Woman Accused Of Driving While Diddling
By Wyatt Earp | August 26, 2010
Dude.
No, seriously . . . dude.
Read this story and ask yourself these questions. First, how the frak did she do this without crashing the vehicle? Second, is the suspect a man or a woman?? And finally, what kind of name is Colondra???
An Elmwood Place police officer who stopped a car because it had illegally tinted windows received a bit of a shock when he looked inside. Officer Ross Gilbert said the driver, Colondra Hamilton, a 36-year-old Downtown resident, was sitting with her pants unzipped and a sex toy in her lap.
He said Hamilton told him she was using the toy while watching a sex video on a laptop computer that a passenger in the front seat held up so she could see it.
Gilbert charged her with “driving with inappropriate alertness” and having illegal tinted windows, according to the traffic ticket.
“Driving with inappropriate alertness?” Oh puh-lease, they made that charge up. I’m sure my readers can think of a better legal term than that! Aaaaand . . . go!
Topics: WTF? | 26 Comments »
August 26th, 2010 at 7:38 pm
Driving on the rumble strip for an hour…?
August 26th, 2010 at 8:01 pm
I’m going with “assault with masturbatory accouterments while operating a motor vehicle”.
Somehow I don’t think this is what Nat King Cole had in mind when he sang “Get Your Kicks On Route 66.”
August 26th, 2010 at 8:29 pm
Am I the only one curious about the passenger?
I exhibit inappropriate alertness when I drink a mocha frapp…I better stay off the roads.
August 26th, 2010 at 8:37 pm
Pubic area molestation while Operating a motor vehicle?
Vaginal manipulation during vehicular travel?
Driving while self absorbed?
Lord have mercy this is pretty sick LMAO.
August 26th, 2010 at 8:46 pm
Manipulating a clitoral stimulator under the influence while operating a motor vehicle.
August 26th, 2010 at 8:51 pm
Driving while sexually addicted.
August 26th, 2010 at 9:32 pm
Colandra is the Ebonically approved dimunitive for “colander” (which is what that bimbo looks like). Really, those nitwits’ parents just throw darts at an alphabet chart when naming their offspring.
August 26th, 2010 at 9:35 pm
So the inspiration for her name came from draining rigatoni?
August 26th, 2010 at 9:58 pm
If she had been anywhere near good looking you possibly could have said..Driving While Intoxicating.
August 26th, 2010 at 10:55 pm
Sully – I hope her seats were Scotch-Guarded.
Mrs. Crankipants – That would be Route 69.
RT – The passenger was probably holding on for dear life . . . to the dashboard, I mean.
Robert – “Driving while self-absorbed.” WINNAH!
Mrs. Crankipants – I’m already sorry I asked for you guys’ input. Heh, “input.”
Bob – Hell, I do that!
Watuschskie – I think it’s Dutch-Irish. And yes, hospital staff should have veto power when these idiots make up names.
Mrs. Crankipants – Better than draining the lizard, I suppose.
Jon – Sadly, she doesn’t qualify.
August 26th, 2010 at 11:03 pm
Operating two motorized devices simultaneously?
Illegal use of a hand powered self-starter?
August 26th, 2010 at 11:29 pm
Driving Under the Influence of Steely Dan.
August 27th, 2010 at 12:31 am
Auto-eroticism in the new millennium!
August 27th, 2010 at 1:28 am
That skank so ugly she hadda do herself.
August 27th, 2010 at 4:42 am
Now that’s how you get arrested!
August 27th, 2010 at 8:38 am
She was cumming and going at the same time!!!
Less road rage!!
August 27th, 2010 at 11:07 am
She has absolutely no idea why anyone could get upset. None. Those eyes are as totally void of awareness as they get. She’s a zombie.
August 27th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
Robert B – Self-starter. Heh.
John D – *shudder*
Mrs. Crankipants – Emphasis on “auto.”
Skip – I can’t see many volunteers dumb enough – or blind enough – to do it.
Matthew – Arrested with a bang.
Danny – But more accidents when she gets sleepy afterward.
1oldleg – Not a lot of higher brain function in there.
August 27th, 2010 at 1:28 pm
Wyatt:
Just plain “Driving while being STOOPID”.
(nothing less)
August 27th, 2010 at 1:30 pm
Vehicular little-”man”-in-the-boat-slaughter….
August 27th, 2010 at 2:28 pm
Looks like she and the pipe are good friends but not as close as her laptop and battery operated toys. What kind of idiot was holding the laptop??
August 27th, 2010 at 5:17 pm
Not to worry!! G.M. (Government Motors) has a new option for the 2011 lineup!!
http://i979.photobucket.com/albums/ae277/RAPH6969/GOS.jpg
August 27th, 2010 at 6:59 pm
New from Pfizer pharmaceuticals, for complete intestinal health, try Colondra. Read and follow all label directions carefully. May cause nausea, blurred vision, headache, constipation, diarrhea and in some rare cases death.
August 28th, 2010 at 11:19 am
Bob G. – That’ll work.
Thomas F. – Well crafted.
MeToo – A freak that was really into this train wreck, I suppose.
RAPH – Okay, that’s a riot!
Ingineer66 – Do not operate a vehicle while taking Colondra . . .
August 28th, 2010 at 1:51 pm
She should have been busted for “Reckless Enddiddlement” lol
August 28th, 2010 at 5:29 pm
Just curious… Did she happen to be driving a Pontiac Vibe? Was it a 3-speed? Did it have overdrive? What kind of MPG (Miles Per Groan) was she getting? Does she have those little Yosemite Sam silhouettes on her “mud flaps”?
I’ve got a million more questions, but I really need to go out and mow the lawn before it’s time to leave for the poker game.