT!!! Find me photos, NOW DAMMIT!
“Hey I’m not as bad as PETA people but I feel the killing of ‘sentinent’ creatures should be homocide”
You find me a gay whale and I’ll shoot it and we’ll see what the court says.
“Hey I’m not as bad as PETA people but I feel the killing of ‘sentinent’ creatures should be homocide”
You find me a gay whale and I’ll shoot it and we’ll see what the court says.
For those who don’t get the funny bit (other than the whale photo, which was hilarious, Wyatt!):
“Homicide” is a Latin word which literally means “human killing.” You can’t homicide a whale.
Other examples of this: fratricide (killing your brother), patricide (killing your father), and regicide (killing Regis Philbin).