The Raptors Face The Rapture

By Wyatt Earp | April 11, 2009

It must be tough to be Robert Gates. First, you are always mistaken for that tool Chris Matthews. Then, you are vilified while serving under President Bush by Lefty hacks like Joe Biden and Barack Obama, only to be kept on in their administration. And finally, you get to do said hack’s dirty work – namely, slashing the defense budget like Freddy Krueger on a bender.

Normally, this would be the top story on every news program in the country. Unfortunately for the men and women in our armed forces, a Democrat is in office, so those hard-hitting exposes should appear immediately after a Republican comes into power.

Well sure, the military is suffering – and will probably suffer some more – but there is an upside: This kind of stuff is great fodder for satire. It is also the topic of this week’s Family Security Matters article.

Here’s a sample:

This week, Defense Secretary Robert Gates announced the administration would stop production of the F-22 Raptor, which is one of the most advanced strike fighters in the American military arsenal – not a giant mechanical dinosaur, as Vice-President Biden assumed. According to Defense Department sources, the official reason for the cutbacks are economic in nature – and in their defense, the jets cost millions of dollars apiece – but considering President Obama’s feelings on the military, one has to believe that the motives are a little more personal. The president and many in his administration has shown nothing short of contempt for the American armed forces, primarily because they interfere with his warped worldview.

The defense cuts did not stop with the F-22. Secretary Gates also announced that missile defense programs would face the axe, especially the missile shield that was proposed for some European NATO allies. This news was met with the expected results, as Poland immediately began scheduling mandatory Russian language classes for all of its citizens, and the Czech Republic released a statement professing their love of “all things German.”

Secretary Gates stated that the United States military was going forward in a new direction, accompanied by a feeling of “Hopey Changitude.” The Pentagon will now focus their spending efforts to meet the challenges of terrorism and leave behind the antiquated idea of a conventional war. Because, you know, no one fights a conventional war, anymore – just ask Kosovo, the Republic of Georgia, and Israel. The bullets, bombs, and missiles fired in those confrontations just started falling out of the sky. It was the darnedest thing!

You can read the rest HERE.

Topics: FSM | 4 Comments »